Please bear with me, this could be long. I feel DW really needs some help, but I don't know what to do.
We have been married nearly 25 years and have 2 DC 10 years apart - it took that time to conceive DC2. That was a horrible time, but we dealt with it together and I never felt our relationship suffered because of it. DC2 is now 11.
I don't have a good job, but do my best to provide both financially and emotionally for my family. When DC1 was small we were very hard up and DW worked full-time. With DC2, we both felt strongly that DW should be SAHM. Since DC2 started school, DW has been working 2 days PW, in school hours at her old career. I was incredibly proud when, despite her short hours, she was promoted within months of returning. Family circs do mean that she hasn't really had career opportunities for 20 years and I do undestand that must be hard and that it's her turn.
She now really hates the p-t job and really wants to be a writer. She has secured some freelance work with the local paper and makes about ÂŁ500 per month on average. This money is the difference between us making ends meet and being able to have the occasional meal out. Again I am incredibly proud of what she has achieved.
However, for that ÂŁ500pm, she is out of the house at events approx 50 hours per week and working on her lap top at home for another 30. Me and DC never see her at weekends and she's not really there emotionally for DC in the eves.
I've helped as much as I can. I've changed my working hours, which means I now leave the house at 6am, so I can be home for 5:30 and do dinner and support homework etc. I've arranged a cleaner (which we can't really afford) and I take DC2 out as much as I can at weekends to give her the freedom and peace to work, I took him on holiday by myself in the summer and I arranged all his new school uniform etc , as she didn't have time, but I do feel it is really impacting on family life. It's like she's so absorbed in this writing that she has no emotional capacity for the family anymore.
I know it's my "job" to do some stuff at home and for years I've done it gladly, but I'm starting to feel I can't take on any more. To top it all she's now announced that she's going to resign from the regular job, so she can take on more writing work. Fine, except that there isn't more writing work and who knows when there might be. We really can't afford for her to give up that job - it will mean DC2 can't go on school residential etc.
She now hates the regular job and seems to want to leave regardless of the consequences, which must be awful for her, but we need her to care about the family too.
2 different friends have suggested she's depressed or that she's seeing OM. I think depression is most likely, but I don't know what to do to help. She thinks the only thing is to leave the job, but I don't see how being broke will help. It's culminated this week in her turning on me with fists flying (never before in 25 years) as soon as I walked in. I'd only asked if DC has got on OK at his new school OK (honest!). I'm particularly upset at this because it was in front of DC
I know we need to talk, but she was out "working" all weekend and 3 eves this week, plus all this weekend. What can I do? I've tried so hard to support her in this new career, but all this for ÂŁ500 pm and very little prospect of it improving
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I really want to help DW
letmehelp · 09/09/2011 11:55
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.