Partner moving in with his three children - what should he pay towards rent/bills, and anything else we need to think about?

[GiveUsThisDayOurDailyEggs]

My partner and his three children (gulp!) will be moving in with my son and I in about six weeks. Before we got together, I was considering getting a lodger(s) for my spare rooms to supplement income, but held off with this plan as the relationship developed - so that he could stay over lots, often with his kids, and we could see how the relationship developed.

We're now at a stage when living together seems like a natural progression, for all of us. So, my three main questions are:

(1) What should my partner pay in terms of rent/contribution towards bills? If I were to have lodgers, my two spare rooms (which his children will occupy) would together let out for at least £600 around here, for rent plus bills (not including food). I need this supplemental income - but I'm wondering if it's unfair to charge my partner this amount if he's, well, my partner ... but equally, I can't subsidise a family of four to my own detriment! Should he just pay half of all bills for the sake of fairness?

(2) What kind of agreement should we draw up to formalise the arrangement? I'm aware of lodger agreements and living together agreements - but is there anything else that would be more suitable? It's my property, and I want to make sure it remains only mine (i.e. he doesn't end up owning some of it by virtue of living here/paying towards the mortgage).

(3) And is there anything really key, on a practical level, that I need to bear in mind? We're thinking there'll be a need for house rules, allocated chores, routine, meal planning, the kids doing their share round the house (especially as they get older), making time for each other, etc. But are we missing anything else obvious?

Incidentally, his children would be here about half the time, and between us, there'd be four children in the house aged between 2 and 8. We all get along, my son's fond of my partner and his kids like me, and the kids - although they squabble sometimes - get along well. It's not perfect/ideal, but - at least at the moment - it's about as workable as we could hope it to be for this kind of set-up.

Many thanks for any advice.

[eslteacher]

RE: your question about what my DP and I do re: boilers, washing machines etc...

Funny that this has come up, as the boiler here did need replacing recently, which led to a discussion between us about what to do with the cost adn whether or not I would contribute.

My POV is: I have chosen not to be a homeowner at this point in my life partly because I know I cannot afford things like boiler replacements on my income. If I was renting from a landlord, the landlord would replace things like boilers as a matter of course, there's no way it would be me. The boiler is part of the bricks and mortar of the house in that respect. So for that reason we decided I wouldn't contribute towards the boiler (incidentally I would have chipped in anyway if DP really needed me to, but he didn't)

On the other hand, things like TVs, washing machines and sofas, I am happy to contribute towards. These things wouldn't necessarily be provided by a landlord. Also, they are "portable" things that could either be divided between us should we split up, or (more optimistically!) taken with us to a new house if we eventually bought one together.

A tricky thing coming up is that we have been talking about replacing the kitchen here, which is a hideous 30-years-old brown affair. On the one hand, like a boiler, it's instrinsically part of the house, and an "investment" in the future sale price of the house. On the other hand, I want a new kitchen probably more than DP does, and I would want input into the decoration, style, design etc. I think I'll end up contributing something to the new kitchen, because I feel like it will be money well spent if I don't have to endure the hideous 70's stuff that's in there at the moment...

[FabbyChic]

To be fair, if his kids are there half the time he should pay more for the food costs. Other than that I'd say go half on your mortgage, your house insurance, your council tax, your electricity, gas, water and broadband costs.

I'd not set a set amount. It has to be flexible.

What it costs you now in electric, gas, water, council tax will increase, as a single parent you get a 20% discount on your council tax you will lose that when he moves in.

With regards household repairs he would then pay half when he moves in should any be needed, however if you split and you just wanted him to up and leave it would then be prudent that YOU replace any house hold appliances, however this would seem unfair on things like a washing machine which will be getting more use.

Basically it should not COST you anything for him to live with you in fact you should be better off.

[EssentialFattyAcid]

Are you sure that if you split up in 5 years time he won't be entitled to half of your house value from you?

[adamschic]

I would look at the rental on the type of place he would live on his own, with his DC's part time, when thinking about a 'rent' rather than on your upmarket house.

I think the point about it being your house and you understandably want to keep it that way, is important. He may feel resentful about this. If you split you get to keep the house and he has nothing (agree about finding out the legal positions on this). If your relationship looks like it's going to be till death us do part then you can review this long term. Perhaps remortgage or buy a new house as a committed couple but you leaving your share to your DC.

Also with regards to the boiler, general maintenance, it is your house so you should be paying for these things. Be nice if he would help you out with the smaller things like a lick of paint and gardening as that could come under housework and this needs to be split 50/50 as it never is in practise.

Good luck with it and hope you are very happy.

[gettingeasier]

You would need to organise a Deed of Trust for him to waive rights to your property otherwise he will have a claim on it from when he moves in , this is recent advice from a solicitor.