Anyone else married to a moaning miserable old git?

[nomedoit]

Posted about this before and I am trying but I feel so worn down by this.

Basically my DH moans and groans his way through life. It's especially bad at the weekends. It is the same script every weekend.
"I'm tired, I've got a headache, I need a nap."
He doesn't want to do anything, go anywhere or join in. I feel like a single parent. It really drags me down. I wish he would move out at times. I don't want a divorce. I love him and he is a good, honest person who used to make me laugh and inspire me.

Now he is like a human black hole.

He is NOT depressed. We have gone down that route. He is a builder and manages lots of projects, clients and sub-contractors quite easily. Although there is a lot of drama. Every day there is a new crisis (a batch of roof tiles has a fault - cue weeping and wailing). But he always sorts it out. It is when he gets home, he feels entitled to give up and lie on the couch.

I am ignoring him as much as I can, NOT asking him how he is feeling or making constructive comments. "Why don't you take an aspirin, then?" I go out without him. But I feel it is making me tired and depressed being around him.

[CharlotteMD]

How does such an old thread re-appear ?

[CharlotteMD]

Sounds like some sort of work stress.

[lige]

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT

[lige]

So many ladies on here sound so much fun .

I think for some people it might be learned behaviour. But i think for a lot of people - its in their genes. I don't think there is much you can do to change that.

[Cacklingmags]

My DH has a capacity for moaning. On a sunny day he will say 'I would be really pissed off if it was raining'. When he moans I start to sing (not the moaning song above, though it is lovely) but something cheerful and long that I know all the words to - and I give it my all. It defeats him.

[Murphy696901]

OMG thank you thought I was the only one lol and breathe . Well I’m going to say it how it is “ one moaning cunt , sorry but he is bd that’s that ! No other word is adapt so very sorry ! Going now as can’t be bothered 😕 night night

[TimeIhadaNameChange]

My mother's the same. Spending time with her is so draining. Even telephone call's - I try to avoid starting a conversation with "How are you?" as she will tell me!

We'll go out for a meal and something will be wrong. I'd rarely say anything negative about a meal (even if there's something 'wrong' I'd rather not focus on it, and don't want to bring down everyone else) but she will. I'll never forget the time, when my pudding came out (chocolate cake of some sort) she stuck out her tongue at it and went "uuuurgh!" - she wasn't eating it so why such a rude reaction? I'd never react like that if someone was having fish (which I can't stand) - I'd say 'That looks nice!' or similar because I'm sure, if you like fish, it does.

Of course, if I ever pick her up on it she sulks, and moans that she has to be allowed an opinion. Grrrr!

[Battybev]

Same here. Every day god sends somethings up. Nothing ever right. God help me. I also do the moan song but I also go on u tube and play the Victor meldrew theme song.

[Moanswife]

I am but then he's 65. I don't know how and when it happens but he too is like a black hole. I'm sick of it but he's a good person just old now.

[calzone]

If dh begins to moan, I put my hand up to stop him and say, 'Enough! You are blocking my positivity!'

Makes him laugh every time!

[Bluexandee]

At times I really hate mu husband. He is NEVER grateful for anything, and will only do things if it benefits him. I spent my life with my young son feeling like a single parent. I was the one that took him everywhere and supported him (on the bus I might add whilst the lazy git sat at home and can drive). He can be nice but I only get things or go places if I do things for him. He is lazy at home and even though I earn a lot less than him he expects me to match him pound for pound in everything present at Christmas etc. He is greedy and selfish.

[doubledeckerlover]

Oh boy does this hit home! This is an old thread for sure but seriously any one of you could be describing my husband. Is there not any medical research on this? Husband loves to save the moaning for me and the kids. When not working just sits in the corner of the livingroom with phone/kindle/ computer. Sits with a miserable look on his face. Only opens his mouth to moan but as soon as friends or mum or sister are on the scene then changes personality. What is going on? I feel like he is sucking the life out of me and my boys. They become more subdued the minute he comes in from work.

[nicoladicola]

yes I can identify with the moaning, its dreadful and so bad I don't want to spend any time with him.I'm so pleased when he goes out.A perfect example was us going out for a drive last night to see fireworks, its too late to leave- 6.30pm, a school night.Extra stress of de-nitting kids but he still would have moaned and my DS this morn was trying to find a present for one of his classmates whose parent died which is a lovely thought and he had to go about that- don't overwhelm her with presents, attention, might be too much.Poor little DS was upset I told ds to ignore him and take a present.Felt like hitting DP in the kitchen.Dont know how to cope.Always say to myself when he starts- don't react and I do either by getting upset or arguing with him

[ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA]

Been to parents this wk think its just men like their own way and women to be their servant and moan about things that aren't important.

[CaptainJaneSafeway]

Before I even met my DP in our 20s his friends had given him a nickname because of his endless moaning and doom-mongering. I can't say what as it would out me/him but along the lines of "The Moaning Maestro".

So that should have given me clue :o God, does he love to moan and predict that everything is going to go wrong. I do find taking the piss works best so I tend to clasp my head and cry "Ohhhh noooooo, we're ALL DOOMED!" when he starts. Or I say things like "Yes, you're right, it's all pointless, go back to bed" in a matter-of-fact way and get on with what I'm doing.

It sounds as of your DH does (or did!) have a sense of humour so this could work, you may have to introduce it gradually though.

I also do feel like a moan sometimes and I sometimes announce to DP that I'm going to have a moan about work, or my mum or whatever and it's kind of contained rather than just being a constant undirected moaning stream, and I try to encourage him to do the same. It's better if the person says "I want a good old moan about this" or "I know I am being an old moanypants but..." rather than acting like it's their right to do it non-stop.

[Nanadookdookdook]

Sounds like you're both very well matched then aronb

[aronb]

I recognise in myself something of that moaning miserable old git-ness (" gittitude "?). How does my DP cope? I do wonder sometimes.

However, I've noticed recently that more often than not a nice blowjob puts a smile on my face. Worth a try? Perhaps especially at weekends when, OP, your problem is at its most acute?

(Not that I think I'm entitled, you understand. Just lucky.)

[Longsufferingmum2]

Yes

[Sickoffrozen]

I see a lot of men get more miserable the older they get. I really do think some have a real mid life crisis and can't accept growing old. They look back at their youth and competitive edge and wonder where it has all gone. I know a fair few fellas in their late 40's and early 50's who are always going on about how they can't wait for their kids to leave home and how they just want to retire. I think women find a new lease of life as they get older and a lot of men lose their interest in life. I my be generalising a bit but it's from what I have experienced.

[MistressoftheYoniverse]

He sounds like a right moaner!...I think moaners can be grown,nurtured or just a bad habit where you can be stuck in a rut.

My DH is a moaner and he can go on and on...

One day I just snapped I told him you're a moaner and a nag your behavior pisses everyone off including the friggin cats, your attitude affects everyone and I don't like it being around you is depressing!

At first he tried to act like I was being unreasonable...so I suggested the next time he went into a moanfest I would let him know...he caught himself moaning and realised when I was dealing with, we talked and now he tries to be more positive, he still moans (which we all do sometimes)but not as much or for as long...maybe he just doesn't realize what affect his moaning has on you...#Disclaimer# If this has already been suggested and answered I did not know I didn't read the whole thread

[Nanadookdookdook]

I think in these situations the partner becomes a sort of audience for the negativity

Not just an audience the dumpee for all of the partners ills. Someone to land all their angst and anger on, to dump with their misgivings and grievances, to depress with their anger against others and the world etc etc etc

My DH did this, though not so much now. For example he gets furious with other drivers, rants, swears, seethes but, funnily enough, never has the need to do that with his mates in the passenger seat, only with me.

I think it's a suppressed anger letting rip. Suppressed anger about, maybe his view that your life is easier than his? or life's unfair, I work hard but don't own a ferrari or whatever.

Anyway, the answer imo is to make sure you aren't the receptacle of his anger, sit in another room, don't go on drives with him, do other stuff on your own. Then they don't have the opportunity to dump the angst. Then they'll, hopefully, look you out as a companion, but on your terms!

[Dowser]

What ivebeen thinking about is if you live in northern Europe above the 40 degrees latitude we just don't get enough sunshine to make vitamind 3.

Maybe you could look into that . He might need a supplement. I take 1 5000iu tablet in summer and take 10,000iu or more in winter.

[Icecreambythesea]

I could have written this about my OH. He never wants to do anything or go anywhere. He just wants to sit and play on his computer all day.

I know that he suffers with social anxiety and he really does make an effort on special occasions but I can't help but feel that both myself and the children are missing out because of his behaviour.

Could anxiety be the reason behind your DH's behaviour OP?

[Dowser]

Yes good thread. I'm the moaner, but that's at far as it goes. Once I've had my moan or rant I'm as right as rain.

But...I don't expect OH to make me feel better , that's up to me. It's just my way of getting it out of my system...better out than in I always say and if ever he suggests doing stuff which is rare s I'm always the one doing the suggesting, I always agree to doing it.

I notice some good co counselling techniques there. ;-)