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Relationships

feeling pressured into having couples counselling in an emotionally abusive relationship

28 replies

abbdabb · 18/06/2011 21:09

'D'H is pressuring me into having couples counselling.

I feel really uncomfortable about this. I have recently started counselling through Relate, my counsellor feels that our relationship is emotionally abusive. I agree. It has been difficult but I am making huge steps towards working out what I want from a relationship & gaining a lot of confidence & self worth.

'D'H was against counselling to start with. I guess he has now seen some changes in me. He has told me he phoned Relate & they have advised joint counselling. Why would they advise this?

help!

OP posts:

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Misspixietrix · 19/06/2011 08:06

I agree with freudian, there's a possibility some fibs are being told here. I know from individual counselling sessions (burst into tears at one after xh hit me again!) that Relate will see couples but only if the violence has stopped, i'm not sure about the EA side of things, i'm currently seperating from my EA and they can be very good liers, mine even made a WPC fall for it this week! tell him you want to go on your own, if you go together he will see it as one of his 'controlling conquests' iyswim?

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follyfoot · 19/06/2011 08:17

Abbdabb just wanted to say well done for taking the step to get counselling for yourself. You sound very strong

My XH and I went to counselling. The first violence had already taken place but I felt unable to actually say what was really wrong and of course he wasnt going to bring the subject up. I wasted my time and the counsellors tbh.

All the best with your counselling.

Oh and PS my first thought on reading your original message was that your H is lying about what Relate supposedly said. Its another way of controlling what you say and to whom maybe?

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amverytired · 19/06/2011 08:45

I had joint counselling with H when I hadn't a clue that I was in an abusive relationship. It was awful and did give him tones more ammunition to use against me.
I would suggest that he has counselling on his own if he is so keen to do something to fix the relationship. 2 years almost of individual therapy for H and I has made a massive difference to us. H says it is completely life changing (even has said many times that it has saved his life), and we are now almost back on track.
What ever you do, keep going to counselling yourself.