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Relationships

Marital Finances What is Normal?

56 replies

Wayhay · 21/02/2011 06:34

I have been questioning a few things recently but would appreciate some honest (even if I don't want to hear it) opinions.
I have been with hubby for 17 years (we met when I was 19) and have two lovely kids aged 7 and 6. When we first met neither of us had a bean but we both saved hard to buy a home.
My DP has control issues and I have always agreed with him on financial matters. We have separate accounts and he earns 39k pa and I'm a stay at home mum but have a couple of part time jobs term time and my total income is about £5k pa. He pays all the bills and food shopping, one weeks holiday a year and puts a sum in the pot per week for weekly spend. I buy the childrens clothes, school trips etc. my clothes, one week uk holiday (god bless The Sun offers) and any decoration/furnishing that the house requires. He works 9-5 and in turn I keep kids and house so he doesn't need to.
I am wondering whether this is fair? We run one car and our mortgage isn't huge but he says that we are bumping along the bottom so we don't go out for meals, take the kids to the theatre, etc. I appreciate that a lot of fun can be had in the woods for nothing but every now and then? He has recently been going through receipts asking me to justify the shopping bill (even though im within his budget) and he went berserk when I spent £10 on having the car washed. I have access to his credit card but only use that for petrol.
I have rambled but am feeling very cheesed off at the moment! Please advise.

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PukeyMummy · 21/02/2011 16:33

Switching the bills to joint names (if all in his name at the moment) will take a bit of effort and also setting up the direct debits (and a joint account) will take a bit of time.

But once the direct debits are set up, you check the bills when they arrive (most by email these days) and that's it. Not rocket science!

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GnomeDePlume · 21/02/2011 16:42

Wayhay, it certainly isnt difficult to manage the bills. We have a single joint account. All income goes into that (our income, not his or mine). Out of that comes everything from daily household bills to clothes for all of us to holidays.

I have a long spreadsheet (long because I have been doing this for over 4 years) with a column for each type of income and outgoing. I record these from the online bank account. I do this so that I can see how we are doing each month.

It is easier for one person to do this but then I have set up practically everything as DDs or standing orders (even pocket money is a standing order!). It isnt exciting and if DH looks like he has had too much fun in the day then I take him through the spreadsheet as a sort of bromide.

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Longtalljosie · 21/02/2011 16:50

You see, the thing about DH and I having our own spending money - which if we don't spend goes into our own savings - is control. It would be literally none DH's business if I saved my spending money and blew it on something frivolous. Although in truth he's more of a big spender than me so that also works - I like squirreling money away for a rainy day and he likes buying CDs and expensive shoes. We both do what we want without this becoming a source of heated debate...

And if I spent a tenner getting the car valeted, well it's my money...

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Wayhay · 21/02/2011 16:57

Gnome that has tickled me. The reason I like the idea of a little discretionary fund is because he disapproves of my need for lipsticks and I'm afraid I can't get very excited about obscure cds from the 80's and 90's. If every other source of income goes into a joint account then it will be clearer what we have or don't have. Also i won't have to foot the bill every time my kids lose various bits of uniform or if the washing machine breaks.

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Wayhay · 21/02/2011 17:02

Longtall I agree entirely. At the minute there is always some little comment when I buy something like slippers with sequins for me or a something daft for the kids. For me it brightens life a little. We all need a little control for freedom.

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GnomeDePlume · 21/02/2011 17:39

Wayhay then set up pocket money standing orders for yourselves. We used to have this but stopped a while back as we no longer felt the need - neither of us have lipstick habits! IMO it shouldnt be a significant sum, just enough to cover life's trivia. Everything else is joint not his or hers. This saves a lot of diagreement if costs go up or there is an unexpected bill.

DH and I have done this throughout our married life [old dinosaur emoticon]. This has seen us through joint income, single income and now joint income again.