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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

i have also found a text...

39 replies

fromhereyoucanseethesea · 28/12/2010 22:29

on my partner's phone. he was waiting to speak to a travel agent and took a bath. they called, i snooped as i am jealous, insecure etc and bingo, i found a text from a colleague with whom he had a relationship. the text from her said " i am sorry, but make no apology for the red dress". it was sent the morning after he'd been to a wedding alone. he says she came onto him and he knocked her back...the thing is, where does the dress fit in? my take is that he said how hot she looked and he tried to take things further...what do you think? please don't say about snooping, trust etc etc.

OP posts:

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ginnny · 29/12/2010 19:15

Ilovesooty - exactly my point. If dp started asking me about texts on my phone I'd be furious.
I was asking why after only 6 months the op felt the need to snoop. That seems odd to me.

ilovesooty · 29/12/2010 11:05

"why do you feel so insecure after just 6 months, he must be making you doubt his feelings in other ways too.
How did he react when he found out you snooped on his phone? I would be really angry."

I think it's the OP's issue and can't see any evidence from what's been said that he's making her doubt his feelings for her. It seems to be a choice she's making.

I'd dump someone who snooped in my phone like that, I'm afraid.

MistleToad · 29/12/2010 10:37

Can you see his "sent" texts? Then you could see what texts he sent to her?

ginnny · 29/12/2010 10:33

I think it looks like she tried it on with him and he turned her down, but complimented the red dress, maybe saying she looked good and it wasn't easy to refuse.
So she is saying sorry (for trying) but not apologising for looking so good in the dress?
Thats not the whole issue though is it - why do you feel so insecure after just 6 months, he must be making you doubt his feelings in other ways too.
How did he react when he found out you snooped on his phone? I would be really angry.

CheekyLittleStocking · 29/12/2010 00:10

What was said?

fromhereyoucanseethesea · 28/12/2010 23:58

i'm going to call him....thank you all for being there. x

OP posts:

emmyloulou · 28/12/2010 23:54

When I say crossover I mean staying in contact etc, especially if your in the same circles. Not fucking, to clarify!

emmyloulou · 28/12/2010 23:52

Going to be honest with you, he may have kept his options open, early days was it not. This was months ago, 3 months nearly, half your relationship.

If you have nothing to worry about since, I'd forget it and move on if you love him.

Cross over does happen.

He may just be a lazy sod who hasn't deleted his texts.

fromhereyoucanseethesea · 28/12/2010 23:51

forty plus you are right...i have invested too much too soon as it felt right, for the first time..

OP posts:

fromhereyoucanseethesea · 28/12/2010 23:44

em, i did only find it tonight...

OP posts:

fortyplus · 28/12/2010 23:43

God - he's left the text on his phone 2 months and you're still suspicious?? It's nothing I tell you! But if you're behaving like this after 6 months he has too much of a hold over you and you'll never be happy.

LittleMissHootsMon · 28/12/2010 23:42

This relationship sounds too much like hard work.

I hate OPs that dredge up months old texts.

Deal with it then. Either have it out with him then, and choose to believe him or not.

If you don't believe him, it's only 6m of your life, move on.

...Unless you only just found the text and he has not deleted them and kept them as a souvenir?

In which case TWAT, he's not serious, you are wasting your time with him.

emmyloulou · 28/12/2010 23:41

x posts with LM.

emmyloulou · 28/12/2010 23:40

Hmmmmm so you'd been together just 3-4 months then?

See it's a fine line many at that stage are on the verge of dp but not quite ifyswim?

It's all so personal but it's quite early to be exclusive hence why he obv went to to wedding by himself as you won't have been dp status ifyswim......

That text will soon be 3 months old, I wouldn't be too hasty.

Maybe they had unfinished business or whatever but he is with you now. It was so early on too. I don't know what to say tbh.

LittleMissHootsMon · 28/12/2010 23:38

Oh and 6m? you don't know him....

don't commit yourself to the L word before you know him.

LittleMissHootsMon · 28/12/2010 23:37

So what has happened SINCE then?

fromhereyoucanseethesea · 28/12/2010 23:35

the text was in october...i love him

OP posts:

emmyloulou · 28/12/2010 23:33

Tbh I do think people, men in particular do keep their options opening in the beginning.

But at 6 months you'd have thought he would have stopped that, I would have thought anyway, it should be just the start, the love, happiness, infatuation etc.

fromhereyoucanseethesea · 28/12/2010 23:28

maybe he was keeping his options open...am i judging him by my standards...

OP posts:

LittleMissHootsMon · 28/12/2010 23:21

Honey, this is going to go nowhere.

If he's not all loved up at 6m when he ought to be, then tbh, when IS he going to be?

Why do you not trust this man, what else has he done for you to be so terrified this early?

You will end up a shadow of your former self, you will be scared to death he's up to something, and for what.

Normal couples don't live like this.

fromhereyoucanseethesea · 28/12/2010 23:13

re trust, yes i know and meh ah.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 28/12/2010 23:10

You found something you didn't like, asked him and he gave you an explanation. The only thing you can do if you don't believe him is to ask again. If he's told you the truth though you can't expect him to be too happy.

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hobbgoblin · 28/12/2010 23:09

If trust is an issue now then it will not get better.

fromhereyoucanseethesea · 28/12/2010 23:06

that'll be she and horrible

OP posts:

thenightsky · 28/12/2010 23:05

meh = sort of shrug

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