DH has left. it's my birthday and I really fucking sad

[mazfah]

Really that's all there is to it. He left a few days ago after a series of rows about how much he was going out. We have a 16 month DS who wakes twice at night and only wants me so I'm kind of 'stuck' in at night so I can settle him. Thsi situatiob arose through a lot of circumstances.

Anyway, he booked loads of over night boozy nights out then arranged to go to his dad's this weekend, leaving tonight, which is my birthday.

I snapped and we had a big row and he left a cpuple pf days ago because he 'needed time to think'. Only text has been to tell me he doesn't miss me, which I'm not surprised about as he's out with his fucking mates and staying with single friends playing Xbox all evening.

I'm a SAHM but now looking for a part time job so me and the wee one have money.

Where do I go from here? We haven't taked about the legal side/contact/finances etc. We don't have any 'stuff' to argue over really, have a bit of savings. I'm fine with housing, thankfully that's not a problem but contact is a worry. As DS only wants me at night and I'm still BF I presume he can't have him over night (which is fucking brilliant for him).

Where do I go from here? No birthday text yet although I know he'll have started work so would've been up for hours.

FUCKING COCK.

[usualsuspect]

Hes done you a favour by leaving

Happy Birthday!

[DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain]

are you alright mazfah?

[marriednotmulled]

Birthday good wishes for you and your new better life.

He so doesn't deserve you, he's not prepared to appreciate you properly.

It's lousy timing but New Year, new start

[perfumeditsawonderfullife]

I am astonished at how cruel he is



He text you that he doesn't miss you? And did he even remember that he has a son?

What an absolute creep. He will never change, at this stage in life, he is all the man he is ever going to be, and that aint much! What on earth makes these idiots get married when they have no intention of fulfilling the role a husband should?

I would get onto the phone and arrange to see a lawyer a.s.a.p. If you take him back, after he has partied himself out, he will know for sure he gets away with it, and will do it all again. Can you put yourself and your son through this again?


Sorry it's not a Happy Birthday, hope you have a nice meal with your friends tomorrow x

[stickersarecurrency]

Happy birthday! I think if all he wants is someone to cook, clean and facilitate his social life then he'll be as well back with his mummy. You'll then only have one child to look after, plus in time there might be room for a real man, instead of the tosser you're saddled with just now. Wishing you all the very best and hoping that this time next year everything's as rosy as you deserve :)

[Doha]

Happy Birthday

Look on today as the start of your new life. Another year older another year wiser. This man is a nob who doesn't appear to be mature enough to have a family.
Of Course he will lay all the blame firmly at your feet. He is only thinking about himself in all that he is saying and doing.
Take charge now, set up your own bank account, separate your finances and speak to CAB and get legal advice asap.

[tethersjinglebellend]

I think he may have inadvertently given you the best birthday present ever-

A life without him in it.

Happy birthday

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

I am seriously considering not taking him back

Hold on to that thought

He is a selfish twat who wants it all his own way. He leads the life of a single man, but with you at home to cook, clean and look after his son.

You might as well do that with him out of the house, because he is never going to step up to be a proper partner and father if he hasn't done it already.

He is making a mug of you, and will continue to do so. If you cave now, and take him back on these terms, he will do what the fuck he likes with no regard for you because he can and because he has

And every time you try to complain, he will fuck off again for a "bit of space".

You don't need a selfish fucker like that.

[Engels]

Happy birthday

I am always astonished when some men just don't man up to their responsibilities... even though I see it quite often through work.

This isn't your fault. Some men are just losers at being a supportive husband and father. Get your own independent life so if he's around or not makes no difference. And if you do decide to take him back you set the terms: counselling, contact, timescale etc

good luck x

[gettingeasier]

Happy Birthday !

When I read your op I was going to tell you my xh and I worked maintenance and contact out between us and just had it put into legal terms. Having now read the whole thread your h sounds like an utter prick so I would stick to legal route. I mean who would text someone that they dont miss them at this point in time ?

Like others have said its sounds like he isnt enhancing your life at all and once the initial shock/pain wears off you will be far happier

[cestlavielife]

hapopy birthday! this could be the beginning of a new life...free of this immature adult.

dont stoop low, stick to factual texts.

[granhands]

Protect your savings, make sure he cannot clean you out.

If you don't already, open your own bank account that he cannot get access to and if he is on your credit card take him off.

Take care.

[SantasENormaSnob]

Ohh love.

You are well rid IMO

Sorry to be brutal but this man doesn't love you and tbh it sounds like he doesn't respect you either.

Leave him to it, you WILL get through this and see what a cowardly, immature shit he is.

Once the iniatial pain stops, being a single mum can be fun. Been where you are now x

[msboogie]

I would text him to day that his son won't miss him when he is being raised by a real man and calling him daddy.

[mazfah]

Just spoken to DH. I've turned into a whiny little witch.

Taking DS out now so will update later.

Thank you for all the birthday wishes, it really is appreciated.

[BalloonSlayer]

Many Happy Returns (I think that means that I hope all your Birthdays to come will be better than this one).

for you, but it sounds as if you are well-rid. As you say, it seems as if he wants the "advert" family, all dressed in white running playfully down a beach, but is not mature enough for the real thing.

[messylittlemonkey]

Happy Birthday!

Sorry you're in this situation, but sounds as though it might be for the best in the long run. He sounds immature.

Don't have any advice, but just wanted to add support.

[mamatomany]

Am so sorry, Happy Birthday from me :)

[gysela]

He sounds like a complete knobhead! My DH has chosen to go out with his friend on my birthday before and although it was nothing like yours it hurt so much. I feel your pain.
However I think there is more to it than him wanting to hang out with his friends all the time.
Babies can put a lot of pressure on a relationship and because your DS only wants you for comfort he might have felt left out and not needed! Its normal for husbands to be jealous about the attention their DS get from us. when things calm down can you both have marriage counselling, sending you that text is very immature but it also sounds like he is only doing it to hurt you? Having said that if teh situation is really unbearable, you just have to leave and I agree with the other posts about the legal route being best.
Happy birthday anyway

[GrimmaTheNome]

I don't make the effort he wants.

and he doesn't make the effort you and your DS need

[mazfah]

Grimma, I don't think he even wants a wife. I think he wants a showroom family and all the fun stuff, but then pack it all away in a box so he can 'have space'.

[mazfah]

I think he may be a bit jealous. DS has had a lot of health problems which is why I never went back to work but they are managable now. He does want to go out with me in the evenings but doesn't understand that while he gets 8 hours of cosy sleep it's me getting up twice in the night and I just can't face going out a lot because I'm knackered. I don't make the effort he wants.

[GrimmaTheNome]

'wants us to have our own lives'

It all depends what he means by that. Members of a family don't wholly 'have their own lives' - you have to work together. Sure, there should be room within the relationships for each member to have some time and space of their own BUT when push comes to shove you have to be able to work together.

Does he actually want to be a husband and father, or does he just want to have a wife?

[mazfah]

I am seriously considering not taking him back. We were meant to go to his mum's for Christmas and he's told her we're not so that tells me in his mind it is over. I need to start making plans that don't include him and get on with my life as if he is now not a part of it.

If we can work it out at a later date then so be it, but I can't wait for him.

[DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain]

is he jealous of ds or just doesn't want the responsiblity?