My dh thinks he is the ultimte new man. And when it comes to childcare and entertaining the kids indeed he is, no fault there. But, in a similar vein to the other thread, it is the housework where the battle starts.
A bit of background - when we first moved in together (many moons ago) he didn't like it if I asked him to do something - like take the rubbish out or tidy up his shoes. In fact he went as far as to say that I had no right to ask him to do things. I did not agree and continued to do so as other wise stuff just did not get done.
Move forward 12 years: If I ask him to do something, he more often than not replies 'I'll try' or 'If I remember' or grunts. I am aware that underlying all this is that he doesn't want me to ask at all. He says that the reason he responds in this way is that he does often forget and then I get cross with him. I admit that if I have asked him to do something repeatedly and he doesn't do it then I do express my displeasure!
He has said in the past that he thinks me asking for things to get done is 'controlling' behaviour.
If I ask him to do something that he can't do immediately I get the same response. He says that I should only ask him to do things when he is immediately available to do them or he will forget. I refused as I felt that this was an additional task for me - to monitor dh all day to wait for the right opportunity to ask him to do something!
We also have the standards issue - he says he doesn't care if the house is a tip and doesn't see it. So therefore does little tidying up - unless asked - see above - he doesn't like this. So we have a situation where if I don't ask things don't get done - but if I do ask then he gets the hump (but pretends he hasn't). It is all rather exhausting - We have a had a number of calm discussions about all this recently with me explaining that I need more housework support from him (particularly as I have started work recently and the house is descending into squalor). Re: the squalor comment I get 'no it's not' as a response - it really is a tip. But any additional help has not been particularly forthcoming.
Sorry this is getting long. How do a respond to the 'the house isn't a tip and I don't care if it is' comments from him? It's really getting me down. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?
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Relationships
Different domestic standards
greentomato · 05/11/2010 13:50
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