bossy neighbours

[laceandpaperflowers]

I am a single parent, getting ready to find their own places in the next year or so. My neighbours on either side are retired (took early retirement, are fit and active). Since both sides have retired they have become very friendly - in each others houses and gardens a lot. I have always been pleasant and considerate to all my neighbours but as I work long hours and am busy I have never really got involved with any of them. I take in parcels and my kids have always been quiet, polite and well behaved. Since the neighbours on both sides have taken early retirement they have become increasingly intrusive and bossy (I feel, my kids agree, its not just me). If the kids mates visit and park their car in the lay-bys in the cul de sac (that are there for anyone to use, even people who dont live here, there is no restriction) one of the neighbours (the men not the women) come to the door and demand they are moved. We have been 'told off' for "encouraging' another neighbours cat by talking to her and stroking her when she comes in our garden. Both sets of neighbours talk to each from their gardens over my garden. The male on one side has always been 'odd' - not my words but those from other people. We hear him shouting at his wife a lot and the way he speaks to her in my opinion is horrible. My daughter and I wonder if his wife is OK but we dont feel that is any of our business. My daughters and I feel that when we go between house and car he glares at us as if to try and intimidate us. Sometimes I think all this is because I am a single parent (when my ex lived here I didnt have this problem). Soon I will be here on my own and I do feel intimidated and anxious and that I can do nothing but move - utterly helpless in this situation. I am anticipating feeling lonely when the kids go but I dont think that is what this is about - I have brought them up to be independent and want them to have their own lives/friends and partners. They are great, I get on with their partners and know that when they move out they won't be far and will always be there for me.I would appreciate any comments and perspectives.

[Spaniels2020]

@laceandpaperflowers

yes, I hope im never in the situation where I have to live in a retirement village, it seems more natural to be surrounded by people of all ages. young families and young people can be far more respectful and understanding than they are sometimes given credit for

these folks got on the mortgage ladder when it was easy and lived through times where you didnt have to get a loan to go to uni and the pension system was better than it is now for young folk - they are smug about it and I feel they think they rule the roost

Talking over your garden is not okay. But just nicely tell them not to. Say you find it rude.
Just to say to laceandpaperflowers and to amend what is becoming a common misconception. Depending on how retired they are they would not have lived through easy times. No loan for uni back in the day meant not much money at all. A grant meant you had to rely on having parents able to afford to top it up. Most students of yesteryear were constantly hard up and had to live frugally. No cars, TV's etc.
As to Mortgages. 15% interest rates anyone ? Imagine that for a moment and what that means in practice. Negative equity ? Some terrible recessions. If you had a pension scheme it usually meant low no regular increases year on year on year. And not every pension scheme paid out. The people the OP is talking about might just not be very pleasant. And not all older people are mortgage free or even have one. Plenty of 'smug folk' as you describe them live in rented accommodation they find it hard to afford. Sorry I had to reply.

[Porridgeoat]

Can you get to know the quieter lady and other neighbours on the street. You’ll find you’re not alone

[user1471538283]

It's awful being stuck between two horrible neighbours. I understand how vulnerable you feel. If you do decide to stay I'd get really high fences and cedar trees to keep them at bay

[Longdistance]

I always find ‘Please don’t tell me what to do in my own garden, I live next door to you, not with you, oh and btw talking over my garden to talk to other twat neighbour is the height of rudeness!’ Then walk off...

[simitra]

I too have a neighbour who is a pain in the ass - one of those matriarchs who has all her relatives buzzing around her. Well I am not buzzing around her.

One day a man who is a complete stranger knocked and said he was a plumber "working next door" and could he come in and look at my cistern as he thought the problems might be connected. Yeah right, I know about that classic scam for distraction burglaries.

I told him I dont allow strangers into my home without a male relative present so he would need to write to me on his letterhead for an appointment. I think that was perfectly reasonable. Next day neighbour waylays me in the garden and whinges because I would not allow her workman in. Told her she has no business sending workmen around to my house and she would have to make an appointment at my convenience. Whinges that she will have to pay plumber again. Sorry thats not my problem. I only see people by appointment.

Following this I installed CCTV cameras in my windows so I can see who is knocking at the door and approaching the house. So if I see Mrs bossyboots next door I just ignore it.

[TheRealHousewife]

You have my total sympathy. No one needs sanctimonious patronising entitled neighbours inflicting their opinions and anal standards onto them. Twerps!

Would you like to borrow a cat 🐈 , I’ll chuck in a packet of wild flower seeds 😬

[TheRealHousewife]

@laceandpaperflowers And you’ll need one of these 😬👍

[crimsonlake]

Too much time on their hands and turning in to busybodies by the sounds of things.
I had an elderly neighbour like this and she lived on her own. She would bang the window if anyone parked up outside her house, objected to various things neighbours did to their gardens etc. As I was friendly with her I frequently pointed out she could not dictate who parked outside her house and she did not own the road...just her drive. I would also remind her that one day she would pick on the wrong people.
Carry on as you are, I agree stand up to them and do not be intimidated.

[Ariela]

I'd start mowing the lawn or strimming or something noisy when they're talking over your garden.