DS2 is being teased for being 'a baby'/ socially immature - any ideas or experiences?

[NormaSnorks]

DS2 is 7. Aug born. Youngest in class. Has a big brother (DS1 !) who is eldest/ v. mature etc.

I'm getting and more concerned about the way I see DS2 interracting with his friends/ peers, or rather how they react and talk to him.

He is still rather a 'baby' - likes his soft toys/ resorts to sillyness & babyish squealing/language etc. However I've noticed that in a group he seems to become the butt of all the jokes and teasing because of this - lots of sarcasm/ "eye-rolling"/ and ignoring etc. He lacks confidence anyway, and it just seems like this is becoming a vicious circle.

Each of the boys had a friend round yesterday, and I ended up intervening because DS2's (so-called) friend had 'joined forces' with the two older boys and they were all making snide comments about what DS2 didn't know / liked as toys/ way he talked etc.

After they left I sat DS1 down and had a chat with him about how upset I was that he had been part of it etc.

But I'm still upset today. DS2 just seems to be the 'class joke' and it's all because he's a bit immature.

[majafa]

Its so hard isnt it, Im in sort of the same situation, My boys are september babies tho, both being the eldest in their respective classes, still love theyre cudley toys etc
Eldest tends to keep them mainly in his room, on a shelf, escpecially when friends are around,
the youngest however still carrys his favourite soft toy and a old muslin around with him at home upstairs and downstairs, and
occasionaly when we go out 'rakky' the racoon comes with us?
I have mentioned gently a few times now, that maybe hes a bit to grown up now, to be taking 'rakky' everywhere he goes and gently pointing out that if he continues to, one of his friends may well make fun of him and hurt his feelings.
It doesnt seem to bother him at the moment tho. When it does I guess we will have to have a 'serious' chat.
Sorry not to have been of much help, didnt want to read and run.

[NormaSnorks]

Majafa - thanks for replying! We have also had a few discussions about keeping some things for 'home only' i.e. cuddly toys and some very babyish habits.

It's the 'cycle' that seems to have developed amongst his peers that worries me most - treating him like a baby and being quite horrible about it at times .

I'm just wondering how he might ever 'escape' the type-casting, even if/when he matures?

I guess I'm hoping that by the time he goes to senior school he might have matured more in line with his age group, and meet new friends who didn't know him before?

I feel very sad for him, as he is clearly 'aware' of the others taunts and comments, and his 'solution' is just to withdraw into himself.

[majafa]

Withdrawing into himself doesnt sound good
Hes what, year 2? Have the teaching staff said anything to you with regard to his, for want of a another word, 'immature' behaviour? I would be tempted to make an appointment, and have a informal chat with his teacher and discuss your concerns when he goes back after half term.
And I hate to say this, BUT how do the rest of the family treat him?
Is he the youngest out of siblings, cousins, friends children etc? Do others in the family treat him babyishly iykwim? if so may you need to point out your concerns and that them doing so, doesnt help?
Sorry dont want to sound negative, but just a few thoughts that occured to me

[NormaSnorks]

He's Year 3.

He's the youngest in his class, and in most of his friendship groups (being school year group related).

We only have one niece and she is actually a couple of months younger, but an only child, and quite confident/ mature and she tends to ignore him, and try to play with DS1 who is 10. That said, we don't see SIL/BIL very often (other end of country) so that relationship isn't a big issue.

I have talked to school about it, and they haven't particularly observed any issues, however I think there is a difference between how kids behave in vs. outside the classroom.

I'm just really scared he's letting himself develop a resigned kind of 'victim' mentality. DH & I often talk to him about how he needs to try to stand up for himself, and I will intervene if I overhear stuff with his friends where he is being belittled, but I can't be everywhere, and he needs to be able to stand up for himself.

The 'older' kids in his class just seem so much more 'together' 'switched on' and confident.

It really makes me feel so sad to see how he gets treated sometimes .

[SailAway]

I have a son who is also one of the youngest in his class and who also isn't very confident. On the top of it, there is just 18 months between him and ds1.So ds1 is the oldest in his class, is confident and mature for his age. And just one year ahead at school.

What I do is

• to enforce strictly the rules that no one is allowed to laugh/put down someone else in the house. This includes ds1 saying 'Yep but ds2 doesn't now/isn't able to blabla' in a critical/derogatory way
• to ask more from ds2 so that I don't treat him like a baby
• Find activities that he likes and that he is quite good at and if possible something that ds1 doesn't do/isn't so good at. Martial arts seem to help too.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I can't make him more mature than he is but I can help him feel more confident in himself.

BTW, I think you were right to intervene when the boys had some friends over. 'Putting down' somebody should never be allowed.

[NormaSnorks]

Thanks SailAway - that's a good suggestion about the rule that no-one else puts anyone else down in the house.

I just wonder whether they really do just grow out of it, and can break away from their former 'immature' identity, or whether it becomes a habit?

Can just keep trying and re-inforcing I suppose!