working parents - how do you get to all the daytime school meetings/assemblies etc?

[chuffinell]

my dd is 4 and in reception class, but she has been at the school a year already, (was in nursery last year)its a lovely school ,very caring and nurturing and i love it

the only problem is they keep scheduling everything at times we are unable to attend - yesterday i was handed a letter inviting parents in at 2.45 this thursday to discuss reading methods and how to help your child. i desparately want to go, its so important but i cant just take time off willy nilly

i have already missed a 915 mass, and i have a list of other 9.15 assemblies, school plays, harvest celebrations, and they always finish term an hour earlier on the last friday of term

i desparately try, as does DH to attend as many school events as possible, but we cant do everything, and we both need to work, i really dont want DD looking round to find neither of us could make it into school, its so important to her

DH takes her into school so i can start work at 830 and make up enough hours to pick her up at 320. he has to work later to make up for his later starts

i wd be interested to hear how other working parents manage to attend all these events?

[TeeBee]

I would say don't sweat the reading meetings and things like that, you can book 10 minutes with the teacher if those times don't suit you. I would work more towards getting to the plays and things, when it really counts for you and your child. Can grandparents help? Sometimes my son prefers that they get their turn anyway so he can show off to them for a change.

[bhutan]

Hi all, still at my desk! No, it was not as bad as I thought. I did get a few looks but that was because I walked in ten minutes late (I hate lateness) and had to shuffle through the crowd to sit down!

There was a break and the clique all congregated at tea-time and I did end up speaking to another mum (P/T worker).

I am still struggling with how I am going to make the events. I have decided to save five days leave (which I had planned for half term) to use between now and the end of the year.

I am now going to try and get out of the office early for a change!! Thanks for the support and sorry for taking over the OP's original question!

[MollieO]

bhutan sounds like you work in my office!

I wouldn't worry about turning up in suits. I always turn up like that as I am either on my way to work or on my way home. I'm b*ggered if I am going to go home and get changed just because I'm worried about other mums not talking to me!

[chuffinell]

hey well done bhutan! did they all recoil in horror at your suit and ostracise you?!!

[bhutan]

Just wanted to give my quick update (if it is of any interest!). I turned up IN MY SUIT as had no time to run from the train station to get changed in time. I was late for the meeting but I MADE IT.

Good luck everyone. It is so hard trying to be there. I am determined to do it as my parents were unable to make my school events (due to working) and it has stuck in my mind - I turned out ok though - I think!!

[guestygal]

As a Full time TA at a infant school, mum of three and a school governor, I see it from all sides, it is incredibly hard to decide which events to go to and which ones to miss. Our school are constantly (and for all the right reasons) striving to include parents in as many events as possible, and I often point out that this actually puts an immense amount of pressure on conscientous parents. As a result we try really hard to make sure the children whose parents can't attend these events always have special jobs to do or can "hook" up with another parent. If you have good friends with kids in the same school, year etc, you can almost take it in turns so if one cant make it and the other can, they will adopt your child for the event and vice versa !!! It does get easier though, my eldest would be horrified if I turned up on a school trip with him !!!

[womblingfree]

I like your way of putting it cat!

Am hoping to start my own business, but may need to get another job in the short term to fund the set-up costs.

At the moment it's all educational stuff which I don't want to miss out on, and given the job situation in our area I probably won't have to!

Will have to cross any other bridges when it comes to it.

Am praying they do Sports Day late in the afternoon or v. late in Summer term so DH (who works at a private school) can be there. Frankly I'd be neither use nor ornament if I turned up !

[womblingfree]

It's totally bonkers. I was made redundant last summer, and as I went back to work when DD was 18 wks old, we decided I'd take a 'gap year' (and a bit!) to be at home with her until she started school.

So she started two weeks ago, and I am now looking for work/considering starting my own business, but it seems like the latter is the only option due to the amount of events etc that the school have on.

We had the calendar last week, and if I was working it would mean on average 2 days affected per month between now and Christmas!!!

I can't imagine how people manage to work round it, although suspect I will have to find out soon and am not looking forward to it...

[1dilemma]

Yes forget about changing the suit.

havn't made it to sports day or assembly yet! was increadibly chuffed to rock in during the last 5 minutes of one school play and think phew dc has seen me they'll think I was there the whole time

of course they turned around and said something along the lines of 'Mummy was late so missed it all' or 'why weren't you there Mummy?'

all set to make parents evening last year(major organisation involving picking up in multiple different places, leaving work early etc etc) when younger sib threw up all over the doorstep as we walked over it!!

[abgirl]

This may be repeating advice but use your parent governors to represent your views to the school - you are probably not the only parent working full time and they are elected to represent you. Find out who they are and badger ask them until they take up this issue - 2.45 meetings are not convenient for working parents!

[Takver]

Bhutan, people turn up at dd's school in whatever they work in - ranges from suit to farmer's overalls. Have never seen anyone ostracised because of it (and at least your suit won't smell of silage ).

[forehead]

I only turn up to
School plays
parents evening and sports day
I believe these are the most importanst events.
Children do feel left out if parent don't turn up to things .

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

When I was a kid both my parents were teachers so them getting time off to come to stuff during the day was not an option. They never came to a single assembly, sports day, harvest festival. I didn't have grandparents nearby so I had nobody come. They'd come to evening plays. It was fine, I accepted it, I don't rememeber being upset by it even if I was the only kid with noone there. It was what I was used to.

Sometimes I think parents worry about this stuff more than the kids do.

[muddleduck]

Bhutan - please ignore this "not in a suit" nonsense.

[stealthsquiggle]

Bhutan go in your suit FGS and use the time (if you have any) to have a swift G&T before you go. If you turned up in a suit (and I had made it to the meeting myself) I would think "Thank God for that, another WOHM" and definitely befriend you. Bizarrely, it is the other WOHMs who are most likely to help me out when I need it, be available on email to compare notes on latest school demands, etc, etc.

[Quattrocento]

Well we don't by and large. We have two DCs and the events we turn up for are

Plays
Concerts
Speech days
Sports days
Open mornings
Parents evenings

All those add up to a lot, without factoring in special assemblies, talks on forthcoming trips, pta type activities. It's just not possible.

[chuffinell]

wow so many responses - i wasnt able to get online last night, it was a bit hectic at home!

well it seems i have touched a nerve, but also that we are very lucky - DH can do the drop offs and i pick her up at 330 (by the skin of my teeth and some speeding on the motorway) on mondays, weds and fridays - she has to go to after school club tues and thursday but she loves it (honestly!)

i will attend the school plays, i would not miss them for the world, however much juggling it takes or the toll on my flexi time - i am in debit by 5 hours already but compared to teachers and doctors, nurses etc i know i am lucky to be able to negotiate extra time off. bhutan you do a ridiculously long day my love, you must be exhausted - ignore silly comments about no-one talking to you if you are in a suit - total nonsense

i am going to ask the teacher tonight what i am missing at the reading thing tomorrow, and explain how difficult it is for working mums to attend at this time in a nice way, i am not being militant ot stroppy, she is very nice.

i feel for all mums who struggle, and thank everyone who has posted such kind words of support and encouragement, i will try to be more relaxed about what i attend, and what i really dont need to worry about

[bhutan]

A lurker (feel so strongly about this) but lurking already at my desk from 7.30am this morning!! Tonight at 6pm there is a parents meeting at my DS's (in reception, started last week) school. I got up at 4am, rushed to get the early train to be at my desk for 7.30am only to try and leave by 4.30pm to get home and change (one of my friends told me not to turn up in a suit if I wanted to get to know the other mums - argggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)in time to rush up to the school for 6pm. I am knackered already, my boss is the most inflexible person going and I feel for my DS that I can't be there at every event.

Just another rant to add. I have no answer to it all apart from my DH who is picking up the tissues from the floor when I am sobbing in the bathroom!

[Northumberlandlass]

I am lucky enough to have my DP nearby (help us loads with childcare), they do assemblies (sp?) and my DM usually goes to school if they are discussing curriculum. I can usually get late appointments for parent evenings (if I reply straight away) and for sports day / christmas show's I / DH take holidays.
Not ideal, but we manage !

x

[broccoliandchips]

Well, I'm a teacher so not only do I miss the vast majority of everything at my daughters' schools but feel the pain of the children in my class when their parents aren't there!

[1dilemma]

Yes they probably are

however they attributed them to a need to harmonise with some local secondary schools

as the Mother of someone entering reception and since school is on border of London borough with about as many school start dates as there are schools I was a bit at the reason

schools!

[Clary]

1dilemma, your random days of closure I presume are inset (training) days.

In which case the school knows about them well in advance and should be able to tell you.

I knew in about March that we would have two extra days' hol at the end of summer.

[Clary]

BTW reading the thread I think some of these parents' evenings are not OK.

Why should MollieO have to arrange it at 8am? Our schools offer you a choice of times and it always includes at least one session of say 6.15-7pm.

But branflake - things like school assemblies, plays, harvest festival, carol concert etc - esp for little ones - really have to be within the school day.

You can't ask a load of 5yos to turn up at 7pm and sing.

It does get easier as they get older - my older 2 are in juniors and there is always a 6pm production of the Christmas show for example. And most of the choir's Christmas events were in the evening as well.

[1dilemma]

Most of the time we don't!

We have given up asking the school to give us more than 1 weeks notice of anything (we need to give long notice of any annual leave), they continually send out notes saying assembly/play/red squirrel costume for Thursday please!

They always do everything on the same day so our assembly has always been on one of the 2 days a week I simply can't get there they have a tendency to do everything else on Wed afternoon afterschool chats, extra plays etc again impossible for us.

They close for random days (2 extra added on at the start of term this Sept) and always shut 2 hours early on the last day of term (afterschool club does too!)

You do drop offs and pick-ups so are doing pretty well don't be too hard on yourself