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4 year old struggling in Reception

38 replies

Sundayrain · 16/03/2022 00:30

Just had quite an upsetting parents evening, 4yo DS is pretty far from where teacher would like him to be, particularly in writing but also maths and reading. He currently doesn't really write at all, he tries to copy letters but really struggles and has a very light grip so struggles to make marks. We know we need to work on improving the strength in his fingers and hands so trying to do play dough etc at home but it's so hard to get him to do it. He's very strong willed and I've never really been able to get him to do any activities at home that require sitting at a table focusing, he's very active with an amazing imagination and it's just not what he wants to do! I am seeing some progress with this since starting Reception but he's clearly behind his peers and I feel like I've failed him. He's at a prep school in a very small class so it's just him struggling and needing one to one help in most areas, I'm so upset at the prospect of him noticing that or other kids teasing him. We've got a meeting with the teacher and SENCO after Easter to develop a plan with clear targets for the rest of the year, I guess I just want to hear that there's still lots of time for him to catch up! He's the youngest but is June so not particularly young.

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CakesOfVersailles · 16/03/2022 01:55

Bless him, he is very young! He may well catch up at his own pace. In the country I live in now, he wouldn't be at school yet.

To help him with his finger grip, some other activities he might like more include using punches (hole punches); watering the garden using a water sprayer that you have to squeeze (try and get one with some resistance!), making bread or other treats that involve kneading and shaping; making slime.

To help with his reading, use your finger when reading picture books with him. If he is watching tv through a streaming service or if your tv has the options, put English subtitles on.

Count aloud when doing things around the house. Do simple subtraction/addition aloud. ("Look! Four birds on the fence. Oh, one flew away. Three birds left)".

He's the youngest in the class, he's only four, and he's only in reception. I would definitely support the teacher and do things to help him develop his motor skills at home, but I wouldn't worry at this stage.

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grey12 · 16/03/2022 02:46

Reception is a struggle Sad I totally disagree with how young kids learn to read/write in the UK. Anyways.....

You need to forget about it, stop stressing about it 🤷🏻‍♀️ honestly! He'll get there!!!

Try to make it fun. Painting!! Drawing!! Colouring books!! You can find cool cheap stuff at the supermarket. Activity books and what not. We have some write and wipe books to help with letters and numbers. Those are cool as well.

My daughter was really struggling and I was so sad but she just read "one fish 2 fish red fish blue fish" before bed! And she's in year1. So in a year he'll have improved sooo much it'll blow your mind!

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Dozycuntlaters · 16/03/2022 03:46

Blimey, he's only 4, sounds like a massive over reaction on the teachers part. My DS is an august baby so started reception a week after his 4th birthday. By the end of reception yesterday he could just about write his name and read a few words but that was about it. Being a young one in the year does make a massive difference, think it takes until year 2 or so until it evens out.

Honestly OP don't let the school panic you. Legally he doesn't even have to be there yet and in some countries kids don't start school till a lot later. Looking back now at photos of Ds's first day at school it looks like I was sending a baby to school, quite sad really. He'll get there in his own time so don't be worrying too much .

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Ghostmooncup · 16/03/2022 06:02

I have a June born 4yo in reception and I can see the difference between when her winter born older sibling was in reception. Her letters are still not very clear. Bear in mind the disruption from covid to the pre school years too. My child is very quiet and I think delayed socially due to lockdowns.

That said, There Is no harm at looking what is happening. What are his gross motor skills like e.g. running, climbing, balancing riding a bike? How is he sitting? Does he sit straight with feet in the floor or is he squirming around, leaning forward, or picking his feet up? Those make a difference to grip. That's a big part if the puzzle with writing that gets forgotten.

I'm a children's PT and have seen lots of 4yo coming through recently with poor core stability and gross motor skills which are impacting on writing. I can only assume the lockdowns/ closure of playgrounds have had this effect.

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Sundayrain · 16/03/2022 07:01

Thank you so much for the replies and these ideas, I'm off to the supermarket today to see what I can find. @Ghostmooncup his gross motor skills are definitely not great, he runs fine but struggles with balance (they said that about PE too). School said they're going to send home some exercises to do. He's started tennis recently which I hope will help and he does street dance once a week which he loves.

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gogohm · 16/03/2022 07:07

He's only young and can easily catch up! My dd left not only reception but key stage 2 not reading the list of words they are meant to, she barely made the standards for 7 by 11 in English BUT she got A's at a level and is about to graduate from a top university, some kids are later developers.

As for the pencil grip, that is something that is far from unusual but do consider talking to your gp about an ot assessment, cannot hurt and if there's poor tone there's exercises and advice they can give you. My dd1 had pencil grippers for instance (like rubbers that go over the pencil, and special triangular pens

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longlines · 16/03/2022 07:09

Have you looked at your local state schools? Our DC's infant school had them learning through play at this age, and it was wonderful.

Maybe consider state till 7 then back to the prep, if there's a good school locally?

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Ghostmooncup · 16/03/2022 07:10

@Sundayrain you can ask for a paediatric physiotherapy referral for a formal assessment.

You can also get him doing things like climbing up slides ( obv when the park is quiet!), and vary it so he has to climb up backwards etc, starting off swings by himself, climbing on a tree or climbing frame, zip wires. All of those things will help him build his core strength.

Swimming and gymnastics also great for core strength.

Hope things get better for him soon.

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Sundayrain · 16/03/2022 13:17

Thanks so much for the replies, definitely feel less panicked today! I've got a GP appointment for next week to discuss a potential referral and have stocked up on some new activities.

@longlines the thing is he absolutely loves the school and is so happy and settled there (went to the preschool there too) so we'd hate to uproot him if possible.

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scootalucy · 16/03/2022 13:24

OP loads of kids don't start school until age 6 in Europe. He is so little, he will be fine! And the other kids won't tease - they're not old enough to tease about handwriting etc. I agree to just do fun things and it will come. Sorry you've been made to feel so stressed.

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morechocolateneededtoday · 16/03/2022 17:10

@Newnamemz put this list on another post for things you can do to strengthen motor skills and I thought it was absolutely fantastic

Fine Motor Skills
Things to remember:

Upright working surfaces promote fine motor skills. Examples of these are: vertical chalkboards; easels for painting; flannel boards; lite bright; magnet boards (or fridge); windows and mirrors; white boards, etc. Children can also make sticker pictures; do rubber ink-stamping; use reuseable stickers to make pictures; complete puzzles with thick knobs; use magna-doodle and etch-a-sketch as well. The benefits for these include: having the child's wrist positioned to develop good thumb movements; they help develop good fine motor muscles; the child is using the arm and shoulder muscles.
Fine Motor Activities
Moulding and rolling play dough into balls - using the palms of the hands facing each other and with fingers curled slightly towards the palm.
Rolling play dough into tiny balls (peas) using only the finger tips.
Using pegs or toothpicks to make designs in play dough.
Cutting play dough with a plastic knife or with a pizza wheel by holding the implement in a diagonal volar grasp.
Tearing newspaper into strips and then crumpling them into balls. Use to stuff scarecrow or other art creation.
Scrunching up 1 sheet of newspaper in one hand. This is a super strength builder.
Using a plant sprayer to spray plants, (indoors, outdoors) to spray snow (mix food colouring with water so that the snow can be painted), or melt "monsters". (Draw monster pictures with markers and the colours will run when sprayed.)
Picking up objects using large tweezers such as those found in the "Bedbugs" game. This can be adapted by picking up Cheerios, small cubes, small marshmallows, pennies, etc., in counting games.
Shaking dice by cupping the hands together, forming an empty air space between the palms.
Using small-sized screwdrivers like those found in an erector set.
Lacing and sewing activities such as stringing beads, Cheerios, macaroni, etc.
Using eye droppers to "pick up" coloured water for colour mixing or to make artistic designs on paper.
Rolling small balls out of tissue paper, then gluing the balls onto construction paper to form pictures or designs.
Turning over cards, coins, checkers, or buttons, without bringing them to the edge of the table.
Making pictures using stickers or self-sticking paper reinforcements.
Playing games with the "puppet fingers" -the thumb, index, and middle fingers. At circle time have each child's puppet fingers tell about what happened over the weekend, or use them in songs and finger plays.

Place a variety of forms (eg. blocks, felt, paper, string, yarn, cereal, cotton) on outlines
Match shapes, colour, or pictures to a page and paste them within the outlines

Self-Care Skills
Buttoning
Lacing
Tying
Fastening Snaps
Zipping
Carrying
Using a screwdriver
Locking and unlocking a door
Winding a clock
Opening and closing jars
Rolling out dough or other simple cooking activities
Washing plastic dishes
Sweeping the floor
Dressing
Scissor Activities
When scissors are held correctly, and when they fit a child's hand well, cutting activities will exercise the very same muscles which are needed to manipulate a pencil in a mature tripod grasp. The correct scissor position is with the thumb and middle finger in the handles of the scissors, the index finger on the outside of the handle to stabilize, with fingers four and five curled into the palm.
Cutting junk mail, particularly the kind of paper used in magazine subscription cards.
Making fringe on the edge of a piece of construction paper.
Cutting play dough or clay with scissors.
Cutting straws or shredded paper.
Cutting
Use a thick black line to guide cutting the following:
A fringe from a piece of paper
Cut off corners of a piece of paper
Cut along curved lines
Cut lines with a variety of angles
Cut figures with curves and angles

Sensory Activities
The following activities ought to be done frequently to increase postural muscle strength and endurance. These activities also strengthen the child's awareness of his/her hands.
Wheelbarrow walking, crab walking
Clapping games (loud/quiet, on knees together, etc.)
Catching (clapping) bubbles between hands
Pulling off pieces of thera-putty with individual fingers and thumb
Drawing in a tactile medium such as wet sand, salt, rice, or "goop". Make "goop" by adding water to cornstarch until you have a mixture similar in consistency to toothpaste. The "drag" of this mixture provides feedback to the muscle and joint receptors, thus facilitating visual motor control.
Picking out small objects like pegs, beads, coins, etc., from a tray of salt, sand, rice, or putty. Try it with eyes closed too. This helps develop sensory awareness in the hands.

Midline Crossing
Establishment of hand dominance is still developing at this point. The following activities will facilitate midline crossing:
Encourage reaching across the body for materials with each hand. It may be necessary to engage the other hand in an activity to prevent switching hands at midline.
Refrain specifically from discouraging a child from using the left hand for any activity. Allow for the natural development of hand dominance by presenting activities at midline, and allowing the child to choose freely.
Start making the child aware of the left and right sides of his body through spontaneous comments like, "kick the ball with your right leg." Play imitation posture games like "Simon Says" with across the body movements.
When painting at easel, encourage the child to paint a continuous line across the entire paper- also from diagonal to diagonal.




Activities To Develop Handwriting Skills
There are significant prerequisites for printing skills that begin in infancy and continue to emerge through the preschool years. The following activities support and promote fine motor and visual motor development:
Body Stability
The joints of the body need to be stable before the hands can be free to focus on specific skilled fine motor tasks.
Wheelbarrow walking, crab walking, and wall push-ups.
Toys: Orbiter, silly putty, and monkey bars on the playground.

Fine Motor Skills
When a certain amount of body stability has developed, the hands and fingers begin to work on movements of dexterity and isolation as well as different kinds of grasps. Children will develop fine motor skills best when they work on a VERTICAL or near vertical surface as much as possible. In particular, the wrist must be in extension. (Bent back in the direction of the hand)
Attach a large piece of drawing paper to the wall. Have the child use a large marker and try the following exercises to develop visual motor skills:Make an outline of a one at a time. Have the child trace over your line from left to right, or from top to bottom. Trace each figure at least 10 times . Then have the child draw the figure next to your model several times.
Play connect the dots. Again make sure the child's strokes connect dots fromleft to right, and from top to bottom.
Trace around stencils - the non-dominant hand should hold the stencil flat and stable against the paper, while the dominant hand pushes the pencil firmly against the edge of the stencil. The stencil must be held firmly.
Attach a large piece of felt to the wall, or use a felt board. The child can use felt shapes to make pictures. Magnetic boards can be used the same way.
Have the child work on a chalkboard, using chalk instead of a marker. Do the same kinds of tracing and modeling activities as suggested above.
Paint at an easel. Some of the modeling activities as suggested above can be done at the easel.
Magna Doodle- turn it upside down so that the erasing lever is on the . Experiment making vertical, horizontal, and parallel lines.

Ocular Motor Control
This refers to the ability of the eyes to work together to follow and hold an object in the line of vision as needed.
Use a flashlight against the ceiling. Have the child lie on his/her back or tummy and visually follow the moving light from left to right, to bottom, and diagonally.
Find hidden pictures in books. (There are special books for this.)
Maze activities.

Eye-hand Coordination
This involves accuracy in placement, direction, and spatial awareness.
Throw bean bags/kooshi balls into a hula hoop placed flat on the floor. Gradually increase the distance.
Play throw and catch with a ball . Start with a large ball and work toward a smaller ball. (Kooshi balls are easier to catch than a tennis ball.)
Practice hitting bowling pins with a ball. (You can purchase these games or make your own with pop bottles and a small ball.)
Play "Hit the Balloon" with a medium-sized balloon.

Lots of ideas of things that are much more fun than writing to try

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longlines · 16/03/2022 18:55

@scootalucy

OP loads of kids don't start school until age 6 in Europe. He is so little, he will be fine! And the other kids won't tease - they're not old enough to tease about handwriting etc. I agree to just do fun things and it will come. Sorry you've been made to feel so stressed.

Yes, but they go to full time nursery / pre-school. So they're doing early years: not so different from DC in this country.

The EYFS curriculum in the UK (which OFSTED uses to inspect) advocates for learning through play in nursery AND reception, so it's really not that different.

It's a myth that DC in Europe don't go to school till 6 if it includes an implication that DC are home till then. Also, in a lot of countries that this applies to, DC start full time daycare a lot earlier than they might here.

In Denmark, for example, DC don't start formal school till later than in the UK, and both mothers and fathers can take time off when the DC are born, up to 2 years.

But, it's also normal for DC to go into full time nursery at 2, which isn't the skipping-around-the-countryside-being-free existence I think a lot of people imagine when they hear DC don't go to school till they're 6 or whatever.
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scootalucy · 16/03/2022 19:19

@longlines my brothers kids were in Austrian kindergarten - and did no reading or writing until starting school at 6. Ditto in Finland I believe.

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scootalucy · 16/03/2022 19:20

@longlines also in Ireland - no formal learning until 5/6

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Lndnmummy · 16/03/2022 19:32

@longlines I am Swedish. There is absoloutely a focus on free play (yes outdoors) until children start school at (after 6yrs old). There is categorically not, in any Scandinavian countries, assessments nor any expectations on childrens reading/writing/numeracy skills at the age of 4.

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Lndnmummy · 16/03/2022 19:35

OP, Read to him and practise his sounds. Perhaps use large chalks for outside to practice letter formation. Do tracing on wipe clean paper. And please try not to worry. What I would say is to engage with the school. They are experienced and so I would listen and engage with them.

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Lndnmummy · 16/03/2022 19:39

I don't think anyone thinks Scandinavian kids are at home until 6 years old. The childcare system is pretty well known. Most children are at nursery fulltime where they focus on building social skills, build gross and fine motor skills and learn to enjoy books by beinf read to. If someone can't focus on the carpet, they can go and play with something else (not sent on "warning").

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longlines · 16/03/2022 19:39

[quote Lndnmummy]@longlines I am Swedish. There is absoloutely a focus on free play (yes outdoors) until children start school at (after 6yrs old). There is categorically not, in any Scandinavian countries, assessments nor any expectations on childrens reading/writing/numeracy skills at the age of 4.[/quote]
In the UK, we have the Early Years Foundation Stage. It advocates learning via play, with free access to outside, in nursery and reception.

Not all schools do this (and private schools aren't bound by it in the way state schools are), but in the UK best practice is to learn through play in the year they're 4-5, not moving to more formal learning until they're in year 1 (so, 5-6).

My DC's school did this and it was wonderful (hence my suggestion of checking out the local state school).

Schools that educate children of 4 through formal education and assessments aren't following best practice, as I understand it.

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scootalucy · 16/03/2022 20:09

Hi @longlines my daughter is 4 and at state school. She does lots of free play and formal learning and it's working brilliantly for her. But I can see it's not great for every child and I can also see how a parent with a child who is struggling with the academics could feel under tremendous pressure. And I think that's unnecessary.

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scootalucy · 16/03/2022 20:14

And I agree with @Lndnmummy no one is implying that European kids are at home until 6, they are at fantastically subsidised day care! But it is also true that they and their parents are not being pushed to do reading and writing before formal school.

But as I say my DD has taken well to reading and writing so I think it's not that one way is right and the other wrong just that one size schooling doesn't fit all.

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Lndnmummy · 16/03/2022 20:35

@longlines Absoloutely. I agree with you. I think many children are "ready" at the age of 4ish (my youngest is for example, and a july born). I think for those children, the uk system is fantastic (I only have experience of state schools though). I think there are other children, such as my eldest and the OP's son who, despite the focus on play, still find it challenging as developmentally, they just aren't ready. I am so sorry for being so blunt. I was typing one handedly, while trying to navigate spelling practise so I was reallt short and snappy after a rubbish day. I am sorry @longlines

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0htooooodles · 16/03/2022 20:42

I could have written this about my current 4 year old in reception, only he's slightly speech delayed too (mixes up some of his letters). I came back feeling so disheartened as we thought he'd come on leaps and bounds, but his teacher didn't think he'll hit his targets at all come July. He's an august baby so youngest in the class too

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Aria2015 · 16/03/2022 20:51

My summer born son really struggled in reception and was very behind. We had similar upsetting parents evenings. He's in year 2 now and caught up with maths and his reading and writing have come along loads. He too struggled to press hard enough when writing, this got better with practice and now it's not an issue. At home I tried to encourage colouring activities to help with pen control. I wish I hadn't worried so much. Lots of my friends said he'd catch up and that he was too young to worry about his academic prospects, they were right. The school though was saying things like 'if he falls behind now, it will be very hard for him to catch up' and freaked me out! I look back now and realise just how young 4 years old is. I feel bad that I tried to pressure him to practice his writing at home (causing lots of tears). He's matured now, he can concentrate for longer and he can grasp things quicker and learning seems to just come so much easier to him now he's a bit older. I will not be putting my second under the same pressure if she faces the same struggles.

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0htooooodles · 16/03/2022 21:17

@Aria2015

My summer born son really struggled in reception and was very behind. We had similar upsetting parents evenings. He's in year 2 now and caught up with maths and his reading and writing have come along loads. He too struggled to press hard enough when writing, this got better with practice and now it's not an issue. At home I tried to encourage colouring activities to help with pen control. I wish I hadn't worried so much. Lots of my friends said he'd catch up and that he was too young to worry about his academic prospects, they were right. The school though was saying things like 'if he falls behind now, it will be very hard for him to catch up' and freaked me out! I look back now and realise just how young 4 years old is. I feel bad that I tried to pressure him to practice his writing at home (causing lots of tears). He's matured now, he can concentrate for longer and he can grasp things quicker and learning seems to just come so much easier to him now he's a bit older. I will not be putting my second under the same pressure if she faces the same struggles.

This makes me feel so much better. I'm so pleased your son is doing well now. It's hard to not feel like your failing them, but I need to try and remind myself he's only 4.
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Sundayrain · 17/03/2022 00:14

Thank you so much everyone for your replies Smile

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