son 8 obsessive interest in online gaming

[heatwave426]

I put this post in another section and got no response. I am now hoping I will get some feedback here. I think it is appropriate to put in education as I have no doubt that my son's extreme interest in gaming is having an impact on his progress at school.
So to begin my son has an excitable and quite reactive personality. He has some difficulty managing his emotions. He will cry and be dramatic and (seemingly totally devastated when he is punished). and can also, sometimes be sensitive and very much in tune with the feelings of others.
I have been concerned with his overly focussed attitude to gaming for sometime.Recently I watched a Victoria Derbyshire programme on which the problem of online gaming addiction in children was the focus. The programme was mostly about children using Fortnite. 3 boys from the same family where observed by a psychologists and hooked up to monitors which measured their cortisol levels whilst gaming.. The mother of the children was present and spoke about how all consuming gaming had become for one of her sons. He was unsurprisingly the one whose cortisol rocketed whilst he was being monitored gaming.
I state this because I believe that this trait seems to be something which my son possesses as part of the way he is rather than something I have inadvertently nurtured.I can imagine his cortisol would be very high given an experience such as that shown on the programme.
I am terribly concerned about it and quite unsure what to do. I do not know where to go for advice because no one seems to have knowledge and insight in this area.
I certainly do not, and never have given my child a free reign with online gaming. He is allowed an hour during the weekend and if neighbour's children come over he is allowed to play on his Wii with them for an hour or so. During the week I allow him to use the iPad and the Wii for an hour on Wednesdays and Mondays. He plays Roblox, I have set the required birth date etc so that he can only access specific games. He also plays Minecraft and Skylanders.
His life seems to revolve around using his computer time. Once it has been used he seems to be calmer. I understand that with some children being less controlling of time on technology might make it less attractive but even when I am more relaxed with computer/iPad time etc over the holidays my son is still focussed on games. He talks about them constantly. His art work is about characters, and games he plays at school seem to be reenactments of the online games.I can deal with this. What I find more disturbing is sometimes he will lie to me or make up stories so he has access to technology when he is not allowed it. For example this morning a neighbour's child came to play. He asked the child to sneak his iPad in when he knew he wasn't allowed. I recently heard about a child wetting herself because she was unwilling to take time out during a gaming session. This was no shock to me as my son has done it a couple of times,
Gaming is part of life for most youngsters now so banning it is not a realistic or productive option. Further my child is an only child so reading, Lego etc are not always enough to keep a child going when he is on his own. I do not have a backyard and am a solo parent so going to the park on a school night after work is not easy. My son however gets lots of physical activity and is involved in a number of activities and sports which he enjoys in the weekend and during the holidays. He also gets to go to the park and run around when at my childminder or at aftercare.
I wonder if anyone has had a similar problem and has found any positive ways of managing it. I would also be keen to know what opinions teachers have on this subject and if within schools this issue has created problems and if so how are the being addressed?

[heatwave426]

The programme mention was on last night.

[heatwave426]

It is interesting, and disappointing when people get so hot headed about other people's questions put on here in good faith and asking for suggestions. If my original thread was read it is clear that my child's screen time is limited. I am not worried about it because I want to be, or because it's fashionable to be worried about screen time! as opposed to reading, sudoku or whatever. I am worried about it because my instincts and my experience as a parent and educator tell me that my child has an unhealthy relationship with some online games. I am clearly not alone. Anyone who has genuine concerns and doesn't want to be fobbed of with, what if scenarios, listen to last night's Radio 4 Children and the Internet
Moral Maze-announcing the plans, the Education Secretary Damian. It was on at 8.30 and can be accessed on their website. The programme provided an interesting and balanced discussion.
Thank-you for those of you who offered practical advice.
My point about cortisol was not to illustrate that gaming produced cortisol, but seemingly, and as highlighted by the psychologist on the programme, that some individuals are more susceptible and vulnerable to addictive games than others and what parents might do if they think their child has such a vulnerability. The example shown illustrated the effect of online gaming on three brothers, with a mother who appeared level headed and sensible voicing her concerns about one of her sons. His cortisol level rose dramatically when gaming in contrast to increase in levels with his siblings.
As stated I am on here to get practical advice so that I can help my son manage gaming in a fun and productive manner.

[ProfessorMoody]

Of course computer games produce cortisol. They always have. Of course they want you to keep playing them. That's how they make money.

However, plenty of other activities produce cortisol too. Sport - some children are so obsessed with football or rugby it's all they can think about or talk about (fucking YAWN). That's OK though, because it's sport.

I was obsessed with reading as a child. I went through 10-15 novels a week, read while I was eating, travelling, got into trouble for reading under the quilt with a torch after lights out. No one got concerned because I was "addicted".

If a child enjoys a game, so what? Limit their play and that's the end of addiction, because even if they're obsessed with it, who cares? It's not damaging them if it's balanced with other things. Children get obsessions and phases. It's part of growing up.

[user789653241]

OP, you are the parent, you have the responsibility to break the habit of your child if you think it's getting unhealthy.
My ds plays games a lot, but can easily go without playing at all, if he has other things to do. He can regulate himself quite well.
There's benefits with playing games, as well as negatives. Like pp says, it's all about balance.
You are posting in primary so I assume your dc is still primary age. What they are allowed to do should still be under your control.

[YodelOdel]

My son has just done a talk on this for his GCSE English mock.

To quote his research, I wonder if we would all be up in arms if the child was obsessed with Sudoku? Would we discourage that? Is it the game or the time spent playing the game?

On demand TV (Netflix) encourages binge watching of shows releasing the whole series at once. Why is that sociably acceptable but gaming is not?

It obviously is about moderation and boundaries. My own children are in secondary and have outstanding effort grades in every subject and are high achieving academically. But they do game. A lot.

I personally play Fortnite and love it. I suppose it just comes down to encouraging interests other than the games. Both my children expand their academic knowledge and read around the subjects they are studying. YouTube has millions of videos, surely there is something to spark an interest? Steve Spangler does incredible science experiments that are amazing to watch.

Plus Roblox has some incredible games, Urbis is a game where you get a job, get paid money and then spend that money. My children also played Theme Park Tycoon, you have to build rides, charge admission etc and make a profit.

So not all games are adrenaline fuelled kill everyone in sight games. It is about balance.

[heatwave426]

ProfessorMoody 'The problem we are having with children being obsessed with games is not down to the child, it is down to the parenting, but the parents who have problems refuse to admit it.'

Well you may well say this. Some parents might be responsible to leaving the kids to hours on end on the iPad but who knows what goes on in their lives? and who knows if all children necessarily suffer as a result. I don't think that the problem I have with my child having such an unhealthy relationship with some computer games is down to me. The research done by the psychologist on the programme I mentioned on my original question indicates that some individuals are far more susceptible to addictive games than others. This was illustrated my the 3 boys from the same family being hooked up to a device that measured their cortisol levels and brain activity when gaming. I think it is now a known fact that game creators produce games that are addictive and play on certain vulnerabilities. They want people to play them over and over again. That;s how they get their money.
I think there are certain games that tend to be far more addictive than others and as others have already mentioned some roblox games are in this category.
There are some good suggestions here. I will look into the screensaver app and work with my son to devise a system of him gaining screen time based on helping in the home etc.
I am absolutely not against gaming as such. There are some fantastic games and I am aware of them. Recently I did an internet safety session with year 4 students. The games which are the most popular tend to involve shooting, fighting and going from level to level by fighting, shooting and so.
.

[user789653241]

Yes, I know there are many studies. But we tend to believe what we want to believe.
Some of us are in favour of playing games like me(though I do have some restrictions), others are totally against it.
If you really want to convince someone of opposite opinion, telling them to google won't be very helpful, imo.

[ProfessorMoody]

Irvine, there are many studies, both for and against gaming. I prefer to trust the studies that have done a higher quality of research, and not articles written by the Daily Fail and hysterical parents.

Nellia, as I've stated many times, the evidence is available. It isn't me who wants it, it's you, so go and find it. It's not rocket science.

[MitchDash]

Having used google scholar myself I have found a mix of benefits and negatives to gaming but mostly this is dependent on the nature of the game, the age of the user and the time spent. If it involves shooting, fighting or any other violence then none of the research found anything beneficial from the gaming.

@ProfessorMoody potentially your researcher bias somewhat clouds your analysis of the material, meaning you are finding what you want to find.

[Nellia]

Erm no I didnt say that.

Please see what irvineonehone said for an alternative take on my point.

However I suspect this discussion has taken the thread far far away from the OPs request and is likely to shortly become somewhat circular in its progress due to your failure to back up a claim so lets leave it where it is.

[user789653241]

But the thing is, googling may not direct you to the same study that you are referring to. It might takes us to the totally opposite conclusion.

[ProfessorMoody]

Goodness me. You're having a pop because you can't be bothered to use Google? How incredibly sad.

[Nellia]

Aw I understand that you are asserting an opinion criticising parents for their choices without backing it up with the vast array of easily accessible information you claim is out there.

Its a shame you feel justified in doing so.

Hopefully I wont have to type that for a third time.

[ProfessorMoody]

Not really. I've already explained why I won't be making a huge effort to find a load of authors and links when you could do it yourself if you're that interested. I won't be posting my own links as they would be outing.

It's a shame I've had to type it twice. Perhaps you'll understand this time.

[Nellia]

Yup I did mean citing thank for the correction hope that you can now understand my message.

[Nellia]

Yup I did.

[user789653241]

Well I agree with Nellia. If you want to convince someone with your study, it's nice of you to make a reference. Otherwise, there are hundreds of them, so we might find totally opposite of what you claim.

[ProfessorMoody]

Do you mean citing?

[Nellia]

Professormoody its not a question of being lazy its a question of someone making a claim based on research but not referencing said research. Anyone with a university education learns that sighting your source is a neccesary part of proving your assertion.....

[user789653241]

I haven't read any of the research, but I don't think it's neither really good or bad.
I do believe there's some benefits to it, but if the child is too obsessed, it can't be good.

My ds is similar to professor's dc, he was exposed to tv/games/screen from really early age. And I didn't make any limit. Abundance of access made it as one of many things, among other thing he could do.
So, he is obsessed with a game, but he writes, draws, makes models with lego, learn to play songs, etc, so not just obsessed with just playing game.

[Feenie]

Yes, there's definitely a lot of research into gaming and aggression in gamers.

[bookmum08]

The amount of time you give him to play (an hour on weekends and Monday /Wednesday) is hardly anything. You say he is obsessed - sounds like he has just got an interest. If it was a TV programme he watched 3 times a week and was interested in the characters, drew pictures of them etc would you call it an obsession? Or if it was a book. If it was Harry Potter and he drew pictures of the characters and wrote 'fan fiction' - is that an obsession or an interest. It appears you let him have four hours a week. That is not an obsession. That is hardly anything.

[BubblesBuddy]

Research often gives the answer you want it to because you are seeking to prove your assertion. If a child is having tantrums, lying and generally fighting with siblings, this surely negates the positives of long hours gaming?

Also, who says the brightest game all the time? I would love to know if Oxbridge students spent 8 hours a day gaming as DN does. One would think not. He’s not doing well at school because he won’t devote time to doing anything else other than gaming and his parents thought gaming was beneficial at 8. Now they have a recalcitrant teen they aren’t so sure. He’s going backwards educationally. Intelligent friends have moved on.

It’s clearly one of those issues where a little bit of what you fancy does you good but if you become obsessed (or drunk or obese) you have a problem. It’s not pleasant and it’s not educational!

[Feenie]