ASD Socialising problems

[greeneggblueegg]

We have suspected for some time that DD (10) has ASD traits. After raising our concerns with the Head (also the SENCo) she agreed with us and has brought in resource to observe DD in the first instance.

Her behaviours include being bossy, impulsive and brutally honest. Whilst she doesn't mean to be unkind this has obviously created friendship barriers and is now at the extent where her classmates actively avoid her .

The problem is she just doesn't see that it is her behaviour contributing to the situation and she blames everyone else. It is heartbreaking listening to her cry after school that no one wants to play with her but she won't listen to me or my suggestions.

Am hoping that a formal diagnosis will come soon and we get some advice but in the meantime how can I help her? She does plenty of extra-curricular activities to keep her mind off things but she is desperately lonely at school and I'm afraid it will only get worse once she's at secondary school.

[imip]

I’d also be more proactive in bringing this to the attention of your GP. In my experience (2 ASD dds), School will progress this slowly, if at all. Map your dds behaviours to the triad of impairments and explain this to your Gp.

In terms of what your asking, you could get school to organise more structured games and activities st break time. She will be transitioning soon enough and you really need to get a diagnosis and support in place before this (if possible).

Also, visit the sn boards where there are more patents of ASD children, who may have some good ideas. For my dd, she has a person at the end of the day that she ‘touches’ base with for 10 mins to unload the difficulties of the day. To try not to bring them home. It’s helpful, less instances of violence and running away after school.

[BarbarianMum]

Well there are 2 different things here. One is chasing a diagnosis. The other is improving (or helping her improve) her social skills. These are, to a certain extent, seperate things. A diagnosis may lead to her being able to access certain things but most of what you can do /acces regarding social skills you should be able to access without one.

Have you talked to your dd about a possible diagnosis ? Does she recognise that she finds certain things difficult? Does she know the term autism?

[RavenWings]

Maybe you need to roleplay these situations with her, rather than just suggesting. It might be easier to grasp where she's going wrong then. I'd also suggest roleplaying correct behaviour too.

[EllenJanethickerknickers]

If role playing seems a bit abstract and fleeting to your DD you could try a comic style (stick figures) social story. So it's more concrete and your DD can refer to it repeatedly if necessary.

[quantiestillecanisinfenestra]

OP have you tried using social stories with her? There's some info here
www.autism.org.uk/about/strategies/social-stories-comic-strips.aspx

[greeneggblueegg]

Thank you all. She really doesn't recognise she has a problem, that it's everyone else being mean to her.
Therefore as yet we haven't discussed anything formal with her.

When I have tried to talk to her about friendships and where the flashpoint might occur she resolutely doesn't want to hear it (at least from me). Just gets angry, tearful and resentful.

[EllenJanethickerknickers]

Maybe a social story that she can read or look at would diffuse the anger a bit. She can get angry at a sheet of paper but it mightn't be you she's getting angry with. Take some photocopies so it doesn't matter if they get destroyed. It may not work but worth a try.

[EllenJanethickerknickers]

TBH, schools can be a bit crap at helping with social skills. The teachers have no training in it and most DC just get on with it. You might find you need to become the expert and help them to help your DD.

[Crouchendmumoftwo]

You could be describing my daughter. She joined a Caspari group initiative and a socialising group instigated by the school and now she is a different child, social chatty caring and has loads of friends. She has completely changed in the last year. You would not recognise her from the previous year. So your concerns may be right or they may just be a developmental glitch as we had. Its very easy for girls to get into this situation.

[Ellieboolou27]

My dd almost 6 is exactly like this, I fear that by year 3 or 4 none of the girls will talk to her, I got a book called the unwritten rules of friendship which is great, more suitable for your dd’s age, think my dd is a little young to grasp it fully.

It’s very frustrating and upsetting to watch them become ostracised, I find my dd is better one to one rather than in big groups, Is there a particular friend she could invite to your house to try and encourage friendship?

It’s hard

[ShawshanksRedemption]

Part of being on the spectrum is rigid thoughts patterns or black and white thinking. It can really hard for people on the spectrum to look at things differently. Trying to look at how her classmates may feel if she talks you through a certain scenario may be a different approach, so it's not looking at her behaviour, but theirs and how she could react/feel about it if you explain their reactions/feelings to her. She needs support to understand neuro-typical behaviours and responses as she sounds like she is finding it hard to understand them.

I would also ask the school what they suggest. Do they have a nurture/freidnship group for lunchtime with a member of staff for example? Could your DD be given a job to do with another child (watering plants, collecting coffee cups, helping the younger kids play in Foundation year) so there is some structure for her? If given job, a staff member would need to sit down and explain exactly what is needed and whose role it would be (e.g. watering plants - DD to get watering cans, other child to fill them, DD to water plants in classes A, B and C, other to water plants in classes X, Y Z). Maybe even a visual reminder for DD to carry around with her to remind her of the rules?