Mum fell sick on school run

[Olivia93]

Hi all im asking for my cousin whos been sick with cold and flu and fever faint at her children school this morning because her temperature was high and she had no one to take them to school and no family around. The school was very helpful , ambulance was called took her to the hospital and discharge . She worrying that school will thinks she a bad mother and because she has no family around , they will involved social service and take her 2 kids away. I told her not to worry , everything will be fine . Please ladies help my cousin to feel secure that shes not a bad mum at all

[Chienrouge]

I don’t know why you think having no family/friends around would be a case for social services? Plenty of people live away from their families. We’ve recently moved but before moving were 200 miles from family and friends. It’s not a reason for social services involvement .

[sackrace]

OP I have been in the same situation as your cousins where I have had no close family or support. It can be so so hard.

What I did was anytime I could help people I would. Also in the UK there are many people in the same boat so sometimes it helps to know you can try find a different support network.

I always try to help people by offering play dates, baby sitting and on and on. That way it can be swings and roundabouts.

Also when I was really ill I didn't feel bad about endless takeaways (it was the only way my children could eat at night for a whole) and so on it just had to be done as I couldn't even cook or go upstairs.

Thankfully a single mum took my kids and dropped them to and back from school, she did this before and after I go out of hospital, she just came up to me one day and said you look so Ill let me do drop off and pick up.

There was another mum who worked full time and took my children on a play date for two weekends in a row. Those two Saturdays allowed me a 3 hour break whist the time was massive for me.

I always think that at such a crap time in my life to see someone helping me selflessly really made me feel better.

So now I really do go out of my way to help.

Your cousins should not worry and I hope she can ask for help.

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

Explaining to the school office and enlisting their help is all she needs to do. Let them take it from there.
In a roundabout way it could actually be a positive thing for your cousin, going forward.
She'll hopefully get some sort of local network out of this, which can only be a good thing.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

In all of my kids schools this would result in nothing other than offers of help from staff and parents.

Not one person would judge her for being that committed to her kids education that she got there, and if this referral landed on my desk outside of Mum needing and wanting someone to care for the kids because she was still in hospital or something I would be thinking huh why refer?

[TeenTimesTwo]

SS have far better things to do than take children away from a single parent who is temporarily ill against the parent's will.

However, I do agree with other posters that your cousin could benefit from having some contacts of other parents at the school who might do her the odd favour in an emergency.

There is no shame in asking for help occasionally, and most people would be happy to help out if they are able to.

[reluctantbrit]

I think there is no need to worry about SS but some informal Plan B would be good. Schools do know that parents sometimes struggle and I agree a Family Liasion officer may be a good point of contact.

We had it that both DH and I were down with the flu but DD had recovered already, I fell sick a couple of times when DH was away on business and there are several mums in my road/around the corner I can phone and they will pick up DD/drop her off. Obviously I do the same.

That really helps. I was never so glad when DD started Y6 and was allowed to walk alone when I had a knee operation and was housebound for weeks.

[cestlavielife]

Yes she should reach out...and on another occasion she can help someone else.
As lone parent with other L.P. we had mutual understanding to help..and two parent famies helped too. It s not shameful to be lp. People will help. And in emergency ss are obliged to help make sure dc are looked after temporarily if mum is ill and in hospital.

[RedSkyAtNight]

So all she's actually done is fall ill at school? I can't remotely see why anyone would be other that entirely sympathetic.

In terms of the next few days, it sounds like the best thing is to ask another parent to take her DC to school while she rests (and ideally has them after school as well). Regardless of whether they are friends or not, this is something that most parents would be totally happy to do.

[quantiestillecanisinfenestra]

threeelephants your school sounds amaxing!

OP if it helps, I worked with a lady once who was in a refuge, new to the country, and heavily pregnant. She became ill with a virus and had to go in to hospital. The refuge couldn't care for the children so they went in to foster care, with her agreement. AT NO POINT did anyone question her parenting, she was just poorly. She came out of hospital, was given a couple of days to recover, and the kids were dropped off back with her. No delay, no questions asked. Because they knew she was a loving mum.

I'm not saying this because I think for one moment that your cousin's kids will be removed. I'm saying it to illustrate that when a mum is taken ill, services seek to support, not remove kids. I'm sure even this won't be an issue for your cousin.

[GrockleBocs]

Social Services were the back up provision in case your relative was too poorly to come out of hospital. That's all. They could have arranged emergency care if there was nobody to collect the children at the end of the day.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

I think most teachers would admire your cousins determination to get her kids into school!

This.

Every school will have had kids that habitually turn up late (if at all) because parents have got hangovers or just cant be arsed. She got them there no matter the cost to herself, she will be admired and supported not judged at all.

[gillybeanz]

I would be surprised if word didn't get round the playground and a group of parents come forward to help.
I know my dc schools would have done, I'd have volunteered as was a sahm.
Some people will be happy to help, I hope they come forward for your cousin.
When we state "It takes a village to raise a child" it means being prepared to do your bit, even if just in an emergency.

[threeelephants]

OP, I'm a teacher. If this happened at our school, we'd be full of admiration for her getting them to school.
If we could offer any help via our family support worker we would. Thus would not be a judgement on her parenting, and would in no way mean we thought she was unfit to parent her children.
Things we've done for mother's in similar situations: waived after-school club fees/breakfast club fees so the mother could use it to give herself a break; a local TA has walked children to and from school when mum was housebound for a few days; provided snacks/free school dinners (outside of the usual criteria) when parents we're caring for other family members and struggling to cook each day. During a traumatic bereavement for one family, the head himself dropped the children home each day for a few days.
A school is a community, they will rally round, not judge her.

[GetOutOfMYGarden]

SS will have been called so they can ensure a place of safety for the children while mum is in hospital.

Not having friends or family around isn't a crime.

[quantiestillecanisinfenestra]

Bless her, of course they won't think she's a bad mum. Growing up in a single parent family I remember feeling the need to put a front on at all times, but as PPs have said, getting her kids to school when she's so unwell speaks volumes about how she's prioritizing their needs.

[Kokeshi123]

Poor cousin!

Of course SS would not think she was neglectful. She sounds like she is a good mother who is under pressure and has a tendency to overthink things and worry a lot...? I am a bit like that too, so I understand what it is like.

It sounds like she could do with some support in terms of building up her confidence.

[Qvar]

I was alone with my kids, and was for years.

I had to keep them off school once because I was unable to move as far as the front door.

Not going to lie, I was terrified they would send a social worker ... but they didn't. you have to be deliberately or long term neglecting your children for social workers to get involved, or even for the school to notice. Fainting at school because she tried to get them in isn't neglect. It's illness, and the two are not the same.

And a week of ready meals, takeaways and toast for dinner won't do them any harm. In fact, it might be wise to put them on hot school dinners until she feels better, so they can just have a sandwich and fruit for tea, which school aged kids can make themselves.

Poor, poor woman, I remember it so clearly, it was so hard but nobody is judging her.

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

Can she ask another parent to take them and drop them home for a few days? School may help with organising something.

[Cavender]

Not having family or friends to help isn’t a sign of a bad parent!

I’m sure she isn’t the only parent at the school in that position- some of the teachers might be too.


I hope she feels better soon.

[Olivia93]

She told me she feel sick getting pain when coughing and her temperature is high but not above 39 so shes still not feeling good , i told her if shes still feel like this in the morning , she should not take them to school to go back to the hospital or she can get a train to here so i can look after her for sometime till she get back on her feets. I really wish she was staying near here. Thank you all for the lovely comments

[lightoflaluna]

By 'they' i mean school, not SS.

[NC4Now]

Oh god, I had that flu at Christmas. Feinted getting ready for work, and went to bed for a week. Your cousin is an amazing mum getting her kids to school when she was that poorly.
School will think she puts her kids first. That’s a good thing.

[lightoflaluna]

Yep, she pulled herself round enough to get them to school because she prioritises her children above all else. This is good parenting and not concerning at all.

They may ask her if she needs some support but it wouldn't be a reflection on her parenting.

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

Lots of people have no support network, unfortunately there are no agencies who will show up when they're sick to take the pressure off.
How is she feeling now?

[Olivia93]

Because she have no family or help around ... she is alone with her 2 kids