Excuses for not volunteering at the Christmas Fair....

[temporaryname99]

I am honest at all times, and sometimes it would be better if I wasn't.
When I got an email to ask me directly - not just a general group email- if I will help at the Christmas Fair, these are all the honest answers I considered giving:
The Christmas Fair is like the 7th circle of hell; it's hot, crowded and noisy, everyone is lugging round bags and coats, it's like torture.
I was on the Tombola last year and I was traumatised by the absoulutely embarrassingly sad looking prizes, one woman who kept buying more and more tickets until she'd spent far more than any of the prizes were worth, and by being completely alone with no one to answer my questions or take over from me.
Previously I've tried to help with set up, but never been given proper instructions and just stood around feeling useless or I've been given some impossible craft task that I'm terrible at, like making paper snowflakes.
I know if I volunteered to help it would hang over me and I would feel anxious about it from now until it was over.
I'm perfectly capable in other spheres; have no problem training a group of people, giving speeches, travelling in strange places, but the school fair is my nightmare.

I know other people would just make an excuse, and say oh I can't make it , but I can't lie, so I said I was traumatised by last year and I would support by donating items and spending money at the fair.
But I feel guilty. And know I come over as pathetic. I really saw myself as the kind of mum who would be very involved in these things, but when it came down to it, I realised it's really not where my strengths lie.

Long post! Sorry! I just had to offload all that on to mumsnet!!
Anyone else find school fairs excruciating? What are your Excuses?

[KERALA1]

Our pta is professionally run by parents who manage it as if they at work so it's amazing. All super fair we also have stall per class and class reps find 4 volunteers per class so 30 mins each. Stalls rotated each year.

It's still hell but the kids love it and it makes £4-5k and our school facing budget cuts.

No sane adult enjoys it though and the tombola is definitely the worst stall to be on. It's once a year and believe me the primary years pass fast...if you could do it I would grit your teeth

[FrancesHaHa]

If you don't want to do it, just don't do it. I've volunteered 2 years in a row at the summer fete. 1st year I turned up at the agreed time to prep only to be advised that the people I was meeting were going out for coffee and to come back in 2 hours. Which I duly did but frankly if not that happy about taking time off to be told that. 2nd year I went to the planning meeting- one half of the room had a discussion which I couldn't remotely follow as nothing explained. Other half women talking in their native language which I don't speak. Not a single person said hello or met my eye.
Happy to give cash but won't be trying again.

[magpiemischief]

You don't need an excuse. Just say you are "not available".

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

I do think this needs to be brought up when parents are talking about looking around schools for their pre-school DCs. If a school is well resourced, the chances are that's down to fund-raising. If you aren't the sort of person who wants to get involved, or will be annoyed by regular requests for money /events at the school, then this might not be the right school for you.

Realistically, the government doesn't seem all that keen on properly funding education. If you are lucky enough to have DCs at a faith school linked to a church who's congregation have deep pockets, you might not need to raise as much from just the parents of the school to fund the gap, but our school raises around £70-80k a year. That makes a significant difference, but my god we get bothered frequently for money and time!

[Ragwort]

Any excuse you make will look flakey and insincere; the best answer is 'sorry, we are away that weekend but happy to donate £5/10/20 whatever your budget is.

However if your children actually want to go to the Fair then it will be harder and you might as well be honest and just say 'it's really not my thing, thanks to all of you for your hard work' ..............and then just go along and spend money.

I was (no longer have a child at primary school) 'that' parent who loved helping and organising the fairs, I made a huge circle of friends & helped to raise £100s through my DS's three different primary school PTAs - happy memories. Even went back to help for a few years after DS left his last school .

[Trialsmum]

I think some people need to remember what these events are for: schools are facing massive budget cuts and we’ve had to use fundraised money to buy bloody glue sticks fgs!

We had 2 volunteers to help at our recent Christmas fair so naturally it all fell to us teachers and TAs. We had very few donations too and every year teachers have to ‘top up’ their class’ donations with extra things using their own money. It’s a real shame as the money raised goes directly to the children ( and not the teachers’ tea and biscuit fund as one parent tried to start a rumour about!!)

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

I think it’s really sad that so many people want to get out of helping at school events. It’s for Your child. It directly helps Your child.

[RaindropsAndSparkles]

Interesting though trialsmum the Dc's church primary was great and everyone worked as a team. DD then went to a supposedly lovely cofe secondary. Promised everything: high academic standards and high standards of behaviour. But when push came to shove there were two codes of behaviour one for the open place girls who lived v close and on the estates and one for the foundation place girls. Guess which ones had draconian rules imposed? Guess which parents were tapped up for £300 A year donations to school funds, sponsoring piano keys, donating to silent auctions. Yep the parents of hard working, well behaved girls who suffered constant disruption and whole class detentions.

Guess what? DD left. The school lost thousands and her exceptional exam results. Because they failed to treat the girls as equals and taught the less advantaged girls that misbehaving was fine because the standards were lowered just for them. How does that help them in the future?

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

It’s for Your child. It directly helps Your child.

^^ exactly this and the reason why I think liking the committee or not is irrelevant.

But there are other things that you can do to help/ organise elsewhere. Find a job that you actually don't mind is my advice.

[KERALA1]

Helping at the Christmas school fair is one of the prices you pay for the upside of having kids. Like visiting in laws the price you pay for having a dh. That's how life works you can't just swipe the good bits.

[RaindropsAndSparkles]

But it doesn't directly help one's child it often helps the children of others who can't be arsed. My DC had love, encouragement and out of school activities in spades. Children spend most of their time at home and there came a point where my time and money was reserved for my dc and the less himigenous the school the more i felt that way. Yes some dc had little but time is free and if their own oardnts coukdn't be arsed neither could I.

Funny how 2 miles up the road how many barristers and surgeons could find half an hour at the London day school to raise thousand and thousands more for added extras. And that is why the independent sector is better - more of the parents cared about the education of their DC and their environment. Nothing to do with money. Didn't stop me hating the Christmas fair but it helped me resent it less!

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

Yes it does directly help your child. Even if you don't turn up or spend anything the money raised is used to fund stuff in school for all the children including your own.

[KERALA1]

At the risk of sounding pious I also think it's good for your child to see you pitching in at community events.

[Fekko]

Yes but it tends to be the same (usually) mums who end up doing all the work and donating their time as well as prizes, stall goods and materials.

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

So just do what you are comfortable with and don't get put upon. I personally feel guilty if it's just the same people all the time and feel rude if I never do anything. But I certainly don't live and breathe it and don't do lots of stuff I don't want to. I also share it with DH, he does stuff too. As a family I am comfortable that we pull our weight.

[TeenTimesTwo]

I think helping the school community does help your child.

I used to go in and listen to reading in DD's class.
That didn't help her directly as I didn't listen to her at school.

But

• it freed up teacher / TA time
• it hopefully helped improve the general reading ability in the class which over time would mean less need for the teacher to have to read things out / explain meanings etc, so they could continue teaching

Helping at the Christmas fair

• sets an example of helping to your child
• sets an example of helping to other children & parents
• raises funds to buy extras or subsidise activities for the children

By the way, I've always considered the tombola an 'easy' option provided it has been laid out sensibly. Much less stressful than refreshments or games, or bric-a-brac.

I do think many parents don't feel confident in helping. Maybe their social skills aren't great, or their maths / money skills. This is where the 'right' chair or a specific committee member can make such a big difference. For the people with the time but not the confidence they can find the right way to get them involved.

[RaindropsAndSparkles]

I used to read too. I brought along children whose parents weren't reading to them. The head asked me if I'd do morecsessions for those children. I had noticed that when I wrote explicitly in the reading record "please read to your child twice this weekend" the parents did. If I just wrote praise they didn't. I said I'd give two afternoons providing the school wrote to those parents (all South Asian and Muslim) setting out that they had to give a regular commitment. The head refused because evidently it was a sensitive cultural issue. They didn't have a problem when I wrote it. I declined because if parents couldn't be asked to support their own DC why should I. The head told me I was expressing non inclusive views.

They did it when I wrote they should. I have never understood the issue but actually if the parents couldn't be asked how could I be asked. I'd have done it but not on those terms.

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

I do think many parents don't feel confident in helping. Maybe their social skills aren't great, or their maths / money skills. This is where the 'right' chair or a specific committee member can make such a big difference. For the people with the time but not the confidence they can find the right way to get them involved.

Well perhaps but some committee members lack social skills also. But in an environment where no one else put their hand up they are just doing their best. So all the criticism they get seems quite unfair to me.

[magpiemischief]

Criticism happens from both sides. Those who join in and organise are criticised. Those who don't are. They both criticise each other. Perhaps people should just stop the criticism, recognise and seek to remove barriers that exist, instead, which impact on people's effective capabilities?

[TeenTimesTwo]

Increasingly I agree re some committee members lacking social skills too. I was involved in our primary PTA for years. At some points I acted as chair, but I made a much better secretary. I didn't have the people skills needed to schmooze people to get them involved.

[leghoul]

Single parent, work full time, unpleasant work hours, constantly exhausted. School has put up a volunteering/ donating poster for the fair. Every year it's misery. I can't even be there this year without serious trouble and disaster work wise. The years I have gone has been some kind of tombola torture where my DC is desperate for lego and instead we get a melted Freddo and a broken glass lantern and spend a fortune on this, leaving with tears down their faces about the sodding tombola.
I just cannot physically be there, let alone help with it, and it's totally geared up for those who do not work because it is straight after an ordinary school day.
I would not give an excuse. I just don't volunteer. If people want to fight over volunteering for helping at these PTA events then good for them and leave them to it.
(I do lots of charity work elsewhere, and work on a national helpline,so it's not like I do nothing of value)
Yours, the Grinch