Jewish School - Yes or No

[FloraIris]

Hello,

Wondering if any Jewish parents could provide me with some advice.

There is a Jewish school not far from us and I was thinking of sending my boys there. We are not Jewish but the school is good.

The question is, are my children likely to feel excluded because they’re not Jewish? Will other children attend their birthday parties even though we don’t have a kosher home?

I’m just wondering if it is a good idea or not and any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

[FloraIris]

That’s true. The Jewish school on my doorstep is very good. The other schools in the area are ‘satisfactory’ and ‘require improvement’. This is the reason why I am contemplating putting them in the school in question. We can’t afford an independent school either. Perhaps a visit and chat will put my mind at rest either way.

[Skatingmama]

If this end of term they have a school event coming up as a celebration maybe you could ask to go along? If they aren't friendly you will have your answer and vicecversa.

[FloraIris]

I guess I’ll just go with my gut instinct.

[valuerangeweetabixandmilk]

No from me. Why would you consider it? You are setting your kids up to be outsiders who will never fit in. They won't be deliberately excluded but it is a very unusual way to choose to educate your children.
Would you send them to a school where Chinese was the main language because it was a good school? Likely not as they couldnt communicate-they could learn but would never be fluent as they aren't Chinese. This, culturally, is what you are doing. Judaism from my limited experience as a non-Jew (I have worked in a Jewish organisation as a musician) is a complex religion but from what I understand (and please someone correct me if I am wrong- I would hate to offend) Jews are born and die Jewish. It is a race not just a religion. You are a Jew (by birth) or you are not. Your sons are not and never will be Jews. Despite this, they will learn and partake in many wonderful experiences and celebrations and have a fantastic insight into a beautiful culture. It will not be possible to separate however, the culture from their education so they are learning as a Jewish child learns in order to graduate into a Jewish community. Yours will do the same but the culture they will progress into will not be Jewish and so the ways they have learned to think, socialise and behave will exclude them as adults from relationships and opportunities they could have had had they attended a different school.
I think religious schools are a lovely and necessary opportunity for the right child. I think what is more pertinent here however is that a Jewish school offers a safe and culturally supportive place for Jewish children, whose ancestors and elders have experienced horrific abuse from a non-Jewish community within which they were a persecuted minority. It us like someone said upthread, still difficult to be a Jew and anti-sematism still exists in the UK today. So whilst your children may benefit from such a school, they do not need from the school what it offers Jewish children: a space where they can learn and know their religion and their culture, and express themselves and live and learn within their only supportive community. I think from that, that you will find many aspects of the educational journey difficult and I would look elsewhere for your children.
My comments are of course an outsider's view and I think you have had some good asvice from Jewish parents so good luck in whatever you decide.

[FloraIris]

Thanks!

[ZipityFlippity]

Wouldn’t your own children miss out on celebrations from their own culture like Christmas shows and trees, making decorations, carol singing, Easter egg hunts etc? Those are things that I loved at primary school and my do too.
It may be a good school educationally and you will be made welcome but your children will miss out on those experiences.

[FanDabbyFloozy]

@LondonMum8 - what does that comment mean? It sounds like a racial slur frankly but I hope I am reading too much into it.

[gillybeanz]

I wouldn't do it because the faith is different and the holidays too.
I'd be scared they'd be alienated as would be different to the other children.
Culture and belief are everything.

[JakeBallardswife]

I'm not Jewish but if its a good welcoming school on your doorstep then I'd send my DC's. Secondary may be a bit different, but primary there's something really great about being at your local school.

[LondonMum8]

It's a taxpayer funded school, good academically, right on your doorstep - if this was a CofE/Catholic school you would be able to send your DC in without a moment's thought...

[samG76]

It doesn't sound as if it's particlularly full-on religious, either. And some people would consider the lack of a nativity play an advantage!

As for the kids, they will probably just assume your boys are Jewish. That's the assumption my kids make for everyone they meet, which is quite amusing in north Wales or rural France, for example.

[SimultaneousEquation]

I would definitely consider sending my dc to a Jewish school (we are c of e) if it was good and on the doorstep. Contact the school and see what they say.

[FloraIris]

@Samg76 re nativity play!

I would’ve thought the school would teach about all cultures and religions and would do a few Christmassy things around Christmas, just as they would for Diwali, Eid and something like Bonfire night. Perhaps I am being naive.

[samG76]

Floralris - Diwali and Chinese New Year, perhaps - Xmas definitely not, even in the more liberal schools. Would be considered assimilationist.

[OlennasWimple]

Go and ask them!

Personally I don't agree with faith schools, so it would be a no on ideological grounds for me. But if you aren't opposed to them, it would be silly to discount a good school in favour of less good and less convenient schools without at least visiting and asking these questions

[spurtions]

There will be absolutely no acknowledgement of Christmas at all, even in the most liberal schools that's a certainty. They'll do things around Chinese New Year, Diwali, they'll have African week, bonfire night etc but unlikely to touch on mothers or Father's Day, Halloween. The nativity will be replaced by the Chanukah show. Instead of any Easter prep they will celebrate Purim followed straight away by the Passover story and parents invited in to share the Passover service. The schools also do a lot about Israel in a cultural sense. You'll need to be comfortable with all that

[GhostsToMonsoon]

Sorry I have no experience of Jewish schools, but I remember reading about a Jewish school in Birmingham where half the pupils are Muslim. Obviously it may be different in other areas.

[FloraIris]

These are all good points to consider. Surely we don’t all live in ‘faith/culture bubbles’ and I think any school regardless of which faith should be welcoming to all religions and race. I would hope that the school would welcome my boys and not treat them any differently. Any individual should be able to go to any school regardless of it being a faith school and feel accepted.

I think the boys could gain wonderful insight into Judaism and make some nice friends.

If other parents choose to keep their distance from us because we are ‘different’ then that is out of my control, although I’m sure they’d be friendly and polite.

[SuperBeagle]

There was a Jewish school in the area we used to live and I doubt they would've taken non-Jewish children.

I think it's weird to send your child to a religious school when you're not adherents of that religion, but people send their kids to Christian schools all the time without adhering to the religion, so it's whatever I guess.

[notjustbaconbutties]

If it's one of the new Jewish free schools (e.g. Alma Primary, Barnet; Eden Primary, Haringey; Etz Chaim Jewish Primary School, Barnet; Mosaic Jewish Primary School, Wandsworth; Rimon Jewish Primary School, Barnet) then they should in theory be more likely to have non-Jewish children, given that they can only select up to 50% of their intake by faith.

Of course that doesn't mean they can't have more than 50% Jewish students. If no non-Jews bother to apply for the community places they could still be up to 100% Jewish.

[greennailvarnish]

Having taught in a Jewish school as a non Jew, though you will be welcomed, by and large, you and your children will be kept at arms length distance. On the face of it, yes, they will get invites to parties and maybe playdates - I am sure they will make friends but they and you won't ever feel that they are on the 'inside'. I advise you not to do it.

[OldWitch00]

my experience is the same as green nail.

[MonkeyJumping]

Are there any safety issues? I know in London the Jewish schools have very tight security because of terrorist threats against them - there's a Jewish nursery near us which has permanent armed security guards outside, searches all bags and packages etc. Something to ask the school about - obviously you don't want any extra risks.