Hey, sorry probably just using this thread to offload...
My son goes to a 1 class per year group school. He's been there since reception and is now in year 3. He's a lovely, kind and creative kid, very polite, not sporty, he's very well behaved and studious. He enjoys playing with some children at school and their parents are incredibly cliquey and as a result my son is being excluded from so much socially, it's really effecting his confidence.
For context- it's a very small state school in the posh part of a very middle class area. The catchment area is 750m from the school and the majority of those houses are very large fancy houses. The other parents are at least 7-10 years older than me, nuclear family etc. I couldn't be more different- I was a very young mum, on benefits for a bit, not with my son's dad, was not living with my partner when he started the school so I suppose a single mum, living in a HA house just in the catchment area and I have a disability... (so outing!)
It feels like no matter how much effort we put in, my son is always the forgotten about child. He's friends with everyone, but they're always better friends with someone else if that makes sense? I was constantly having various children back to mine in an effort for him to develop better friendships with his class. One half term we had 12 different children over- he was invited back, just once in return. When we has birthday parties we were either having every single boy from his class invited or the whole class. As he has a large age gap with his younger siblings, when we would do occasional trips out he would invite a class mate so he would have someone to hang out with. There's never anything in return. It got to the point with play dates where I decided that unless it was reciprocated then the child wouldn't be invited back again. In most cases there's a SAHM and no very young siblings, such difficult circumstances making it difficult to return- they happily have other children over, just not mine.
We are constantly hearing about birthday parties that he isn't invited to, watching other children go off together after school, and it's never ever my boy that's included.
A few years ago he joined an after school activity and was doing amazingly, the 3 other boys from his class joined. I was pregnant and with a young toddler at the time so often struggled whilst we were there. The mums of the 3 other boys started taking it in turns to pick each others boys up from school, have them at theirs for a play date then take them all to the class. We would often have to walk down the road home with them all and head off alone with my son upset and not wanting to go to the activity, then he would see them there later and be upset so we eventually stopped. It just didn't seem to occur to them that this might be quite upsetting for him. Similar thing happened when we was at another activity- there was 6 children from his class in total in the group and one afternoon we saw one parent pick the 5 other children up for a play date at theirs before heading to the activity. I don't get how people can be so thoughtless?
Anyway, it's my son's birthday coming up and I told him that this year we are only doing something small- a cinema trip and take away at ours. It was 1 of the boys on his list's birthday the weekend just gone, apparently they are good friends at school, the parent is part of the clique... I saw photos online of him having a party at his house with the other clique children- all children my son says are his friends at school
He seems happy enough at school (not being outrightly bullied) but is now at an age where he seems to really notice when he's not invited to anything. I've spoken to the school as was concerned that maybe he was actually being left out at school as well but the feedback I received was that he's always playing with someone and seems popular. I know the school can't do anything about cliquy parents.
I feel like it's my fault he's being left out. I couldn't be any more different to the children's parents if I tried. I don't want to be part of the clique but I feel it's so unfair that my son is constantly excluded from everything because i'm not part of it.
I think the 1 class per year makes it so much more obvious as well. I've put his name down for a few different schools which are much bigger though i'm not sure if this is the right thing to do.
I actually find the school playground worse as an adult than I did as a child!
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Y3 Son always left out
kellogssquareofkrispierice · 11/07/2017 14:06
My DD is similar. She seems happy enough, and has a couple of v good friends, but generally doesn't get invited to stuff. She is shy and, in her case, this can come across as standoffish. She is also clumsy and a little awkward, not so confident in her skin as the othet childen. She also isn't very streetwise. I am an older mum, which is relatively unusual in our catchment. I also work so cannot invite kids back after school or go off to coffee mornings or baby groups like other parents seem to. It has improved a little this year (year 3) and she had more children come to her party (usually she only wants a couple of kids which is probably half the issue). But it is also be careful what you wish for - she has a new, more popular and streetwise friend this year, and I kind of wish she didn't. This girl came to her party and was rude and badly behaved. So I can't offer any advice. I sympathise because it breaks your heart. 
I feel your sadness but tbh wouldn't necessarily blame your 'socio economic status'. The main thing is your son is happy.
I feel similar. Every year DD invites either all the girls or whole class to her party. If we are lucky we get 3 invites back?! I don't understand how this works. One child never responds to the invites and never turns up. One year the other child invited us to their party then the next week cancelled it. Another year they invited all the girls except DD..
DD's 'best' friend chose to take someone else on her birthday treat and even more embarrassing we bumped into them. I was 
but for you know DD didn't care.
Have also arranged play date only for it to be cancelled at the last minute because they forgot and arranged something with someone else... it goes on..
I find it all very weird and upsetting but DD doesn't seem to be phased. She is happy.
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