Cliquey mums in school yard

[kazzs]

So we just started primary school and have moved in from an outside nursery. I dont know any of the children nor does my daughter. The vast majority of children have moved up from the school nursery so a large number of mums already know eachother.
Its been a week and I've managed to chat to 3/4 mums but i find the whole
Playground scenario very cliquey (not really anyones fault!) and am struggling to break it down! Any advise!?!

[dontrustcharisma]

Would it help to think of them as a group of friends not a clique.
You wouldnt go to a restaurant and get upset that people at other tables arent trying to make friends with you so why would it be different in a school playground. Once your child makes a few freinds you will start to meet people. and join the pta or volunteer. then suddenly you will have some one you know to talk to. and next year the newbies will be accusing you of being in a clique.

[ROSY2016]

I hate school run. No freedom.people standing in a circle and chatting and laughing so loudly.sometimes using bad words, forgetting it's a school,smoking at the entrance , no discipline at all.

[kazzs]

Seems a few of you are taking the work 'cliquey' out of the context i meant it in. I explained why i used that word further up this feed. I dont for one second think any of these mums are bitchy or purposely trying to exclude ppl they are just chattig with ppl they know which i fully accept and undertand. But there are new mums who are feeling uncomfortable. There are ppl who often ask on fb group if anyone fancys going to the park etc alot didnt seem that weird to me to ask something like that. People are completly welcome to turn the invite down,or ignore it, but some mums particularly the new ones may be open to it so they have someone to talk to at school. And the kids can settle in quicker. Im not talking every week or anythig but what harm is an invite. I hardly think i sound desperate. I think some mums would appreciate it. I made alot of good friends at my sons nursery. And in my opinion it helped when our children fell out or called eachother or something as we were able to sort it together. If ppl dont want to get to know ppl at school thats fair enough but i do only see it as a benefit. To add i have alot of friends. I dont need the extra friends.. But why not make friends with ppl!? Surely theres no harm in it

[justabigdisco]

But your use of the word 'cliquey' suggests that you feel these parents are deliberately excluding you. That's what it means.

[Shenanagins]

I would wait a couple of weeks and let the dust settle a wee bit before putting out feelers.

I've realised that I may appear to be in a nursery parents clique (and possibly blanked someone this week). The reason is that I've spoken to these people for years and as I'm always tired/stressed at getting as far as the gates it's easier to make banal conversation with people I know. The person I may have blanked was due to me starting to go through my work to do list and not really looking about.

I'm not trying to be rude/stand offish and normally happy to speak with new people so I guess I'm my clumsy way I'm trying to say not to sweat too much about it right now.

[kazzs]

Like i say im not suggesting its anyones fault or intention (like i said in my initial post) just that its a hard situation as an isolated mum going in to a school where everyone has know eachother for a whole year! Maybe the school itself has made it worse in that they use fb. So ppl have had more opportunity to get to know eachother than if the school didnt use fb and u only had the 5 min drop off time to talk small talk.

[smellyboot]

OP I totally get that you think it's nice to know your DC clas mates parents etc. You are correct. It's ace. In a few months you will have been to endless kids parties and school events so you will get to know other parents. I love the analogy of going up to a group who know each other in a restaurant lol.
Lots who are not first timers have a million things on their mind and just talk to who ever is in front of them they know. By half term I'll know the non nursery parents in our class, but it will take a few weeks. Lots of ours are dropped off by different people every day inc grandparents, aunts, childminders etc It's hard to know who belongs to who. Pick up for us is only 10 mins as we are normally dashing off too

[elgol]

Some people recoil in horror at any social contact at the school gate, beyond a polite hello. Others find lifelong friends at the school gate. Then everyone else somewhere in between.

We live rurally and pretty much everyone the same age as dh and I in a 5 mile radius has some contact with the school. We moved in 3 years ago and knew nobody. So yes, we have slowly been 'making friends ' at the school gate. Friends for us, friends for the kids. I guess things work differently in a town.

It's the start of term. Let things settle, bd polite, friendly and interested. See what happens.

[eddiemairswife]

We moved several times during our children's primary years and I never expected to make instant friends. It takes time. It helps if you walk to and from school, but few people seem to do that these days.

[Irisagogo]

Honestly it's really difficult, if you are in a clique ( have a couple of friends) then you might only get to socialise for 5-10 mins before everyone rushes off.
You probably want to catch up with your friends.

I'm friendly to most mums but I do like to chat to my friends.

[Irisagogo]

Oh fwiw I'd be a bit freaked out if you tagged me on Facebook and started to invite me to drinks at your house.

Slow down and let things naturally grow.

[kazzs]

Im not suggesting tagging people indont know and inviting them out. The school itself has a fb group.. Most mums in the whole school are on it. People often post on there things like 'fao AM nursery mums - thinking of having a social event next saturday. Picnic in park, for anyone who wants to join. All welcome' its an open invite... You dont have to go... There no pressure.. But for those mums who want to get to know ppl i feel it helps