After school club throwing out son for two toilet accidents?!

[Echobelly]

My son is a young 4 (August) who started school in September. He is toilet trained in the day, but still wears pull ups at night. He was totally dry daytime all through his first half term but has had an issue renumbering to go to the loo in the last two weeks. As far as I can tell, it's just that he's very stimulated and excited at the moment and is just getting distracted. He loves school and hasn't demonstrated any anxieties or unhappiness about it.

School have been great about it, but he had two accidents at after school club (not run by the school) and after getting rather passive-aggressive calls/emails about it, manager emails today to say he shouldc leave after next week. That's plenty of time for a set of ft-working parents to arrange alternative wraparound care, and for two kids as I'm not having my daughter have separate arrangements.

Anyway, husband's going to look at Ts &Cs and the emails and consider a way forward because DS could be absolutely fine after this week and maybe they'll reconsider (he's already had far fewer incidents this week). I've explained to him that the problem is even if DS does sort himself out, I'm the one who will have to scrabble about looking for alternatives if he has another incident and she pulls the plug. So is it mostly a matter of looking for paperwork that says we have to have more notice? And should we look at Ofsted guidance - they had no wipes, gloves for staff or spare clothes (I have now provided spares and wipes myself) and if they have Reception kids I'd imagine they ought to be expected to have clean-up gear just in case, surely?

[Echobelly]

It was actually 3 incidences I did forget one. And I'm kind of resigning myself to it now - he's had difficulty again today (did a small amount of poo in pants 3 times today, which we noticed, not him) so maybe it's not the right thing for him to go to a cheap and cheerful solution. I still think the manager could have approached it all in a more 'how can we help' way, rather than 'this is a problem, he can't stay' way. And I an annoyed that she's saying we didn't inform them that he ' wasn't toilet trained' - that's because he was! It would have been better to approach it in terms of 'we're sorry we can't help with his problem at the moment', otherwise it sounds like she thinks we lied to her.

[user789653241]

My ds had accidents because at the lunch time, he was told not to get off the chair until finished by lunch time stuff. She obviously meant not to walk around and play etc., but he didn't get it. So he ended up weeing all over the chair. I didn't even notice he had a accident until I opened his book bag and found wet uniform in a bag. It wasn't even a big issue. And he was completely toilet trained. These things happen! And they should know.

[Echobelly]

Looking up info on continence, there is a chance it's actually constipation - the Dr raised it and gave me a prescription for something in case it became apparent. I had discounted it, but apparently compacted poo inside can cause looser poo to 'leak' around it, which might explain the trouble he's had controlling it, so it's worth a try.

I might be able to ask the club to let us try that this week and we can continue if it sorts it out.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

It sounds a good idea to investigate that with the doctor. 2/3 accident every day is a lot, especially when child was fully clean and dry before. Perhaps go in and speak to ASC and explain accidents are a new thing and you are exploring with doctor and see if you can get them to help DS.

[Echobelly]

Asc just seem reluctant to believe me! I've told them several times this is utterly out of the blue but they keep saying 'he's not toilet trained'. I'm thinking of referring them to DS's nursery who can confirm it wasn't an issue.

[FloweryPowery]

Constipation might well be behind this, especially if he is not keen on the school loos. It can cause diarrhoea and irritated bladder but it's a LOT of accidents in a previously toilet trained child. I think talk to to school nurse (get their phone number from the school office) and consider going back to the GP to retest.

I wonder if a day at home and a close eye on him might help. Ask about any dislike of the school toilets or doing a poo at school. He is still ever so little and major regressions are not uncommon in 3 year olds. He's got a bit more on his plate than the average 3 year old at the moment.

ASC should not be excluding a child due to continence issues. Children who go on to be diagnosed with medical conditions are generally not yet diagnosed at a young 4. I'm not saying he will be, but young children need to be given the benefit of the doubt, whatever the childcare provider's personal opinions about how he may or may not be parented. TBH though, if I couldn't trust them to cope with the accidents in a nonjudgemental and kind manner, I really wouldn't want him there.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

I think it's a good idea to ask them to contact nursery to confirm he was toilet trained if they don't believe you. As others have they should not exclude for continence issues anyway.