Any experiences of an unhappy primary experience turning into a fab secondary one?

[hugsarealwaysneededhere1]

My sons having a tough time socially in a tough class. I'm concerned it will not stand him in good stead for secondary. Anyone had a real turn around moving on to secondary school?

[unlucky83]

I think it actually depends on whether they are being bullied or not...I think if they are target there is a danger of that being carried onto secondary -if it is just not really having any friends, found people on the same wavelength I don't think it matters.
(I know someone else whose DC got bullied towards the end of primary (after a big fall out with another child) - they went onto a big high school (max 4 from the primary in a class) and still the bullying got worse. In the end the parents moved them to another big school with no-one from primary (a real pain for them to get them there though) and they were never bullied again...)

[momtothree]

DD1 waa bullied, should have moved her with hinesight ... doing great in high school, away from all previous class mates
DD2 i have moved not due to bullies, but she much happier.
Gut instinct - go with it. Kids are kids for such a short time. You just want them to be happy.

[Elibean]

My friend's ds was pretty unhappy at primary (though my dd thrived in same class) and definitely had a tough time with the other boys.

He's much, much happier at secondary - though he has not gone to the same school as his former classmates, and is now somewhere where he's more likely to find pals. Not least because secondary is much bigger, so there is more choice of groups to hang out with.

It was painful for my friend, watching him be unhappy on and off, and I"m sorry your lad is going through a similar time...hope things improve for him soon x

[comfortseeker]

My yr8 dd only had a couple of primary school kids went to the same school in yr7 to start with but she has loads of firends now. She finds going to clubs in and after school really helps.

[hugsarealwaysneededhere1]

This is fascinating to read and really giving me food for thought.
Kids are only kids for such a short time......that's got me thinking

[Narp]

Yes. My DS1 was never truly happy and secure socially at Primary. At one point he was bullied - school dealt with it well. Problem was that he was in a class with only 10 boys, and that gives limited options for friendship groups.

He is now in year 10 and has been happier from the beginning at Secondary - not being with the same classmates for all subjects, and range of subjects has helped. It's a large, inclusive, somewhat rowdy school and he's found people with whom he feels he can be himself.

I work in a Primary and I believe that in many cases it would be really helpful for classes to be re-jigged every year, and for much more mixing to happen in lesson times across the year groups (assuming the Primary is not one-form entry).

Rather than being havens of loveliness, I think my worst scenario would be a small Primary - being with the same children day in day out can be limiting and oppressive for some children, as they settle into their give 'roles' from early on

[Narp]

Also, at Secondary, football is not the be-all-and-end-all it sometimes is for boys, and there are other places than the playground to hang out at break and lunchtimes - library, clubs etc

[Narp]

Queen

I totally agree

Being a geek is actually cool at Secondary. I love DS1 and his geeky friends

[Narp]

Me again!

Op, DS1 did a day course with Kidscape around dealing with bullying. It's a day thing and a parent goes with them and attend a talk, then the kids stay for a further workshop. My DH went with DS1 and said it was really good (although he said he was humbled by the horrible experiences some of the children had experienced.

Google Kidscape

[Narp]

Kidscape ZAP Course

[BlueBrightFuture]

DD1 hated every day at Primary school. Did not like the other kids, especially none of the other girls. Did not like any of the subjects either, was always miss average. At the time I was keen to move her but DH was keen for her to stay. DD2 went to the same primary and had a whale of a time there.

DD1 passed the 11+ and was one of these kids nobody expected to pass ( I somehow did, but her teachers and some of the "schoolgate mafia mums" were surprised to say the least) She is now in her GCSE year, top set, predicted A & A* except for Art. She has loved secondary from day 1, made friends quickly and settled in from day 1.

I have been there and I understand how difficult it is if your child is not happy at school. All I can say is that this will not last forever and things will fall in to place (although it may not seem like it now)

[comfortseeker]

BlueBright well done to your dd and you. My dd only goes to a comp (supposedly a good one). Her maths got alot better but not sure any thing else. I don't think comp push kids as much thats my worry.

[BlueBrightFuture]

I don't think it matters so much if it is a comp or a selective school. I think that a happy child will do better wherever they are. If you are worried that the school does not push your child enough it may be worth to have a chat with the head of learning for her year. I think the support they get at home is probably just as important, if not more important than what they do at school. My DD is in a school where children are supposed to be pushed but I keep taps on to what she is doing, unlike at primary schoool.

I will probably get shouted down for saying this but in my opinion primary is for playing and preparation for later life. I could not care less about SATS results and which table my little darlings were sitting at. The so called wonder children, who could do it all in reception where not flying helicopters by the time they reached year 6. In fact they were probably doing pretty much the same thing as mine. Despite DD1s miserable primary start she is doing just fine now. Had I known this at the time I probably would have worried a lot less.

Sometimes I wonder if I used to worry too much about them when they were little.

[Narp]

BlueBright

I agree

[Indantherene]

My DC1 was a nightmare child at primary. Tempers, tantrums and awkwardness all the time and not a nice person to be with. We didn't twig it was school because she had lots of friends.

Week 1 of secondary was a revelation. She was happy, co-operative, and an absolute dream. She loved secondary school and really thrived.

We learned our lesson from that and moved DC3 and DC4 at the first opportunity.