Any experiences of an unhappy primary experience turning into a fab secondary one?

[hugsarealwaysneededhere1]

My sons having a tough time socially in a tough class. I'm concerned it will not stand him in good stead for secondary. Anyone had a real turn around moving on to secondary school?

[Indantherene]

My DC1 was a nightmare child at primary. Tempers, tantrums and awkwardness all the time and not a nice person to be with. We didn't twig it was school because she had lots of friends.

Week 1 of secondary was a revelation. She was happy, co-operative, and an absolute dream. She loved secondary school and really thrived.

We learned our lesson from that and moved DC3 and DC4 at the first opportunity.

[Narp]

BlueBright

I agree

[BlueBrightFuture]

I don't think it matters so much if it is a comp or a selective school. I think that a happy child will do better wherever they are. If you are worried that the school does not push your child enough it may be worth to have a chat with the head of learning for her year. I think the support they get at home is probably just as important, if not more important than what they do at school. My DD is in a school where children are supposed to be pushed but I keep taps on to what she is doing, unlike at primary schoool.

I will probably get shouted down for saying this but in my opinion primary is for playing and preparation for later life. I could not care less about SATS results and which table my little darlings were sitting at. The so called wonder children, who could do it all in reception where not flying helicopters by the time they reached year 6. In fact they were probably doing pretty much the same thing as mine. Despite DD1s miserable primary start she is doing just fine now. Had I known this at the time I probably would have worried a lot less.

Sometimes I wonder if I used to worry too much about them when they were little.

[comfortseeker]

BlueBright well done to your dd and you. My dd only goes to a comp (supposedly a good one). Her maths got alot better but not sure any thing else. I don't think comp push kids as much thats my worry.

[BlueBrightFuture]

DD1 hated every day at Primary school. Did not like the other kids, especially none of the other girls. Did not like any of the subjects either, was always miss average. At the time I was keen to move her but DH was keen for her to stay. DD2 went to the same primary and had a whale of a time there.

DD1 passed the 11+ and was one of these kids nobody expected to pass ( I somehow did, but her teachers and some of the "schoolgate mafia mums" were surprised to say the least) She is now in her GCSE year, top set, predicted A & A* except for Art. She has loved secondary from day 1, made friends quickly and settled in from day 1.

I have been there and I understand how difficult it is if your child is not happy at school. All I can say is that this will not last forever and things will fall in to place (although it may not seem like it now)

[Narp]

Kidscape ZAP Course

[Narp]

Me again!

Op, DS1 did a day course with Kidscape around dealing with bullying. It's a day thing and a parent goes with them and attend a talk, then the kids stay for a further workshop. My DH went with DS1 and said it was really good (although he said he was humbled by the horrible experiences some of the children had experienced.

Google Kidscape

[Narp]

Queen

I totally agree

Being a geek is actually cool at Secondary. I love DS1 and his geeky friends

[Narp]

Also, at Secondary, football is not the be-all-and-end-all it sometimes is for boys, and there are other places than the playground to hang out at break and lunchtimes - library, clubs etc

[Narp]

Yes. My DS1 was never truly happy and secure socially at Primary. At one point he was bullied - school dealt with it well. Problem was that he was in a class with only 10 boys, and that gives limited options for friendship groups.

He is now in year 10 and has been happier from the beginning at Secondary - not being with the same classmates for all subjects, and range of subjects has helped. It's a large, inclusive, somewhat rowdy school and he's found people with whom he feels he can be himself.

I work in a Primary and I believe that in many cases it would be really helpful for classes to be re-jigged every year, and for much more mixing to happen in lesson times across the year groups (assuming the Primary is not one-form entry).

Rather than being havens of loveliness, I think my worst scenario would be a small Primary - being with the same children day in day out can be limiting and oppressive for some children, as they settle into their give 'roles' from early on

[hugsarealwaysneededhere1]

This is fascinating to read and really giving me food for thought.
Kids are only kids for such a short time......that's got me thinking

[comfortseeker]

My yr8 dd only had a couple of primary school kids went to the same school in yr7 to start with but she has loads of firends now. She finds going to clubs in and after school really helps.

[Elibean]

My friend's ds was pretty unhappy at primary (though my dd thrived in same class) and definitely had a tough time with the other boys.

He's much, much happier at secondary - though he has not gone to the same school as his former classmates, and is now somewhere where he's more likely to find pals. Not least because secondary is much bigger, so there is more choice of groups to hang out with.

It was painful for my friend, watching him be unhappy on and off, and I"m sorry your lad is going through a similar time...hope things improve for him soon x

[momtothree]

DD1 waa bullied, should have moved her with hinesight ... doing great in high school, away from all previous class mates
DD2 i have moved not due to bullies, but she much happier.
Gut instinct - go with it. Kids are kids for such a short time. You just want them to be happy.

[unlucky83]

I think it actually depends on whether they are being bullied or not...I think if they are target there is a danger of that being carried onto secondary -if it is just not really having any friends, found people on the same wavelength I don't think it matters.
(I know someone else whose DC got bullied towards the end of primary (after a big fall out with another child) - they went onto a big high school (max 4 from the primary in a class) and still the bullying got worse. In the end the parents moved them to another big school with no-one from primary (a real pain for them to get them there though) and they were never bullied again...)

[mummytime]

No - it doesn't matter. My DCs have gone to a big secondary (300 in a year). There is at the most about 5 people from one primary in a class.
It is nice to have a familiar face for the first few days, but after that they make new friends.

[hugsarealwaysneededhere1]

I think the bigger pool of kids seems to be the key to finding like minded kids. Do you think it matters if many of them know each other from primary though?

[hugsarealwaysneededhere1]

That's great *IlPorcupinoNilSodomyEst

[IlPorcupinoNilSodomyEst]

I posted about my DS in first school (we do 3 tiers here so they move at end of Y4), he was in the small village primary and was upset about not having a special friend, he's into Lego and Marvel, not football like the majority of boys in his class were - went to middle school which he liked and I was confident with the atmosphere and pastoral care, and he has flourished! Found some similarly geeky friends from the larger pool of kids, and loves it.

With more children in a bigger school, from a wider area, he has found his niche and has some great friends now. Teachers great and pastoral care excellent, they came to first school and did some emotional help for,the more nervous kids, and it really helps the transition. I had been worried about the move to a bigger school, but actually it's been the making of him. There are friends out there, just waiting to meet!

[MilkRunningOutAgain]

DS is much happier at secondary, he even admits to enjoying 3 subjects, which is 3 more than at primary. And he is as a result making an effort in these subjects, and really progressing, at primary he was bored and made little effort. But he remains entirely friendless, not that this worries him, no friends have visited, nor has he been round to a single friends house since he started secondary, he is in yr 8. This worries me, but I am trying to accept who he is. He has also started enjoying clubs more, he is sports mad, and has actually joined some school sports teams and represented the school, which I am delighted about. There is no bullying, never has been, he is huge and I doubt many DC in his year or the ones above would think of doing this.

Primary was a lovely friendly small school, but it didn't suit DS. Not a single teacher ever got him. Mind you, neither do I most the time.

[fatowl]

This was my dd
She was fine in R and Y1 but we moved in Y2 due to DHs job and had to move school for the start of Y2
She went into perfectly lovely class which had very well established friendship groups which she never broke into. No one was outright mean, but she never really made friends. She was invited to whole class parties but that was it, blade spite me inviting every single girl in the class home at some point it was rarely reciprocated .
She did better with the boys but again never broke into a tight group. She ended up fairly good friends with a boy with AS.

She did better at Brownies, a different mix of girls and leaders who "got" her.

In Y5 she had a teacher who just didn't "get" her and we had a horrible year. Not entirely the teachers fault- dd was horrible that year. Her only proper friend went to a specialist school at the start of Y6.

She did much much better at secondary, even though it was mostly the same kids.
I just think the dynamics changed and the style of secondary suited her better. She liked having different teachers for everything, I think it helped her sort things in her mind better!
She's in Y13 now and House Head girl. (And a Young Leader at her old Brownies - she never really left!)

[unlucky83]

I would say if he still has a few years at primary and you can think about moving him to a bigger school that might be good idea. (The person I know did think about it but the logistics made it more or less impossible). But there is always the risk the children there all have well established friendship groups and it will be worse.
I also echo not sending them to the high school where the majority of their primary school class mates are going -if you can. And to a big high school where there are lots of different characters so they can find their group.
I said DD had a rough time at primary but is ok now - she is not one of the 'popular' children but has lots of friends...
But she was bullied in first year - on the school bus by the children she had gone to primary school with and she still does get the odd comment off them -thankfully she doesn't care any more and just ignores them. (We have no other option apart from private for high school...)

[mummytime]

Yes!

DD 1 hated Primary, became increasingly miserable - at secondary had friends, and was much happier.
DD2 was in lots of trouble at primary, won a prize for behaviour in first year at secondary.
Even DS preferred moving around and not being with the same teacher all day. (And being expected to work fast, and not being kept at the same task all day was more interesting.)

A bigger school gives far more chance of finding friends. And if they have lots of clubs, it's even easier. (I like big schools.)

[hugsarealwaysneededhere1]

Wow! This is lifting my spirits! Large choice, well lots of options but all hard to get into. Will move I expect.