SS @ primary school - how should ss behave?

[atonofwashing]

During a class where they seemed to be talking about anger, my ds said that "when mummy gets angry she shouts. And uses bad words".

School called the SS and today I was called in. The original call was made last Monday, we were told last Wednesday and today, I got a call at 1pm to say that the SW was arriving at 2pm to talk with ds and if I wanted I could be there too. But I didn't have to. So, I rearranged my afternoon and hot footed it into school for 2pm. SW eventually turned up at 2.30pm.

They chatted to ds and then called me into the room. I offered a handshake and eye contact where upon I was shown a lip wristed wet offering and no eye contact.

I said that whilst a i appreciate the situation, we are now a week on and i have rearranged my afternoon, only to be made to wait. She told me she made the appt for 2.30pm. School actually disagreed with her and said we'd all been waiting . No apology, only told she was having her lunch.

We talked about the situation and the SW said that she takes shouting and bad language very seriously. She also threw in "please calm down", and then said she'd have to come and check our home. I was calm.

She also wanted to make an apt "now" to come and see the house. I explained that my dh should be present and I did not know when he was available. SW then said she needed to do this asap as her manager was expecting a report. I asked for her her email, as I wanted this request in writing, along with how long she was going to take, as well as what the nature, purpose and intent of her visit. And what authority she had to make this request. All in writing. She was not happy with that statement, but did give me her email.

I did remind the school that I was present at this meeting without my dh or an neutral party. Also, for the record, dh and I have a happy life with ds and any shouting or bad language used is done so on an infrequent basis.

So I guess my question to any knowledgeable folk out there , is , is this normal SW behaviour? I have never, ever been involved with ss before.
Do they push you a bit to check reactions etc?

thanks for reading.

[Missda]

Just seen last post .. Glad it has been sorted OP.

[Missda]

I can't believe that the school rang SS for shouting. Our SS would not become involved for this. Is this the whole story OP?

[atonofwashing]

Hi all, as the OP of this thread, just thought i'd finish off by saying we have everything sorted and all is well.

Turns out ds has got a bit muddled with shouting vs nagging! I think that may be a man thing - I guess he's already zoned out to females/ mums banging on and on....;-)

We did meet up with the SW and she was actually enormously helpful, and it gave us the chance to air our problems with the school.

As for the swearing, well, if we can remove all angry/ aggressive drivers on the roads.... (not me)

Merry Christmas everyone and thanks for your imput.

[tobysmum77]

amazing, better send them round to everyone. Gawd I've never shouted or sworn

[Soveryupset]

That must be terrible, what an awful thing to do to a family, sunnybaudelaire.

[Totempig]

I agree that this sounds shocking, that SS would get involved over a simple comment that a mum shouts.

But I also get the impression from your posts that you had a bit of an attitude towards the SW and perhaps came across as hostile and defensive? That would make them more suspicious I would have thought.

It is in your interests to bend over backwards to accommodate them (even if it shouldn't be) and starting off the meeting with a comment on how late she was wouldn't have helped.

If I were you, I would make as much effort as you can to be accommodating, calm and open, even if you are feeling very angry inside. That would be the quickest way for it to all blow over.

[SunnyBaudelaire]

"What happens if someone takes a dislike to a parent/family and does this as a form of revenge?"
I fully believe that happened to us.

[Soveryupset]

What happens if someone takes a dislike to a parent/family and does this as a form of revenge? Do SS not go in with an open mind? You'd think that they would be looking not to have their time wasted, given how many children are actually suffering out there and need them as opposed to ones that "someone said they got shouted at when angry"...

I have heard this happen but I don't know if it is just rumours/gossip. You'd think there would be a system to protect from this sort of thing happening.

[SunnyBaudelaire]

yes clam and all those concerns that had built a picture would be on the SW's list to discuss with the parent, surely?

[Chandon]

Agree with Muppet

[clam]

I'm thinking of the few children in my school whose families are on the SS radar, and in all cases there's a whole list of concerns raising red flags all over the shop. Anything more minor that comes up would be passed on to the school's Child Protection Officer (in our case, the HT), who makes a note for future reference, in case a general trend/picture emerges.

[TheMuppetsSingChristmas]

The problem is you could have been reported to the school by other parents previously and have no idea about it at all - they are not necessarily obliged to tell you about it, but they do have to record any and all information they are given as regards any potential safeguarding issues.

I have severe reservations about the system at present and I do feel it is open to abuse and misinterpretation by malicious parties, and it is seemingly the one part of our jusicial system where one is presumed guilty rather than innocent and where the process is conducted on that basis.

[youarekiddingme]

Schools do make home visits - a lot of schools now have SHIP workers etc.

[youarekiddingme]

I am also horrified that the call was made for this. There isn't enough SW as there is but certainly not enough to investigate every parent that shouts and/or swears!

I cannot get SS to support me with a son with SN. Maybe I should coach DS to say I shout and swear and he will because he doesn't lie!

[Soveryupset]

I would also support arranging a meeting with the head, to understand what spurred them to call social services. It can't just be on the basis of "my mum shouts" and if there were other things you want to understand what they are.

[SunnyBaudelaire]

why on earth would the school make a home visit? I have never heard of such a thing.

[Galena]

The school wouldn't make a home visit, it's not in their remit.

[atonofwashing]

Ohmygrood - I don't think that would be of any concern - ds saw that dr a few weeks back. They are welcome to talk with her.

I had a chat with a friend who teaches in a school where referals are often made to ss. She fears that we've just got caught in the crosswire thanks to an over zealous head and at a time of great sensitivity regarding these issues.

School currently have a temp deputy and a temp head. Not the best situation.

She was surprised the school didn't make a home visit first, given what this is all abt. I know she's a friend, but she will tell it as it is.

thanks for all your notes.

[Ohmygrood]

You say that your ds sees a hospital doctor twice a year - could the HT have misinterpreted something with regards to that situation?

[Selks]

I am sure that, if what you say is right (and I'm not meaning to doubt that, sorry couldn't think of a better phrase) then social services will not stick around. They have far more pressing matters to deal with.
If I were you though I would press the school to tell you what they exactly said in their referral to children's services. They've got to have said more than they told you. That's the only reason I can think why social services came out.

[atonofwashing]

Thank you all for your comments.
That is the story.
I am not aggressive/reactive/ known to the school for any other issue.
I wouldn't be photographing any ss in my house (thought had not crossed my mind) but a paper trail is not, in my mind, an unreasonable request.

Any ss is welcome into our home/contact GP and I think they will see that there is nothing to be concerned about. I was just a bit shocked at how the school dealt with it.

So thank you all for your notes. Again, much appreciated.
Atonofwashing

[Pelicangiraffe]

The SW could presently report that she told you to calm down and then read more into this.

[ShellyF]

I know , from experience as a Headteacher, that SS would not react so quickly to a concern about shouting\swearing.Something else must have been reported as a concern to get them involved. Unless you live in an area where Social workers are just hanging around waiting for something to do. Every SW has an enormous caseload in the areas I have worked in.