party invitations given out in class

[Magicmum2014]

Hi, I am a serial lurker who is going to take a more active part in discussions from now on.
I was in DS2's reception class today and two girls were asked to give out their party invitations (right after show and tell so while everyone was sitting down). Those who got invitations were asked to put them in their bag, those who didn't were asked to stay sitting. More than half the class didn't get invitations so it wasn't like just one or two kids were left out.
I am wondering what people think of this policy, and what happens in other schools. I was really surprised, I assumed it was done discretely, but I guess it is also good for kids to learn that they don't get invited to everything. Now I know this, I will have a little chat with DS2 about it, he didn't seem bothered about not being invited to either party, nobody did actually, I just thought it was strange to do it so openly without any thought for the noninvited. Views welcome, thanks :)

[Danann]

what if someone really needed to not have other people knowing where they lived?

That's why at DS's school you are asked if you want your details included/which details are ok, there is one parent who can't give their address/landline out so it just has an email address and mobile number and there was one child in my sisters class who had an agreement with my mum about using her address and mum dropping stuff to them.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

Juniors can hand their own out at break time and infants tend to be done by the children too. Unfair to expect the teacher to take time out in class to organise the social life of a child. Parents can hand out themselves on the playground if they cant trust their child to do it.

[aghteens]

Same here, only allowed to be handed out in class if everybody is invited. Seems fair enough to me. Otherwise they are posted or, more often, emailed.

[clam]

It is not my job as a teacher to manage the organisation of your party, so no, I do not hand out invitations in class, nor do I ask my TA to. It's bad enough with all the blinking newsletters and flyers we have to deal with. And I wouldn't allow a child to do it themselves in class either, for all the reasons cited above. It's pretty mean to all those not invited.

Sorry.

[Eastpoint]

We were allowed to distribute invitations if they were for the whole form, otherwise post/email.

[zingally]

Varies in my class of year 1's.

It REALLY depends on how busy we are that day. If we're super busy, they are given out to the kids as they get ready for home time.

If we're a bit less busy, I'll ask my TA to put them in book bags, but that is a bit of a waste of her time.

Sometimes, the kids give them out themselves as they arrive in the morning. Doing that, there is a risk that some invites never find their way to the intended recipient. But, IMO, it's not down to school staff to sort out the children's social lives outside of school for them.

I have passed them out to kids as they sit on the carpet before. And some do get left out. They never seem very bothered, but I'm not that bothered if they are a bit miffed. It's a good lesson to learn that you can't be favoured for everything. And again, I'm not a social event organiser. This is a school and I'm a teacher. I've got other things to do than hand out invitations to a party happening out of school, to which I'm not invited to either.

[mrz]

Blimey, giving off school premises or posting would be a total pain. What about parents who don't do drop off for whatever reason.

Then you post them. do you have the address of every child in your child's class?

not commenting on the rights or wrongs I always invited every child

[clam]

Yeah, mrz, we're probably "discriminating against" working parents.

[mrz]

Are you clam?

my question was to Tailtwister but I see they have already said they have a class list with names and addresses ... we have been told we can't even give out lists of names never mind parent's details.

[Tailtwister]

It is not my job as a teacher to manage the organisation of your party

Fair enough, that's your policy. I'm just pointing out the rules at the school my DS attends. It works well for all concerned. I'm sure if the teachers/TA's had major objections the system would be changed. Personally, I don't see the issue. Someone goes into each book bag every day to put reading books/homework in. Picking up and invitation from a pile and putting it in at the same time hardly constitutes a lot of extra work imo.

mrz - yes, we have the address of every child. Each parent is asked at the start of the year if they want to be on the list or not. I haven't come across anyone who hasn't as yet. We use the list for organising social events for parents as well and there are quite a few working parents so it works well for them too. I understand there may be incidences where people don't want to be on the list and in that case the invitation would be delivered by different means.

'to which I'm not invited to either Seriously? Do you realise how childish that sounds? You would really want to be invited to a child's birthday party?

[StarWarsStanley]

Ahh - The party invite dilemma.

Dammed if you do but damned if you don't.

I honestly don't know the best approach for this and whatever method you use will lead to someone being disgruntled, whether it be open as in invites handed out in class or slightly more discrete as in emails or whatever.

My only issue, however it's done, is IF it is just one or two kids not being invited from what is otherwise a whole class invite - that seems really cruel IMO.

You will find out soon that as they progress through school they form, fall out and re-form their friendship groups which is of course the natural course of things and their guest wish list will reflect that, combined with whatever financial restraints you have or restrictions you make on party size.

[lljkk]

Whole class parties seem to be incredibly common on MN. They are extremely uncommon here (either that or DC are always the one child left out). We don't have addresses or lists of names. No one has ever suggested it.

If we couldn't ask the school we would end up handing them out in the playground. Or just outside the gates. There would be no other way and the school could NOT prevent it, either. I think much kinder if TAs put discretely in book bags.

I presume in schools where Birthday invites are banned if not all the class, that Xmas cards are also banned unless to all the class?

[MidniteScribbler]

I have two hanging organisers outside my classroom, which has a student's name on each pocket. This is where any communication for parents goes and students learn to take their papers out of there at the end of the day. Parents can get to them without interrupting my classroom and put the invitations in there.

It's not written anywhere in my job description that I need to coordinate the outside of school hours social activities of my students. I have thirty students, if it takes ten minutes to sort them all out, and everyone had a party that would be five hours of my time every year sorting out party invitations.

[rabbitstew]

I like the idea of hanging organisers.

Our school has a policy of not giving out children's names, let alone anyone's address... data protection... so I've always had to rely on my children's versions of their friends' names and invitations going into school and being dealt with in whatever way the school will permit.

As for the really ridiculous idea that all parents should be capable of handing invitations out in the school playground... what planet do some people live on? Tiny village school planet??!! Not all schools are small enough to have little clusters of parents sticking together in year groups in a particular space, all picking up and dropping off at the same time, 5-days a week, and all recognisable to each other.

[MillyMollyMama]

Data protection is not an issue if parents are asked and they agree to go on an address list. Parents who do not agree are left off the list. We never had a list in a state school, only in independent schools. Also did not want 30 x 5 year olds at a party either so never had the whole class. We did at prep school because of smaller classes. I handed invites out to parents myself, or careers, in the state schools and via the teacher/book bag at the prep school. Just depends what system operates.

[legoplayingmumsunite]

I hope it's done discreetly. Our school states it's the child's responsibility (which I think is perfectly reasonable) but as far as I can see (reception and yr 1 at the moment) invites end up in the bookbag so I assume the teaching assistants do it.

Whole class parties aren't very common here, DD1 was invited to a couple last year but they were both joint parties. My BIL lives in North London and when his DDs were smaller they were at at least one whole class party a week.

[Tailtwister]

I have two hanging organisers outside my classroom, which has a student's name on each pocket.

Also an excellent system and one which was used at DS's nursery. Imo all that needs to be avoided is a showy handing out of invitations in front of the whole class. It's up to each individual school/teacher how they handle it.

[Kittymalinky]

The only time I have ever agreed for invites to be given out in class was when 2 if my year 1s had a joint party and invited all the children from both classes (60 kids!!!!)

Then it's fair. Otherwise I say no to the parent or tell the child to put them away. I have been told before by children 'oh my mum told me to give them out' to which my answer is always 'but she didn't ask me so I will speak to her at the en of the day'

It's horrid as a teacher to have to deal with the fall out from children not being invited to parties. It inevitably takes over the day in a low level way

[mrz]

"Data protection is not an issue if parents are asked and they agree to go on an address list." We have been informed by the LEA that we must not give out lists of names/info when requested by parents (for parties or Christmas cards etc) and that it is not the school's role to ask permission to do so.

If children bring invitations they are allowed to hand them out before school or at break times ... but of course with younger children they will often ask adults to read the name on the envelope.

[queenfromars]

Our school specifically asks that we hand them to the teacher or ta at the start of the day, so they can be popped into book bags discretely - guess we are lucky reading this.

My son had a birthday party not long after starting reception, he gave me the names of some children he wanted to invite, but I was completely clueless (at the time) as to who their parents were.

[rollonthesummer]

It's horrid as a teacher to have to deal with the fall out from children not being invited to parties. It inevitably takes over the day in a low level way

I totally agree. The first party invitations I had thrust in my hands as an NQT many years ago caused endless problems. It was a joint party for two girls in the class-a whole bundle of invites were thrust in my hands and I just took them without thinking. I gave them out at the end of the day and there was one for all the children but three, who proceeding to cry. I had to take the class out at the end of the day and explain to all three parents what had happened and why they were upset. The parents were fine, but it made the end of the day very unpleasant and time-consuming. I am sure there would have been better uses of my time.


I would tell the children now to hand as many as they can out before the school gates open.

Last Friday, I had 30 newsletters to give out, 30 topic newsletters, 30 club letters, school photos, homework and reading books and spellings. It takes ages without a TA!!

[Mim78]

My dd's class has a post box. And then the teachers put things like invitations in the bags. Can't imagine it takes very long each day.

[clam]

Mim78 "Can't imagine it takes very long each day."

You have NO IDEA!

[blueberryupsidedown]

I don't think it's the teachers'/school's job to distribute party invitation. Just find another way. It's a waste of teacher's time.

[goonIcantakeit]

I like the idea of the "only if whole class are invited" policy.

A behaviourist would say this subtly trains the parents to alter their invite behaviour..... it's inconvenient to exclude - nice one!