Has anyone done state till eight?

[lifesobeautiful]

My DH and I are currently trying to decide what schooling route to take - state or private. I wondered if anyone had tried the state till eight thing - and if so how did it go? I also wondered if I could hear from anyone who was privately educated, but decided to send their kids to state schools - and how they found that.

I seem to be going round and round in circles! One minute thinking we should try the little local state school, then thinking no because of no playing fields etc (we're in central london). Then thinking yes, because we'll have more money for holidays and he'll meet a more diverse social crowd...then changing my mind..AARRRGH.

Any experiences/thoughts would be gratefully received.

I think people send their children to private schools before 8 for 2 reasons

1. They have reason to believe that it will make it easier for their child to get into the prep school of their choice which will make it easier for their child to get into the private secondary school of their choice.
2. They don't think the local state school will do a good job of educating their child.

Having said that, for the average child, I think the education at a state infant school will be at least as good as that provided by a private school, but meeting a more 'diverse social crowd' (if they are available at your local primary) from age 4-7 won't make much difference to their perception of others in the long term if you take them out at 8.

(Have been bemused by public school types telling me that they went to a comprehensive school because they spent a couple of years in the local village school before going to pre-prep)

Oh that inner confidence that turns into outer arrogance is the main reason none of my children will ever go to private school.

Yes, because all children who go to private schools turn into arrogant little shits don't they?

None of the teens I know are arrogant nor are they more confident etc they all seem much thevsame my ds and my mates kids just slot in together and hae v similar lives and friends.

I think that people send their DC to private schools for the much broader and deeper range of skills their DC will acquire there. And I think that the self-confidence attributed on this thread to the privately-educated is borne of knowing how to do many more things...

Nobody's told me yet why it's worse to plan to take a child out at eight, nine or ten to go to privately than it is to plan to switch to a better state primary school when a place becomes available. Or to return to Poland or to take up a better job in the US when the child is eight or nine.

Our sons still hang out with the friends they made at state primary school, despite moving to prep schools at ten. We still spend time with the families we met through the school and still help out at the primary school. I have been a classroomvolunteer there for ten years.

Perhaps we are just lucky not to live in an area where friendships are based on educational and social ideology.

Bonsoir

Can you give some examples to illustrate your last point, please?

I sent my DC to private from the off, but there were kids who joined the school later.

In some cases this was planned.

Parents wanted the shorter journey for little ones. And shorter days. Less academic pressures...so they chose their community school.

But since they wanted far more than the state school could offer later, they switched.

We all pay our taxes so we all pay for state education. We are entitiled to access it for our DC at any time we choose. But we have no duty to remain there if it doesn't suit us. For whatever reason.

Ab it isn't any different at all from your examples.

However,the anti private poster will take any opportunity to slate private schools, the parents and children who attend them .

By eight, a lot more parents will have saved up the necessary money to pay for private school fees.

By eight, parents will have a better idea of their child's academic/extra-curricular strengths and weaknesses and how the school is addressing these.

By eight, parents who may have never even considered private schooling in the past may be considering it if the child isn't reaching their full potential in a state school.

I don't see anything particularly conniving in it. I was being academically held back at a state school until the end of Year 3 (they wouldn't give me the higher level reading books, wouldn't teach me division etc.) and I was 8 when I got a scholarship for a private school. It was the best decision my very typical working-class parents say they ever made and certainly I'm very grateful for the massive opportunities private schooling gave me at that age.

A DC who can speak several languages fluently, has participated in competitive sports for many years, has great public speaking and debating skills and is up to date with current affairs because he/she has had regular exposure to movers and thinkers is likely to be self-confident. It is easier to access those types of skills via private education.

I'm doing it the other way around. My dd is in private primary to make up for the fact I work too much and don't have time to help her with homework the classes are small and they get more attention so this makes sense for our situation right now. They also have breakfast & after school club included on site. The alternative would have been state with 30 kids in a class a breakfast club & after school club god knows where or a nanny who would cost the same as private school.

When she goes to secondary I'm planning on sending her to the local state school as she will be more independent and I will be more senior in my career so able to work better hours.

I agree with wordfactory - no-one in the UK is under any sort of obligation to use state education.

The same is not true in France, where we all need our DC to attend schools that offer the French NC (teachers paid by and answerable to the state), and opting out is almost impossible.

To be fair, what seems to happen around here is that people give state education a go, with the very best of intentions and expectations.

By the time their DC are seven-ish, they're beginning to reassess, especially if they now have more knowledge of senior schools.

Many parents know precious little when they start the whole shebang. I certainly didn't!

I think that's right - parents don't all set out with a finely honed game plan to milk the state system to their own advantage where possible. They are much more likely to give up on it, disillusioned.

Add me to that list
Well half anyway
We do what's best for each of our children. Which is why I have two state and two private.
Isn't that all any parent tries to do?

Bonsoir

Thanks for your examples. Would you agree that it is perfectly possible to gain those skills in the state system?

Earlier, kangaroo said she had never encountered a state educated person who had 'inner worth' as she described it.

I said that it is easier to acquire those skills in the private system, and I believe that very strongly.

It is certainly possible but I wouldn't say it is likely if you look at the state system as a whole. There will be state schools that can offer all that and many more which can not. Grammar schools would be the most comparable state secondary schools I imagine.

Provision in the state system is very patchy in the UK.

Whether you live close enough to and are allocated a school that does what you want it to is not within your free choice.

It's a difficult decision, bit I believe quite common for children to join the private system around the age of 9 or even at the start of senior school. I suppose it depends on the quality of the primaries in your area, but if we were in a good catchment for a state primary then we would definitely have gone that route (all the way through though, not just to 8). As it happens we don't (very strict catchments in Scotland) and have gone private.

We have gone through the same issues so can sympathise. I would ignore other people's political views and make a decision on what you think is best for your kids/family. When DD was at 7 we agonised hard (as we had at reception level) re private school. We lived in central London at the initial decision so it was hard to compare the little state schools with the better private ones but in the end we went state. We have subsequently moved to SW London and again have opted for state primary.

A large part of that was we wanted our kids to have exposure to a broader range of socio-economic backgrounds (although even in state schools in our area that isn't that diverse).

Speaking to friends who have kids in private school, it seems like the private schools push their kids more and I guess (that's all I can do) that our kids would be further along if we had taken that route. However, they are happy, well balanced, learning well and loving school. And the cost savings aren't to be sniffed at.

We are now revisiting the topic as DD. prepares for secondary school choices and I simply don't know. My sense is the private school will puce them more confidence and probably higher grades, while the state will be more exposure to a broader strata of society and somewhere DD will be closer to the top of the class than at the private school.

The financial issue is worth considering. What would happen if your family lost (even temporarily) its main source of income? Would you have to pull your kids out of the private school?

One thing to note is that most private schools are selective and children usually have to sit some kinds of entrance exam. Obviously that will get tougher as they get older and I guess the chances of getting in will depend on the pressure for places.

I think this was v common when I was young. Certainly it's what my parents did with my brothers (off to prep at 7/8 after local state). Not with me, but that's another story.

Consequently it was something that I hadn't discounted when I was thinking about my firstborn. We live in an area where everyone with money goes private, to the extent that most of the people I met at postnatal groups didn't even look at local state. We did and it was so much more appealing on every level than the privates we looked at. (OP where are these central london privates with large grounds? The ones we saw didn't even have playgrounds, literally no outside space).

I still had a nagging feeling since I was surrounded by those 'doing their best' by going private. Was I somehow not doing my best? I found it comforting to think that we could always opt for private at 7 or 8 if we so wished. My reasoning was that you can opt out of state to go private, but it was unlikely to happen the other way round.

However, when it got nearer that time, I would no sooner have pulled him out to go to a prep than have sent him off to a seminary. He was happy and thriving and what's more, so were we as a family. I feel so incredibly relieved that we made that choice to go to state school and overall it has made us all happier than we would have been with a horrible commute, financial pressures, lots of homework, boy in one school, girls in another etc.

I also would have felt sort of treacherous if I'd pulled him out. I know others that have done that and, while they're not ostracised, it's hard for them to maintain the links with other families that they enjoyed when they saw them everyday. I know everyone has a right to do as they wish, but you must see that the families you might make friends with might not feel thrilled when you tell them that you're removing your child because 'you have to do the best for them'.

ps none of the (exclusively privately educated) people I grew up with have an inner glow, speak more than one language, are good at debating, can turn tin into gold etc. There are far more bilingual and trilingual kids at my child's state school.