DCs who were slow to shine, does they really catch up?

[NigellaTufnel]

DS is in Y1. Summer born. Solid Level 3 reading. Euphemistically described in the "group that needs most support" in class.

He is a lovely boy, gets on brilliantly with his sibling (never really fights), happy, and we are very proud of him.

Question for those with older DC, if your child was at the bottom of the class at such a young age, did they ever rise? We would just like him to be average at something. Not always being last. He gets a bit upset sometimes, and we tell him how great he is, but I'm just getting a bit low.

Thank you everyone for your experiences. My lovely DS does not strike even me as being very bright. But he has worked hard and we are so very very proud of him. And now who knows what might happen?

I think I just want him to be able to keep up and be average at a couple of things! Both DH and I were/ are quite academic and it has taken a while to adjust our expectations.

And I know it shouldn't matter. The thing I find trickiest is when other parents seem to pity him. I know they are only trying to be nice but he doesn't need pity. He is funny and kind and makes us all very happy.

But thank you again lovely Mumsnet,

Oh and it's nice to know we're not the only one in this boat!

My gorgeous DS2 was always very average academically (another summer born boy) and more interested in football than reading but is now a very happy university student studying a main stream academic subject.

That was me - not very bright, just sort of average or if it was languages bottom of the class, in my case probably mildly dyslexic but not enough for anyone to worry about. Fast forward 30 odd years, I'm earning 6 figures and regularly headhunted in my field. I'm good at working just not at school. Keep his confidence up - whatever he is good at praise, let him know that you have faith in him and the world is a big old place where anyone can find their niche (or quiche if they are a MNer)

Let's hope he finds his quiche!

My now 14yo dd struggled a bit throughout primary. She was on IEPs all through and left Y6 with level 3cs in all subjects tested. She always worked hard, just struggled to understand. She is now in Y9 and doing really well, L6 for some subjects and they have started studying GCSE Geography and at the end of this year she has a predicted grade of a D. I don't think they're actually sitting GCSE but she has been given a grade rather than a level, if that makes sense.

I took geography CSE at 16, got a 4 and then O level at 17 and got a D, and I was average academically just a bit lazy, didn't study much.

I'm so proud of her, it seems to have all clicked into place, in the 2 years she has been at secondary school.

same experience. one of my dcs seemed a bit slow in the early years and in fact his y3 teacher thought he was not at all intelligent and would struggle especially in maths. I knew different !

He took off properly aged about 9/10 and at his academic senior school got 10 A GCSEs last year including maths and he is predicted 4A at A level and hopes to go to Cambridge.

But you need to have confidence in your child and know when to give a bit of a nudge.

Dd1 was probably at a similar stage, she made slow progress until around this time of year 2, when she was still struggling with reading and was only just above the group which were taken out of the class completely for maths. She was moaning that all the others talked about was Macdonalds. We did a few extra maths books with her at home (not loads but maybe 10 mins a night) which gave her real confidence that she could do it. Reading seemed to click around the same time, but still a chore. Over the summer she suddenly found reading fun, and would sit for hours reading a book, she is now doing top set maths too, she is in yr3; can't beleive the transformation.

Teacher expectation is something you need to be aware of, it helped when she changed teachers part way through yr2 and again for yr3. They may get reports, but they still make their own assessments, make their own minds up.

The other thing to encourage is an area of work which they are really good at, for example dd1 is very philosophical, will be great at humanities, we tell her that, she has a great understanding of how people think, how the world works. She has recently started piano and is doing really well. If you can find something he is good at, praise him no end about it, a bit of self confidence goes a long way.

Do however keep a close eye on it, discuss with teachers, if by the time he is 7, or sooner if you can get the senco to assess him.

I have a DS (Y3 andApril born) and seems to dream his way through school. He is in bottom groups for maths and english (got 2b in this sats though) and he is quite slow, unless he is motivated - but schoolwork doesn't seem to motivate him at all.

I do quite a bit of maths with DS at home and know what he can do, although he doesn't seem to show it in school. Last Friday DS got an 'achievement certificate for porgress in maths' - he said that was for adding up 2 digit numbers. He has done that very well for about 6 months at least. I am concerned that DS is being seen as slow and not so bright, that expectations are set low and that DS will in turn achieve less than he is capable of.

Or will he gain confidence, wake up and race ahead at some point?

Been reading this thread and thanks op great question.

Do I think those behind get pigeon holed sadly yes

not with all teachers or all schools.

But do think the sats and league tables

focus on schools on acheiving the min not always gettng the best

My dd -reception average literacy, above average numeracy efys scores

year 1-1st parents evening prior to xmas-everythings fine

fast forward spring-no shes struggling

getting extra help with literacy-phonics-im thinking ok least they being proactive and interevening. But last year was 1st year of phonics test and all they were really doing was teaching to the test-cynical I know but there you go,

numeracy shes struggling but they have no course of action and saying she has issues ith sequence of numbers and basic concepts yet why she score an 8 in reception out of 9?

fast foward year 2 its split intaka so 30youngest meant to be year 2class and 15 oldest by dob in 2/3 yet they oved the 2cleverest younger ones up kept 2 down.

dd starts term on bottom table for maths, bottom table for literacy.

she knew this and wa sdown about it as well as her reading levels were way lower than rest of class.

dd got 1b everything end year 1 report which school said was below avarage and her chort even youngest in year did better.

So all they aiming year 2 was to get her to magic 2b in year 2sats.
she hates year 2 got told off twice once about maths homework wrong, also phonics was incorrect and told im so dissapointed in you cue more tears.

She was getting more down and anxious saying year 2 was very hard.
spoke to teacher twice about upping her reading levels as too easy and got huge lecture on on how she needs to comprehend.
School limited reading to 4-6pages night which means 1book took over a week to read, onec night read it all then I got told off next day.

Had dd crying as thourght she never catch up, her class were very competative, few people sad mean things like im way past that book, thats so babish.

I could see how it was knocking her self esteem.

they had phonics support groups but dd passed phonics test so not eligiable for help and no support offered for numeracy.

I did think is it just me being precious.
I dident want her to be top of class.
wanted her to achieve potential be happy, confident and enjoy learning.

I noticed from few others in class that teacher was in some way leveling the class got told shes fab teacher that she would raise her to here she needs to be suspected that be 2b then.
I wanted dd self esteem intact by end of year 2.
Spoke to deputy head who told me not end of world if she got 2c? to which i said she be behind and once again playing catchup in juniors then.

So just before half term gave notice moved her to smaller village school, diffrent style of teacher shes now eldest in split class.
Im not saying they dont diffrentate work into levels but its far more subtle less compatative, more relaxed and informal.

shes done a week and they not got her levels transfereed yet.

Some breif initial assessment and told me her reading comprehensions fine other teacher said that was the problem, new school says its fluency which comes with reading more books and wider range of reading not just ort /ancient ginn and more than few pages a night-read as much as possible aim is for child to leave year 2 confient with a love of reading -not mention of levels but sen their keystage 1 sats and they good.

They have a no homework policy so no more spellings tests or tears over pointless numeracy homework. just focus on reading.

I do think i made right decision she as already being pigeon holed in 1st term of year 2.

Even hubby who was reluctant to move now thinks they have held her reading back,

something happened between reception and year 2 where they let her down,. year one she made no progress with litercacy and slipped with numeracy and ended year level 3ort lower than her 1b national curriculum level.

Another girl in her class was put in bottom maths table and upset as typo error on nc levels between year 1 and year 2teacher.

The school even gave out different spellings for test and maths homework 1st week was find diffrent shapes around your home in year 2 for dd whilst ones on top table got how many sides does this shape have yet i was overreacting and that they were easing her in and being dishonest about how they were giving out diffrent lots.

I couldent see how she was challenged? how they were helping her to improve on weak topics. They were not celebrating things she was good at enjoyed like art and sport as they did very little.

Definitely, my eldest DS who is 12 struggled the whole way through primary school, he's got fantastic social skills but was at a really low level at reading, he is now in year 8 and has come along massively, it's almost like someone flicked a switch! Your lovely boy will be fine, honestly, just keep his confidence going and keep encouraging him.

Oh yes they can. That said I do think parental support and being on top of things helps. MY DD1 did not have a good reception year and in the words of our head...there are some very bright children and she will never be like that. I always felt she was above average (not brilliant ) and capable. Despite being accused of being pushy I held onto my gut feeling. She is now top for reading and in second group for maths and English. Finding some others have now fallen behind.
Advice - believe in your child, you know them better than anyone!. if they are not looking like hitting average scores for KS1 find a good tutor. I was reluctant but it was the best thing. 3 months of maths input made a great difference to her confidence. Remember parental support is key to success, studies bear this out time and time again. Be positive and support them.
HTH

This thread has been very reassuring. My DS is 7 & struggling with his reading & writing, some good advice.

Hi NigellaTufnel

DD1 was seriously unable to take 1 from 10 at end of Y2 and now sits in top group at start of Y5. Our solution was to put in the hours at home. We believed she could do it and were fed up with the school telling us we just had to accept she was 'a bit dim'. It really was how it was being taught - she's much better with visual demonstrations & prefers learning through gaming. We joined an on-line tutorial (Mathsfactor - but there also has been praise here on Mumsnet for Mathletics and Mathswhizz) and have put in about 1 hour extra a week to make up the lost ground and secure calculation skills. It has made a huge difference and she's over the moon to be doing as well as friends she perceived as really clever.

DD1 still struggles in reading but had a brilliant TA in Year 4 who headed up an accelerated reading programme. We just keep pushing the reading. Can't see the DVD/ movie until you've read the book kind of thing.

Our experience has been to accept that it is a marathon not a 100m sprint. Things take time - somtimes it's about being old enough to understand these concepts.

We also showed our belief. We acknowledged it was difficult but encouraged her to keep plugging away and showed our confidence that she'd get it in the end.

I have a lot of faith in hard work and I also think ultimately learning something when it wasn't easty to pick up is actually of more value long term.

Best of luck - just keep showing him your support and also remember that everyone has talents, it's just about finding them.