Boisterous behaviour in the playground

[Aliway]

Hi there, I am looking for some constructive advice on how to best manage this situation; I have a 4.5 ds, in reception, who at lunch time has taken to playing with 2 year 1 boys. These boys, as have discovered today have an appalling reputation for bad behaviour in and out of the classroom. I have had some concerns for the past 2-3 weeks my ds was reprimanded for pulling the trousers down of another reception child, I was very cross and very upset, I was told these 2 boys had 'egged' him on to do it, apparently they are known for doing this. The teacher explained the punishment given to the children, my ds was reprimanded at home. The thing is I was speaking to another mum today about whether her son socialises with year one children, she said; 'yes, but I have told him there are 2 boys that he is not to play with as they behave very poorly' I mentioned the names of the 2 boys my ds plays with and she aggreed they were the ones and warned me off them, I then went to his teacher and she spilled the beans so to speak and said when in reception last year they were terrible.
I am in the process of using reward charts when he plays with his own year group he is rewarded. My ds does lie about whether he has played with these boys, can be manipulative and when not actively supervised likes to please himself, he is frequently kind, affectionate, naive and impressionable. I have a good relationship with his teacher

[Aliway]

anyone?

[ComeIntoTheGardenMaud]

It's difficult to see what more you can do, but it may be more productive if you try to encourage new friendships rather than discourage the existing one, if you see what I mean. Do you invite friends home to play? Does your son do any activities outside school (football? Beavers?) where he might be with other boys from his year and so make stronger friendships with them?

Did the teacher say anything about what the school does to supervise all the children - and especially these two boys - in the playground? If they know that these boys encourage younger children to misbehave then, even though it's probably impossible to supervise them for every minute of playtime, the lunchtime supervisors ought to be keeping a lookout for problems.

I'm a bit wary of discouraging your son from playing with all of Y1 when it's only these two boys who are the problem. Reception children often gain a lot from playing with older children - especially when they're so new to school - and it would be a shame if you discouraged your son from finding other friends in Y1.

[Aliway]

Thank you, your response has been very helpful. My ds started at this school not knowing anyone I have been actively discouraging him from playing with these boys but I will take a different tack, I will ask the teacher about strategies for playground supervision, thanks again

[ComeIntoTheGardenMaud]

You're welcome. I always think with threads like this that even if you think everything I've suggested is rubbish, it will have clarified what you feel and what you want to do!

I think it's fine to discourage him from playing with these boys but it's more likely to work if he becomes more attached to other boys and so has less reason to want or need to play with these two. Really, my concern was about not turning that into a blanket ban on playing with all of Y1 because he might then miss out on some lovely friendships. Anyway, good luck!

[Aliway]

:-)

[IloveJudgeJudy]

I would ask the teachers to keep your son and these boys apart as much as possible. My DS had a friend in Y1/2 who, when they both got together, they both behaved badly, my DS as much as the other boy. They both egged each other on, in a bad way. I asked for them to be kept apart and greatly encouraged DS to make other friends. It did work.

I would really encourage your DS to play with other people. It's harder for you as he's younger than my DS was. Good luck.

[Wellthen]

I understand you would rather he just didn't play with them at all but I think if he has started to lie about it this may be falling on deaf ears. Definately praise when he plays with others but I think its really important to approach the behaviours rather than the children.

Talk with him about what he should do when his friends do something naughty or ask him to do something. Reiterate what is acceptable and what isn't and that he mustn't do something he knows is wrong. I know he's very little but this will leak into his understanding in some way.

[spiderpig8]

Your mistake is allowing these boys egging him on, to be a mitigating factor in his wrongdoings.At 4.5 yrs old he knows damn well that pulling down someone's trousers is wrong.
leyt himplay with who he wants but leave him in absolutely no doubt that he is responsible for his own actions.

[RosemaryandThyme]

I have a similar situation, the teachers have advised my boy needs to "learn to discriminate" - we are having a go at role play, discussing books with similar themes, - and inviting lots of nicer kids round for tea!

[Aliway]

Thank you everyone for your replies. Make no mistake spiderpig8, I do not view these boys as a 'mitigating factor' to justify his poor behaviour. I feel from reading these posts that persistence is the key!