is it normal for seperated parents to request seperate appointments for parents evening?

[workshy]

and will schools normally accommodate the request?

my ex and I can't even bear to look at each other and niether of us trusts the other to relay the info accurately

I have some questions I want to ask about G&T DD1 and high schools but don't feel able to ask these things infront of her dad

would it be odd if I let him go to parents evening and then made another appointment with the teachers for me?

[exoticfruits]

I have only done it once-however if they request it I think it much better to go along with it-it isn't my place to get into any disagreements, or favour one side.
The best was one DS who had both parents+ both steps at the same time. They were very supportive, came to school plays etc and sat together and needless to say he was a very secure DS. I have only had that once, so I guess it doesn't happen often.

[exoticfruits]

In the one occasion they came separately they did spend their time bitching about each other which was sad because they were more interested in each other than the school work.

[kickingking]

I'm a primary teacher. Some parents attend together, some have separate appointments. Neither bothered me.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Once is 20 years? I do 7 parents' evening a year and have at least two, often more, sets of parents with separate appointments at each one!

[jewelledsky]

Schools are not actually obliged to offer two separate parent consultations for the same child. We offer one appointment per child. In response to the earlier poster who seems to think teachers are there to accommodate the needs of parents - we are not. We are there to accommodate the needs of the children. It is not the teacher's problem if parents cannot bear to be in the same room for 15 minutes to discuss their child's progress.

[exoticfruits]

I would always accommodate them, otherwise the stronger one gets the place-I wouldn't want to get drawn in.

[cece]

Probably because the letter that goes out says something along the lines of we offer one appointment per child. Separated parents are expected to come together to appointments in the best interests of their child.

TBH it is hard enough fitting in one appointment per child into the time alloted. Quite often I have to find extra times to see parents as it is without offfering two appointments per child.

[TheFallenMadonna]

For goodness sake. It's not in the best interest of the child to force two parents who cannot be civil to each other, or, even worse, where one is abusive to the other, to sit next to each other. And if you cannot communicate your concerns to parents because they are too stressed at having to be in close contact, then it is the teacher's problem.

[IHeartKingThistle]

I teach secondary at a school where it is expected that the child will come along to Parents' Evening. I only have had this situation a couple of times but I just feel for the teenagers who have to sit in front of each teacher twice and hear the same things. It should be about them. I'm sorry but I agree that in most cases parents should come together. Violence I can understand more, though.

The other thing is that if we teach 2 classes in the Year Group we have to cram 60 appointments into the evening. Giving some students 2 appointments would mean not seeing some students' parents at all.

[Feenie]

Hmmmm....in primary school we have too many to fit in aswell, so we do it over two nights. I see what you mean, cat64, but that excuse would not go down well.

[BranchingOut]

This never came up as a huge issue when I was teaching. The two parents would generally attend together, even if I never saw the non-resident parent at any other time. I often spoke to both parents, plus their new partners and assorted stepchildren. The bigger issue was trying to keep everything to time, fit in all the meetings by holding them after school for at least the next week and chase those who hadn't bothered to turn up!

A few times a non-resident parent requested an extra meeting, often when they lived too far away to attend at the usual time. That was fine.

On the whole I do believe that 'one meeting per child' should be the rule, however if a parent really felt that they could not attend with the other due to issues of violence or abuse then any school must absolutely accommodate that request. Two appointments should not become the norm, otherwise it becomes impractical to manage. If processes such as parent consultations become unwieldy (double appointments for a significant proportion of children, meaning that appointments drag on long past open evening) then it is easy for them to begin to impact on the school's core task of day-to-day teaching.

[exoticfruits]

I don't think it should become the norm but you can't be too unbending and there might be circumstances where it is necessary.
It is far more difficult at secondary level where lots of teachers have to be seen and the timing must be a nightmare when it is one night only-and unworkable if the DC is supposed to be with both, separately.

[clam]

A huge proportion of the kids in my class have separated parents - if I had to offer two appointments for each of them, I'd be there all night. My school only offers it in exceptional cases (of documented difficulty).

[mathanxiety]

There's a lot of grey area between the kind of abuse that leads to no contact and no contact information, and amicable separation.

[mrz]

and Primary teachers are reporting on THIRTEEN subjects for each child cat64
I normally do 5 nights each term with extras for target children each half term.

[BranchingOut]

Cheers Cat64.

Agreed, the children I have taught where there have been issues around domestic abuse are generally living some way from ex-partners, with contact via a contact-centre and court-orders in place.

It has never come up that a non-resident parent with a history of domestic abuse has wanted to attend a parental consultation.

However, I wonder if secondary teachers are reporting higher instances of dual-appointments because by the time a child reaches age 11+ there has been more time for marriages and partnerships to break down. :(

[mrz]

My parents evening are in addition to my directed time cat64 as are the before and after school support sessions I teach

[nooka]

We had to have our talk with one of the children's teachers at a different time due to timetabling difficulties this term, and ended up chatting to him for a good half an hour or so (granted this was partly because he was telling us about his previous job) dh is PTA chair and he also taught our son last year so we know him quite well. We usually end up with a few extra appointments for ds every year as his behaviour can be quite interesting at times so we have to do lots of liaison. When we separated for a while a few years ago we still did all the appointments together, but then parenting was never the issue between us. I would have been a bit shocked if school had insisted we came together.

I think that you need to ask nicely and explain why, but I would expect a primary school teacher to be able to fit in an extra slot for you so long as you are flexible about when.

[Familydilemma]

Mrz, I commend you for your parents' evenings, but just wanted to say that, although in fairness you haven't, it would be unreasonable to expect every teacher to do the same. That said, all teachers I know do in fact do that for parents who need it. I have had parents who have had daily ten to fifteen minute check ins with me when a particular situation requires it. Most wouldn't need it.

[mrz]

No I'm not suggesting every teacher should do it. My children are older so I can give my time more freely now than I could when they were young but not everyone is in that position.