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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

'You can tell he is one of the younger ones in the class.'

40 replies

NickNacks · 27/02/2011 19:33

This is what DS2's teacher said to me at our meeting a week ago.

She was referring to his lack of willing to sit and do adult led activites, he still plays alongside others rather than 'with' others, struggles with zipping up his coat and shoes on the right feet etc.

She said 'Well we won't concern ourselves with it yet'. But the thing is.... He IS one of the youngest in the class being 4 1/2 now and some of his classmates are nearing 5 1/2 so obviously there will be differences and sometimes large ones at that.

I am a CM so very familar with the EYFS and nothing he does worries me. So why should I concern myself EVER with his young traits? I'm not sure what she wants me to do with this information!

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ImNotaCelebrity · 27/02/2011 22:26

Rubbish! Don't listen to TheQuiet, NickNacks. He's a 4.5 yr old BOY. Common traits I'd say! Nothing to do with SEN. Is the teacher either inexperienced or childless? My perspective as a teacher changed massively once I had my kids, particularly as one is a bright, lively, immature boy, who also struggled with this sort of stuff in reception.

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ImNotaCelebrity · 27/02/2011 22:26

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TheQuiet · 27/02/2011 22:29

Sure, ImNot, why are then parents going in tribunals in juniour school? Because primary teachers don't have a clue about SEN and the system is geared for an uphil struggle. To watch.

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NickNacks · 27/02/2011 22:36

He has been putting them on himself for many years yes but it's still a guess as to whether they are on the right feet or not. Is this very unusual?? He doesn't have problem with any other clothing such as t-shirts on the right way, he knows when they are inside out and can turn them back again, can put fingered gloves on, pants in the right leg holes. Its only shoes but i figure he'll get there.

I don't think it's an aspergers issue either. He plays very well with his brother and other relations- I just think he's still getting to know the other children at aschool and can be a little shy. No transition problems- goes to school beautifully and adapts well to change in routine. He also has good gross motor skills, football, running climbing etc.

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evolucy7 · 27/02/2011 22:43

NickNacks...so if he can do other tasks for himself in getting dressed etc, then it would seem strange to be just the shoes, perhaps you could put some stickers in them or something to help him remember which is which? I actually thought that the shoes were just one example you were giving but that there were many more things like this. If the teacher was only talking about a few specific things I think that is different to it being very general about self sufficiency. Was the teacher just telling you the actual things that he could not yet do, rather than this being indicative of an 'issue'?

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NickNacks · 27/02/2011 22:54

Yes she had a list of very specific things he cannot do yet which I said we would work on. She didn't say those things in particular were an issue but that 'she could tell he was a younger one'. She asked if we could encourage him more at home, which we do, to be fair he doesn't have a problem in trying or expect us to do it for him, just we usually do end end telling him 'H you need to swap your shoes over' because he hasn't noticed! The zip on his coat i think annoys her because he can't do that either!

She did have some nice things to say- he has lovely manners!, has a strong moral justice (he's a tale-teller!)and contributes well to class discussions. I think the bit that got to me was the comment 'Well we won't concern ourselves with it yet' as if he was unusual for acting younger than his peers when he is indeed, younger!

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NickNacks · 27/02/2011 22:57

Teacher is inexperienced or childless but she seems quite a box- ticker iyswim

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TheQuiet · 27/02/2011 23:10

NickNacks, you are right, he is still young and you should not worry. You sound quite worked up by her remarks. But you really should calm down. ImNot is right, they grow up ar different pace and it has nothing to do with ability. You are already doing all the right things. If he copes well there is no issue. Even if the teacher would prefer a line of robots.

By the way high functioning AS can do all of those things you describe, they simply have different dynamic.

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Catnao · 28/02/2011 00:19

Well - my son is a late August (28th) birthday, and I suspected knew all was not right after reception - about middle of Y1. Lots of "under achieving" sorts of comments. I also noticed certain things at home that were "not quite right"/comensurate with his other abilities.

His diagnosis of ADHD and subsequent medicating him with (albeit a low dose) of potentially dangerous drugs, was something we thought long and hard about, and I was resistant to for a long time. Fast forward to Y6 - second highest group in all "setted" subjects, doing well, lots of friends.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with your son! But I am glad I wasn't fobbed off with the late August thing for too long.

If you are worried in any serious way, I can PM you a link to my son's consultant, who I have found to be marvellous, understanding totally of my son and very able to counter the Daily Mail "ADHD doesn't exist" arguments that can be prevalent.

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Catnao · 28/02/2011 00:22

(Although I'm doing coats/shoes up all the time in Y1, so am sure there isn't a big problem if this is your only worry!)

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jalapeno · 28/02/2011 06:38

DS was the same, we didn't push him or try to improve him at all in reception, now half way through yr 1 he has academically caught up I think but still prefers to play than sit!

His teachers have always agreed that there is a huge difference between 4.3 and 5, 4.8 and 5.5 etc. sounds like your teacher feels the same just isn't very clear about it.

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OffToNarnia · 28/02/2011 07:39

My ds in year 1 and still a little awkward with buttons and trouser clips etc. I don't think particularly unusual. He is considered quite 'able' but has only just stopped getting on the 'sad board' for silly/ cheeky behaviour. He is not the most mature but touch wood getting there. Fingers crossed for today - back to school!

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cory · 28/02/2011 08:45

My ds was awkward about buttons and shoes at an age where his sister was able to do fine embroidery. I struggled tying my shoelaces at an age where my brother was regularly called in to fix household appliances. People are different.

And pace some posters it's not just about parenting: my brother was the baby of the family, but he was still incredibly clever with his fingers. I was a middle child with two younger siblings, so needed to be independent, I just wasn't very good at it.

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NickNacks · 28/02/2011 10:41

Thank you for all of your replies.

I guess i have been sensitive to her comments because it was a difficult decision to send him this year. The school only do one intake in September so it was a choice between Reception at 4.1 or straight into Year 1 at 5.1. I thought we had made the right decision since he had done a year in nursery and was keen to go to 'big school'. Her comments have obviously hit a nerve that perhaps he isn't ready to be there.

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Becaroooo · 28/02/2011 18:20

He is 4 nicks in a class with children, some of whom are nearly 12 months older than him, is it so surprising that he cannot do some of the things they can do?

I dont think so!

My son is a summer baby and the comments from his teachers started in pre school..... him not being able to zip his coat up on his own, hang it up on the peg (my fault as I had bought him a coat with no tag on on!), he took a long time to settle and that he need lots of help to complete tasks.....

2 years down the line and her own dd started pre school and we were chatting about it and she said, and I quote;
"we expect far too much from them at this age!"

I nearly fell off my chair!!!

Teachers are so quick to label kids when they dont do whats needed to tick the bloody boxes of the NC and to please ruddy OFSTED.....it makes me so . And when there is an issue with SEN/SN getting the provision needed from the school is a nightmare!

Sorry their comments have upset you.