Misgivings about school...which is better?

[IngridBergmann]

We went to see a school yesterday, for my y3 and R children.

Y3 currently attends a small school which is predominantly attended by kids from middle class, supportive families. Hiwever it's dealt badly with some SN issues and I'm told, with bullying as well. So by no means perfect...almost brushes these issues under the carpet so to speak.

But it has very few kids with SN and very little bullying (though definitely some) so I guess it thinks it can get away with it.

The school we went to see was very different. It's huge - when full would have 450 children, infants and juniors (ours has half this).

It's in an area where there is a really rough estate and thus a large proportion of the kids there come from unsupportive families. The school was not so long ago really failing - no reading scheme, dreadful parents coming to the school armed to attack each other etc. However new head has been there a couple of years and has turned it around apparently. Results improving greatly, security everywhere, behaviour sorted out. First thing he did was volunteer that there IS bullying, but it is dealt with.
I thought that was a good attitude.

However some things concern me. We saw a lot of classes, lots were small groups - great, also many many support staff and some with children on their laps, very very nurturing environment, but on the other side of this the kids were being negotiated with - a bit like you would a teenager - rather than just doing what they were told, there was an argument first iyswim, which the teachers handled well but it felt as though it were a secondary school.

ie I think there is a lot of 'attitude' - not surprising if lots of the parents don't command respect from their kids. And I can see why these kids need to be treated like mini teenagers.

I thought it was handled really cleverly BUT the need for it worried me; there was almost an assumption that the children would be bolshy, that they would be 'trouble', the HT kept calling them ugly etc (in a jokey way but still). It just felt like a secondary school.

I also found when I made comments - really approving comments - they were ignored. He did a good spiel but I wasn't allowed to comment and nor was ds. We asked some questions which were answered but there was no discussion, no humour unless the HT was being 'funny', we couldn't share a joke at all.

He also made a couple of comments to female staff and pupils which made me uncomfortable. to one young and pretty teacher he made some sarky comment about her 'wanting him' (for something or other) and sort of winked at her as she went away...and when we saw a y5 girl working he said 'Oh that's [name of girl]' with a tone like 'she's trouble' . I got the feeling he sees women as underlings who fancy him a bit and bother him for nothing, and was worried about that in terms of how he sees the girl children.

But generally it's a great school - masses of inspiring teachers, very nurturing, brill equipment (music etc) and art everywhere.

I just felt funny about it. And when we arrived - as per appointment, and the barrier was down, we pressed the button, and no one answered for about 2 minutes when I got a 'who are you and what do you want' shouted down the intercom. Then was asked to move my car when I'd parked it in the only available space.

Security cameras put me off a bit as well.

WWYD?

[IngridBergmann]

I know at the other school this child would have the care he needed, have got a statement years ago (school where we are discouraged his parents from getting one so he doesn't have any funding/provision) and he wouldn't be relying on ds to placate him during meltdowns, as the staff would be managing it.

that sort of thing really. But then there are far more SN kids there, so will that counter any positives? Nothing against SN kids at all, but very much against schools who fail to provide properly for their needs.

[IngridBergmann]

Not bullied as such but desperate problems involving a very attached SN child who can't seem to cope very well, and school using ds in a caring capacity towards this kid (whose fault it is not).

iyswim. Ds having a lot of problems because of this situation, and school addressing it finally after two years in a woefully inadequate and half arsed manner.

[Callisto]

Has your son been bullied at his current school? Is that why you are looking at other schools?

[IngridBergmann]

Thanks...my feelings are to stay where we are, too - or HE.

there is an issue currently where we are (we're one of the minority I guess who are unlucky) so are looking to move but there are only two schools in this place that are NOT like the one I just described.

And the other one has no places.

Seeing that one yesterday has made me realise how fortunate we are. It isn't that they wouldn't nurture ds along with all the others. But that he doesn't need it...it's as though some of those kids get such a rough time at home that school is their only safe place. And that's brilliant - it caters for a need.
But ds doesn't have those needs. (I don't think so anyway - might be being complacent) so I'm worried it might have a detrimental effect, teach him that all children are expected to require negotiation instead of doing as they should happily, and also am worried about the level of bullying - not knowing what it is.
I probably sound very PFB but he's been through enough where he is now. I don't want a frying pan-fire scenario.

[Callisto]

It doesn't sound like a great school to me tbh. I'd be sticking with the smaller school and watching for bullying issues like a hawk.