Hi all, I have not posted on MN in years so bear with me if I'm out of the groove or there's loads of stuff on this already that I need to find.
Wondering if there's any advice here (or links to expert resources) about how to go about trying to constructively set different
norms with fellow parents about the preteens smartphones?
It seems most of my daughter’s school friends are getting smartphones when they turned 11, inc WhatsApp and some have other apps like TikTok, YT, and Instagram, which to me is (personal opinion) ridiculously young. I’m truly terrified at the prospect, especially as I know from the Y6 parents WhatsApp discussions that there has been some not at all nice stuff going on between the kids who have phones, mainly on WhatsApp. To the point where the school has had to put out firm comms reminding parents to help keep their kids safe online, reminding on recommended minimum ages for apps etc. Yet it seems lots of the girls in my daughter's peer group are on many WhatsApp groups, some have TikTok (apparently private/family only, whatever that means), some have YT accounts etc.
I’ve no idea how to try to take a different approach, without some like-minded allies, so my daughter isn’t a Lone Ranger and ends up feeling ostracised, if that makes sense? Equally I don’t want to come across as the t*t on parents WhatsApp who says ‘is anyone else like me considering a very cautious approach re apps because I’m fing terrified at the risk of letting my daughter have the kind of access to WhatsApp and other stuff that lots of other kids have.’
Each to their own of course, but surely there must be a way of navigating taking a more cautious, simpler approach, whilst my daughter is still pretty young (a couple of months from turning 11)? I expect we'll get her a phone at least when she goes to secondary in September, but even then I'd prefer she didn't have apps. Surely I can't be alone in feeling this way?
*To clarify: as above I’m not envisaging that she doesn’t have a phone at all ever - she’ll need it for safety/contact purposes when she goes to secondary school in September as she’ll walk to/fro without a parent. More that we might say that WhatsApp and other apps aren’t happening til she’s a good bit older.
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Preteens
How to navigate a different approach to the norm on Y6 kids and smartphones.
lilmissiehopeful · 11/04/2024 20:17
DaysofHoney · 11/04/2024 20:23
Look up the smartphonefree childhood campaign - gaining big momentum. Guarantee you won’t be alone thinking this.
How about a basic phone, or an Apple Watch? What are the alternatives? My kids are a bit younger but I’m doing my research now. My 13 year old niece is staying with us and is addicted to her phone, it’s utterly miserable to watch her - total zombie - her parents have lost all control and all sense of what is normal.
weareblaire · 12/04/2024 18:51
Your Year 6 is a digital native, born with a phone in her hand, she has grown up knowing life without the internet, she will be able to do her homework on Chat GPT. She is also more hugely influenced by her peers and she can learn how to do most things without a teacher (i.e. a You Tube or TT video). It feels foreign to us Gen X and millenial parents but with this also comes some huge pluses....
My advice would be to acknowledge that her experience is very different and foreign to your own. And to be curious about it. Sign up to Tiktok, Snapchat etc and see what it is about. Understand her space and then make an informed decision. There is no right answer as we all navigate this alien land for us boomers.
With regards to the other parents - again be curious. Are they so relaxed because they know how the Tiktok algorithm works? (its actually v safe!) and think there is something to be gained from this? Or are they travelling in a pack? Or are they so busy working that they dont have time to think about what their pre-teens are up to.
After you have been curious - trust your gut! You will make the right decision for your family.
Sunflowersinthehaze · 12/04/2024 19:56
Please can you explain more about the TikTok algorithm being very safe? I do like your advice to sign up to the different social media platforms before your children get them as I think so many are naive about these. However I have signed up to Tiktok recently and some of the videos that pop up for me are very strange!
Editedweareblaire · 12/04/2024 18:51
Your Year 6 is a digital native, born with a phone in her hand, she has grown up knowing life without the internet, she will be able to do her homework on Chat GPT. She is also more hugely influenced by her peers and she can learn how to do most things without a teacher (i.e. a You Tube or TT video). It feels foreign to us Gen X and millenial parents but with this also comes some huge pluses....
My advice would be to acknowledge that her experience is very different and foreign to your own. And to be curious about it. Sign up to Tiktok, Snapchat etc and see what it is about. Understand her space and then make an informed decision. There is no right answer as we all navigate this alien land for us boomers.
With regards to the other parents - again be curious. Are they so relaxed because they know how the Tiktok algorithm works? (its actually v safe!) and think there is something to be gained from this? Or are they travelling in a pack? Or are they so busy working that they dont have time to think about what their pre-teens are up to.
After you have been curious - trust your gut! You will make the right decision for your family.
Safety Center | TikTok
We're committed to making TikTok a safe place for creativity and expression. TikTok's Safety Center offers valuable tools and resources to encourage a positive and safe environment for our community.
https://www.tiktok.com/safety/en/
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