anyone else's 11 dd being revolting?!

[lu9months]

eg answering back, bad attitude, arguing, acting entitled. what are your best ways of coping/dealing with it? i take screen time away but im not sure it makes much difference. i try and be patient/empathise/spend quality time but its hard !

DD 12 is exactly the same. I've just downloaded some teen parenting books because I'm at the end of my tether with her.

Feel same tonight. Shes gas lighting me.
Mum why haven't we got any micellar water. Me its at my mums avon lady has dropped it of I need to pick it up she was at caravan at weekend ill get it sat. We haven't had any in months isit because you can't afford it is that why. Tonight it's homework, hates her life etc. Shoot me!

Yeah, rolling her eyes at me, answering back, being horrid to her brother arguing with everything I say, being totally dramatic if I say no to anything

Yep dd is an absolute tool at the moment

Yes. She's behaving in a really sneaky way too. I'm a single mum and I work full-time (mostly from home) and I am at my wits end with it all. Just spent my lunch break in tears, because I am so sick of the shit.
It sounds like a stupid thing to get upset about, but she went in the kitchen cupboard last night and ate a whole pack of brownies, and 4 wagon wheels, unbeknownst to me. She was sick in the night, noe off school today. I feel like she's constantly disrespecting me and taking the piss. She screams at me about how strict I am - I'm really not. I have family link on her devices, she got around it and was on her phone late at night. I'm exhausted and utterly sick of being a detective and a good cop / bad cop 24 /7.

This sounds so hard. I will say I think there’s a place for empathising and saying ‘oh that must be hard, I see you’re angry about xyz’ but I think there’s also a place for saying ‘don’t be cheeky or you’ll lose your pocket money/iPad/whatever. I have said no to xyz and that’s that.’ I know that’s not a popular view sometimes though, I just feel sometimes it’s better to say this is where the line is rather than trying to be friends all the time.

YES! I feel bad because I absolutely hate being around her at the moment. Everything I say she speaks to me like crap, her room is a tip & I've actually bought a cupboard lock for the treat cupboard because she is eating a weeks worth of treats in a day (she has access to fruit/yoghurt/pepperami/cheese but would rather stuff chocolate and crisps in vast quantities).

@nellytheelephantscircus

YES! I feel bad because I absolutely hate being around her at the moment. Everything I say she speaks to me like crap, her room is a tip & I've actually bought a cupboard lock for the treat cupboard because she is eating a weeks worth of treats in a day (she has access to fruit/yoghurt/pepperami/cheese but would rather stuff chocolate and crisps in vast quantities).

Oh my gosh same with the treats!! I hide them all over the place, as she cracked the code for the lockable box I bought to store them in!! Her clothes are strewn all over the floor of her bedroom, and I regularly stand on toys and hair clips etc that have just been left there. I have decluttered numerous times and am doing it again on the weekend with her, it just adds to the stress of life with the chaos and constant nagging at her, which I hate!

I'm so glad I've found this thread today. I'm at my wits end with dd11, the moods, the tears, the shouting, the attitude, the lies, I don't know what I'm going to get from one minute to another! I was at the point that I thought there might be some mental health issues as she just never seems happy but reading everyone's experiences has reminded me that it's probably hormones and my older dd19 went through a similar thing (I think my memories must have mellowed a bit because I don't remember it this bad!). It's going to be a bumpy ride but we will come out the other end!! Xxx

Mine isn’t 11 for another 6 months, but she’s def beginning to argue, stomp about, mood swings etc. Sounds like it’s only going to get worse 😬

just lost it and confiscated her phone, and now feel bad that im not being a calm positive role model. but bugger it, the phones confiscated.

Omg I’m so glad I’ve found this. I’m currently sat with head in hands it’s only 8.30 had the snapping, attitude, stomping it’s relentless!

Another one who's pleased she found this thread! Bit different but DD12 just doesn't seem to want to be anywhere near me. Disappears to get room ALL the time and only cares about friends and hobbies. I keep telling myself that's good and normal - and I know it is. And I get she needs to distance herself from me now she's growing up. But it all feels TOO EARLY. And i handle it badly because I let my hurt come through. (I know I take it too personally... but she winds me up! Older DD was grumpy but it wasn't like this!!

Oh my gosh same with the treats!! I hide them all over the place, as she cracked the code for the lockable box I bought to store them in!!

Its a sport for kids to hunt for things parents try to hide. Be it treats, Xmas presents, or adult reading material.
Don't stockpile tempting treats and expect them to have just 1. Just buy one at a time and that's it.

Can I join you? My 12 year old is selfish, rude and mean to her siblings. She’s an absolute dick. She’s number 2 and her brother was honestly never this rude

Omg mine. Totally hideous. Hoping to pick up tips

@lu9months

just lost it and confiscated her phone, and now feel bad that im not being a calm positive role model. but bugger it, the phones confiscated.

I've resorted to this. Only thing that might bother her

How are you keeping communication lines open? I'm really struggling. Most interactions seem to be about DD wanting to do things with her friends... She doesn't really engage. I miss her. DH says she's a teenager and it's natural. I know he's basically right, but I do feel like the attitude needs watching, and that it's not unreasonable to spend some 'quality' time together. Bit stumped as she doesn't want to do the things we used to/things my older DD wants to do.

So keen to hear any tips!

It's usually their hormones, my approach was to give lots of love and understanding, and sympathise about feeling rubbish, it's like really bad PMT, they can just feel rotten, I always kept my expectations high in terms of being respectful towards me and their siblings, it passes, both of my daughters are lovely again now

It's best to be in a chilled mood when dealing with this. I like to act as if it's funny. They really don't like this and do sometimes think twice about how they've just behaved. Give them time to calm down too. Even adults struggle when annoyed.

Occasionally going absolute psyco workd for a full 5 mins!

This is all so reassuring, but also slightly depressing! My 11 yr old is just an endless barrage of demands, doesn’t listen to what we ask/tell her to do, picks fights with her younger sister or tries to manipulate/control her, and is totally obsessed with her newly acquired phone (which has now, 2 weeks on, been confiscated). She has endless energy and doesn’t stop talking, messing around, dancing, arguing every waking moment. (To be fair she’s been like that pretty much from day 1) It’s utterly exhausting. We are pretty firm with boundaries and clear on our expectations and she’s contrite afterwards but then it happens all over again, sometimes minutes later! Need strategies!!

Glad i found this thread. Slightly diff but i have a preteen SD she's just about to turn 10 and her attitude is slowly creeping in. Especially over the last 2 weeks. I'm trying my best to bite my tongue and so is DP. She's had her phone confiscated as she was actually bullying other girls and seems to always fall out with other girls in the class.
She can be a really sweet girl but just recently that seems to be fading and the attitude has taken hold.

Chowbella I feel for you as going through same.
My dd is 11 . I've brought up 3 other children all now adults )all same father) and really good people amd I can't ever remember them behaving like this. I know you shouldn't compare but I just keep wondering what I've done wrong or differently .
She struggles to make friends amd I can see why because her behaviour is inappropriate rude amd often reactive and nasty .
Sometimes I think she's by herself at school amd when she's not she's the outsider .
She became obsessed with YouTube amd body image during lockdown amd has little interest in catching up at school .
I couldn't take her phone off her during lockdown as was working at the hospital 12 hours a day amd still am but I wished I'd known then I could turn off certain sites .
She tells me she hates me regularly amd I saw in a text her telling one poor girl she wishes I was dead amd the girl I know who is lovely you could see didn't know what to say .
I've made the decision to remove her phone now amd I didn't want to as I think she clings onto it at school all day but I've tried talking to her as a friend / adult etc amd she will listen to nothing that's not what she wants to hear .
It's like emotionally she's just so immature .

Eye rolling . Stomping or banging so loud she knows it will upset me as we're semi detached . Breaking things . Answering back all the time . Interrupting .
We were out yesterday and I repeatedly asked her not to touch things ( we we're looking around a Manor House as a potential function venue ) and it was embarrassing because she's not 4 ! She even scooped up all the biscuits on out yea tray and put them in her pocket .
Then in the next breath she's sobbing how sorry she is . I used to think well at least she is remorseful but now I really am at the end of my teather . Amd breathe . Sorry for long one .

Phones have a lot to answer for I think! Best advice I could give to anyone with younger girls is delay letting them have a phone as long as you can! Then restrict it to certain times and no having it in the bedroom at night. Once you've started letting them it's hard to go back. Some of my dd's friends are on it 10 hours a day! It's bound to have some impact on their behaviour:

Why do some of them have to be so horrible? Even to people they dont know.
Today i had to take my elderly mum for a clinic appointment. This is a nightmare as she is very unsteady on her feet and uses a walking stick. Two schoolgirls walking behind us were put out by us walking so slow that they came up close to our heels and were making fun etc. This could have made my mum fall.
I am afraid I did raise my voice at them and called them rude. They didn't care, they just mocked us.
I know this isn't quite what the thread is about but how much of this bad behaviour at home spills out into treatment of strangers I Wonder?
Good job not all young people are like this.