How independent are your kids in mornings?

[bathsh3ba]

I have 2 girls aged 10 and 12 and school mornings are an absolute nightmare!

We have to leave at 7.30am and as we live in a village with no bus route I have to drive them.

I get up at 6.15, their alarms go off 6.30 and I take them in a tea. They are supposed to be up and dressed by 7 but invariably I have to go upstairs umpteen times, end up telling and they eventually surface about 7.35. So far we have never actually arrived late but it is so stressful! Is this normal and what can I do about it? It's just me and them so no-one else to help. They go to bed at 8.30 but rarely settle to sleep before 9.30.

[Dandelion1993]

My 6 year old gets up at 7:10 we have breakfast then she takes herself off to get dressed.

She then gets her bag sorted and hair done for school (school doesn't allow girls hair to be down).

We leave at 8.

[ShippingNews]

I have to leave at 8am - no negotiation . They have always known that this is the time frame and that if they are not ready I'll drive off without them.

The children are 10 and 12, they wake themselves up and do everything independently . Shower, dress, pack lunches, make breakfast. And no I don't take them a cup of tea !

[Lindy2]

My 8 year old is really quite independent. I wake her up and she gets herself dressed. I do put out her clothes for her. She also likes to help sort her breakfast.

I do check she had brushed her teeth and I put her pack lunch in her bag because it's very important that those things are done.

My 11 year old with SEN is a nightmare though. I have to coax, remind, hassle etc etc to get her out of the door in time for her bus. Without a lot of support and intervention she would almost certainly sleep until lunchtime and then have a panic attack because she didn't get to school on time. I have no idea when this will improve, or if it ever actually will.

[TheTurnOfTheScrew]

mine are 9 and 12
I make everyone a filled roll and a pot of crudites the night before. they bathe in the evenings.

the girls get up with their alarms. They wash, dress, and breakfast independently. They pack their own bags and assemble lunch with whatever else they want. Big one then leaves the house, small one watches iplayer before I take her to school 30mins later.

They are supposed to unload/load the dishwasher and make their beds. That never happens and it's not worth getting exercised over.

The thing that helped best was suggesting to them that if they caused us to be late, it would be them, and not me, explaining to Mrs So and So at the school office why we weren't there on time.

[confusedmaybe]

I have two autistic children that can't dress and wash themselves I. The morning. The other I wake at 7 am, they then have until 8am to get themselves washed dressed and get whatever breakfast they want before it's time to leave. That is a 16 year old, 13 year old and 10 year old.

[autumndreaming]

Stop taking them tea! You're setting a precedent that you'll pander to them.

They're not on holiday they don't need room service!

[bathsh3ba]

Hmm, well I'm right that they should be doing more anyway! I think it's kind of funny how the tea thing has sparked so many comments, my parents always did it for me so I have just been continuing the tradition - for me the tea would wake me up so I would get up. Doesn't seem to work for my two!

My elder DD would probably learn after being late for school once but my younger DD really could not care less if she were late. And I have to take them both at the same time so I can see younger DD making us all late.

[Lipperfromchipper]

@bathsh3ba nothing wrong with the tea thing...my parents did it for me and as I got older I did it for them. I would do it for mine only my dd doesn’t like tea, and DS is only interested in eating straight away.

[theneverendinglaundry]

My 10 year old is very good, she gets up as soon as she hears me get up at around 6:30, takes herself downstairs and makes her own breakfast. I do have to prompt her to brush her teeth and get dressed but she does it without any fuss.

My 7.5 year old son needs a lot more persuasion, and still needs supervision to brush his teeth.

My 3 year old is permanently glued to my side.

We all leave the house at 8:15.

[teenageanxy]

Very I don't even get up with them anymore.

Since they were very little I had them getting their own cereal- I poured the milk until they could without spilling. Then they moved onto toast.

School days they get up at 7 and have a quick snuggle with us, get dressed and go downstairs.
Always dressed before downstairs as for some reason any other way results in chaos.
They are y7&y8.
Y7 cooks herself pasta every morning for her lunch flask.
They feed the pets.
Leave the house at 7:50-8 .

[notnowmaybelater]

I've wondered vaguely about one day not getting up with my children (I have to atm for the 8 year old - I wouldn't need to really in practical terms for the 12 and 14 year olds).

DH prefers to leave the house before 6am in order to get a good parking space at work and in order to leave at 15:30 and be home early (flexitime, he can start any time after 6:30am).

I often work late shifts starting at 12 or 14:00 or 16:00 and working until 22:00 or overnight.

I also often work at the weekend including nights.

So in some ways not getting up at 5:45am would be fantastic.

However it seems somehow bleak for them to get up and leave alone while I sleep, and sometimes it would mean I wouldn't see them at all, if I had a midday start and worked til 22:00...

So I think I'll probably get up with them until the last child leaves school despite the fact it makes my days very or means maximum 6 hours sleep after a late. It just seems wrong not to, for company rather than necessity...

[bigdecsions]

My dd 13 I waste at 6.45 she's up straight away no hassle. She gets ready has her breakfast and out the post for the busy at 7,40. I remind her to take her lunch from
The fridge otherwise she will forget it. Dd 5 and 10 wake up between 7.30-7.45 get ready and we are out by 8.30. They all shower and pack bags night before. I make lunches and keep in the fridge night before too.
Just wandering what age does everyone allow their children tea from? And is it de caff or normal?

[Mummyshark2018]

My dc7 showers in the evening, naturally wakes up between 7-7.30, gets herself dressed and makes own breakfast. She will come to me to get her hair done and then will brush her own teeth. She then watched tv for half hour. Trying to encourage her to make her own lunch, which she can do but doesn't want to. She leaves for school about 8.40am.

[Justabadwife]

Dd is 10, and apart from making her own sandwich, she does everything herself.
Shes dressed and downstairs at 7.30, she makes herself breakfast (either cereal or poached egg on toast) she then rinses her bowl/plate and brushes her teeth, washes her face, opens her curtains and makes/strips her bed.
She packs her lunch and school bag. Then phones her best mate and play roblox for half an hour.
Throws her hair into a bobble, sticks her shoes on and leaves the house at 8.30am.
All very calm and chilled. :) it never used to be though, when dd used to get up at 7, it was a shit show, she was tired, I was tired, no one wanted to do anything, she didnt want to eat that early. So that extra half an hour in bed does everyone wonders.

[Gizlotsmum]

11 Yr old gets woken up and that's about it she checks her bag (packed night before) lunch is made for her but she packs it and adds everything other than sandwich. Makes her breakfast and sometimes her brothers if he is not breakfast club. We are all out before her so she locks up and walks to the bus stop.

[bathsh3ba]

My kids have had milky tea from a young age, don't bother with decaffeinated. Now they have normal tea. My 12yo is also allowed one normal coffee a day.

Interestingly after a chat last night and showing them what other kids their age do, they were both up at 7 today!

[laylasmummy08]

My 11 year old has just started high school a month after I had a new baby (7year old in the middle) she does everything herself independently. Wakes herself up does own breakfast terrh dressed hair etc sorts bag out kit for netball/games. She walks herself to school (been getting a lift last few weeks because of the weather) I honestly dont do anything for her she is amazing. My 7 year old on the other hand is the complete opposite. Very reliant on me and probably will be when shes in high school, that's just her personality. I still have to do her buttons on shirt and tell her every step of the morning what she needs to be doing! Very forgetful and easily distracted!

[teenageanxy]

For a while we'd lay out a bowl, glass, cereal packets and spoons the night before as that seemed to eat time in the morning.

They will cook their own lunch weekends too and occasional dinner if they don't have homework and fancy doing it.

[WWlOOlWW]

I was at work by 7am when my DC was 11 years old. He got up, dressed and fed for school by himself - locked up and walked to school.

Older DC was much more difficult - and I was at home.

Think younger DC enjoyed the trust and responsibility.

[PeriComoToes]

My Y8's alarm goes off at 7.10am, she gets up and goes straight in the shower while I make her pack lunch and get her breakfast (yes she could do these things herself but I like to do them). I can only recall 2 occasions when I've had to get her up.

She gets herself dressed after breakfast, brushes her teeth, hair. She packs her school bag the night before. She usually has 10-15 mins to spare before she leaves at 8.10am.

She is allowed to check her phone quickly at breakfast for messages from anyone who calls for her who knew that be running late/off sick and the weather! 😄 and then not again until she is ready to go.

She is well drilled because we've had this routine in place since she started senior school and a similar one from when she started primary (with a bit more help from me when she was very small).

Her personality helps. She hates being late and unorganised.

[TheSubtleArt]

Yr 8 & Yr 5 girls must have everything ready for the morning the night before
Each get up to their own alarm around 6.15/20
Dressed, breakfast, check what they need, lunches, teeth brushed, hair & out the door.

I'm still upstairs with the youngest DC by the time they leave. They are both very different personalities- one is awake and ready to chat / engage, the other barely speaks.

There has been an expectation since they were 8/9 to do their morning routine themselves - I'm just in the background and help with hair occasionally.

In your position, I'd be tempted to give them the routine, then ignore them and get in the car, asking them to lock up as they leave. Potentially for rewards / pocket money until they have cracked it. Sounds like they are in a habit now that might be hard to break. Get them involved in thinking on how you can all face an easier morning...

[Cuddlysnowleopard]

DH makes tea for me and DS1 (16 years).

DS2 is 12 (and doesn't like tea). He gets himself up at 7am, does his own breakfast, and is ready by the door at 7.45am exactly.

DS1 is the child who is likely to get in the car then remember that he's forgotten his trainers...

[TrickyKid]

11 yr old completely independent. Sets alarm, gets up and makes breakfast then walks to school. Doesn't wash the breakfast pots though 🙄

[BigSandyBalls2015]

DD needs waking up as she sleeps through her alarms, I take her a cup of tea, then shout upstairs at various intervals until I hear her get into the shower ..... she’s 18

[Oblomov19]

It's a matter of principal and respect. When you call them, they should get up. That's it. They are lucky to have someone to call them.

Sit them down and tell them this. Say it needs to change. As of now. You're not prepared to do this anymore.

Simples!
Well. Probably not. But you must action it!