My gut is telling me not to send him to nursery

[MrsG200]

Hello - Im turning to mumsnet as I really need advice and I'm not sure where else to turn.

My ds just turned 3 in October and we decided to try sending him to nursery before he was officially supposed to start in January to ease him (and us) into it. He has basically had no socialization with people his own age this year due to covid and he is usually more socially at ease with adults anyway - he is usually a very polite kid who likes to play by the rules and just doesn't understand when other children dont.

He's been very apprehensive about starting nursery and hates the idea of staying by himself. We've so far been to a few morning sessions over the space of a few weeks and I've only left him once for about 20 minutes and he naturally got a bit upset.

I have a few reservations about the nursery - nothing serious - am I maybe just being overly cautious? I'm a SAHM so I don't need him to go for child care reasons, but I'm told time and time again that he needs to go for his own benefit.

We do activities and plenty of reading, outdoor adventures and just general playing at home. And other than his refusal to potty trained, I have no worries about his development at all. He's always asking questions, loves to learn but isn't too fond of sitting still so I think he'll struggle with that in a nursery setting.

Is there anyone else out there who DOESN'T send their children to nursery? I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions

[crazychemist]

If he’s upset, I wouldn’t do it right now. The benefits are from socialising, and getting used to being apart from you. But if he’s upset, he won’t be having much fun, and might associate being apart from you with negative feelings. I think it’s good for them to have some time away from you before starting school, but you still have a whole five terms. Wait till September perhaps? That would still give him plenty of time, and you could always crank it up slowly e.g. first term do 2 days a week, then increase to 3 and finally 4 so that 5 days a week the following September isn’t such a shock.

They don’t NEED nursery. If he’s shy, he might benefit from more supervised playtime e,g. Play dates once these are allowed to help him build his confidence before he starts to socialise without you for extended periods

[HolmeH]

Your nursery are very kind letting you stay so much. My 11 month old has just started & ive not been allowed in the building! We had one session together outside & then I just handed her over at the door for the rest of the short settle sessions. But from previous experience with my eldest, I know that’s the best thing to do. The longer you hang around, the more upset they get! Two weeks in & the tears have mostly stopped at drop off now 😊

I think kids do need preschool for a year before they start school. As an ex reception teacher, the children who hadn’t gone stood out a mile. They initially had very little concept of fixed daily routine. I had kids who couldn’t understand why they needed to take coats off, kids who would not join the group for register or sit & listen to story. Having to wait for lunch time or no immediate snack was a mind melt for some kids & following set rules. And perhaps most noticeable of all was their stamina to get through full days 5x days a week. So much less. Oh & the crying at drop was 99% kids who hadn’t regularly attended nursery or activities where their parents had left them.

They all eventually caught up of course but the first half term/term was a lot tougher on them in my opinion. School is a bit of bang, 5 days a week, no parents, more formal education where they are expected to sit & listen.

Whereas pre-school can be a nice build up. You can choose an AM/PM session if you want. If they are struggling, you can collect them if you really want too. It’s not compulsory so you can literally choose to not send them one day for whatever reason. It’s completely play based.

Why don’t you just start your little one next September for the academic year before school? Or, if you really want to send him now, look at other nursery options if not happy & you are going to have to bite the bullet & leave him for a full session or he’s never going to settle!

[Dustyhedge]

I was going to echo HolmeH there were some children that started reception with my daughter that had to be carried in kicking and screaming.there were a few that just imploded by 3. If you think that could be your child, it would be kinder to get them used to it in nursery where there are more staff, ability to bring in a toy as a comforter etc.