Feeling down before abortion - SIL is being a bit brutal

[Meganj95]

Hi guys
Not really a question more of a vent really - I'm booked in for an abortion on Tuesday at 14 weeks. Have known since 4 weeks but it's taken me so long to decide and pick up the phone etc. Am quite close with SIL (partners brothers wife) or so I thought. I told her I was pregnant and was thinking about termination and her reply was "wow I'm pregnant too". Turns out her due date is the day after when mine was meant to be. Ever since somehow the whole family know about it (even an aunt who lives 2 hours away and text me about it). It's also been sort of thrown in my face, not sure if intentionally. For examples I get messages like "when is your appointment how are you feeling" etc followed by a hoard of photos of new baby clothes she has bought. It makes me wish I was keeping my baby, as I remember what a happy time it was when I gave birth to my daughter a year ago. I know I'm doing the right thing by terminating due to relationship problems, financial problems, my daughter still being so young etc etc but i can't help but imagine.

[mummyhsb]

Sending you loads of love and hugs OP. You are so strong and I wish you all the best for the future x

[SmiledWithTheRisingSun]

Sending hugs OP

[Workreturner]

Let this be a lesson to you OP, that you cannot trust anyone except yourself.

Speak for yourself
I trust a group of girlfriends I’ve had for twenty plus years more than I trust myself

[scoobydoo87]

Sending you well wishes!

These things are really tough but once the hormones calm down and you regain normality that sense of relief only grows.

Hope your recovery is speedy ❤️

[Ilovesuperman]

Hi hope you're feeling a little better now? You did what was right for you. Someone told me Budhasim believe a baby doesn't get a soul until it's born. I like to think that's true :D be strong lovely original poster you have lots of support here x

[Bunnymumma]

Sending love and support.xx

[Girlofgold]

Oh op. Is your sister in law quite stupid or thoughtless? She should never have anyone. That's really insensitive. In an ideal world she would never have told anyone and she'd rein in her enthusiasm in front of you. Perhaps she is able to sympathise with you (how are you, when's the appointment?) but able to separate her excitement from your situation. You've naturally shared a confidence, it was complicated by her situation. Your decision is sound for you. Don't be destabilised by others. You'll get past this.

[erykahb]

I'm really sorry you've had to go through this. You did what you think is best for your family & yourself- try not to beat yourself up about it. I also would have blocked SIL, she's entitled to be excited but she's over stepping a little bit.

Try not to be too hard on yourself

[troodiedoo]

Wishing you luck is bad enough

Thinking of you OP

[Meganj95]

Hi everyone
My appointment got cancelled but rescheduled for this morning - I did go through with it. SIL messaged me half hour before my surgery slot wishing me luck then went on to tell me about the baby names they'd picked out. Blocked her. Feeling quite awful emotionally I think more to do with the fact that I was about 8 weeks further along than I wanted to be and I keep thinking about what's happened to my fully formed baby, but other than that I feel absolutely fine physically no pain whatsoever and just a normal lighter period type bleeding. I think the worst part was when they put my legs up in the stirrups before I was knocked out. But other than that it was ok.

[Ilovesuperman]

Op - what did you decide? Could you just tell her you've had spotting and eventually a miscarriage, so she doesn't know you went through with a termination? Is there anyway you'd keep the baby? Please do what you feel is best for you and your family (daughter) you're the one that has to live your life whatever you decide X you have support here X

[Biscuitsneeded]

Oh OK, thank you! Got a bit concerned there!

[Birdie6]

Take it as a lesson learned. When it comes to things like abortion, the only person who needs to know is yourself.

Take care and do what you need to do for yourself and your daughter. Take no notice of other people's comments.

[Biscuitsneeded]

Hi Mumsnet. Would you mind letting me know why my post was deleted? All I did was support the OP and defend her from a thoroughly unpleasant post. I don't believe I committed any posting offences.

[Meganj95]

She definitely knows I've decided on the abortion, which is why she is sending me messages about my appointment etc. The father is also the father of my first baby and my long time partner and he is all agreed too.the family know I guess from her gossiping about me, which was unexpected I guess but maybe I should have kept it between my partner and I

[Celebelly]

Christ alive. Some really unpleasant pieces of work coming out of the woodwork today.