C-section for no 3 or go for another 'natural' delivery. Your advice needed please. (anyone with previous 3rd degree tears really wlecome!)

[babyno3]

Hi

I had ds 1 after awful induction. He was 11 days late, I had the pessary, the drip it was awful. I had G & A, then pethadine which made me very sick then epidural. After 27 hours ds 1 was distressed and he was delivered by ventouse. I had an episiotomy but tore anyway. I am 5" 2, size 8 and ds 1 was 9lb 1oz. I was traumatised and in shock after the birth.

I then had terrible pnd where I saw a psychologist for a year.

Ds 2 was spontaneous labour and I knew he was a big baby as I'd had growth scans as he was always at least 3-4 weeks ahead of dates. I was terrified of giving birth but went into labour keen to not be induced. I had another epidural which wore off down 1 side so I had G & A also. They knew he was stuck at 10pm yet I was asked to push. I had the most amazing pressure in my bottom which was unrelenting. A couple of hours later I asked for help as I was in agony and he wasn't coming down the birth canal. ( He wasn?t delivered till 2.24am) They said they could use forceps, I was worried about tissue damage but the obs said it would be okay. I had a spinal in theatre (as emer c-section would take place if forceps didn't work) Dh was ashen as I disappeared behind the theatre doors (he was able to join later) Our son was born after 3 tugs where I sustained a 3rd degree tear with no episiotomy. He was 9lb 15 1/2 oz. His shoulder were enormous hence he was stuck! I have had complications from the tear and still have severe pain when I need to empty my bowels.

I am prgt with dc 3 and are considering a c-section as I am worried about re-opening the tear (it will be 21 months between births) I am worried about having another birth that 'goes wrong'. I have lost all confidence in my body to deliver babies and just want a more calmer, plannable birth. I have been told by my Dr that 3rd baby's are bigger which worries me. I do understand the risks involved from a c-section and have had 2 births so def not too posh to push. A section would place difficulties for my 2 boys I already have.

I am so confused as to what to do. I can't guarantee am instrumental free 3rd birth and are wanting a major operation instead which seems crazy. I feel my body grows baby's that are too big for me to deliver -opposite to what the consultant told me with ds 2 'You can deliver a 12lb baby Mrs babyno3!!'
I feel I've lost trust in the professionals as I expressed concern about ds 2 being a big baby, I didn?t like forceps and expressed this but was told it would be fine yet it turned out exactly how I though it would be.

Any thought/opinions gratefully received?

[Stefka]

I haven't had a c-section so can't tell you much about that but after all you have been through I am really not surprised that you want one. What do you think will make you most happy and relaxed about the birth?

[Jacksmama]

Good grief sweetie, have the C-section!!! My DS was delivered with bloody fing forceps after 36 hours of labour and 4 hours of pushing - he was small but stuck like yours, I well remember the pressure in my bottom. I tore so badly that I needed a blood transfusion. It took months to heal to the point where I could walk upright. Am having a repair of the scar tissue scheduled for Feb. All this not to moan and have a pity-party but to tell you that I know* where you're coming from and if we should happen to have a #2, I have been promised (and will gratefully accept) a C-section by my MD's. I do know that recovery from a section is not always a simple thing (although it can be for some, my girlfriend had a section 3 days before I had DS and she came to visit me in the hospital!!!), but is it worth the risk of tearing like that again? Not for me. Best of luck for you!!!

[babyno3]

I suppose it's the idea that's it's planned, calmer but most of all due to having previous medicalised births I don't trust my body at all. I do understand that the medical intervention probably caused the problems yet I would like a totally medicalised no3 which I know is crazy. I just feel that taking total control of the situation by taking the control away from my body would help me.

[Jacksmama]

Oh, had PND/ post-traumatic stress like you, needed AD's and therapy... I would not risk that happening again. Am ok now but it sucked.
Do what will give you peace of mind.
xxxxx

[babyno3]

Hi Jacksmama, I have been seen by a consultant due to farting from my fanny (I am so by this I have namechanged) and when I mentioned a c-section for no 3 she told me I could request one but there was no medical reason for one. It made me feel like I was whinning. I am seeing my MW fro my booing app next week and really want things sorted in my head as I feel they're going to say no...

[Jacksmama]

If you have the sense that you grow babies too big for you to deliver naturally you should trust that. That's trusting your instinct even if you have less than complete faith in your body. There is nothing wrong with opting for a C-section if your previous two births have already left you mangled. ou are not looking for an easy way out (as you said, major surgery!!) - you're looking to do the best thing for you and baby #3.

[babyno3]

booking app!

[FloriaTosca]

I'm not in the least surprised you want an elective C-section.
I think if you give your points as succinctly to your consultant as you have to us he will probably agree to an elective C which will relieve you of all the worry and pressure for the rest of your pregnancy, and a relaxed and happy pregnancy is more likely to healthy one...if you change your mind towards the end and decide that this lo isnt as big as his/her brothers and you think you could cope you can always cancel the planned op.

[Jacksmama]

Bullshit on C/S not being necessary. If you've had so much physical trauma that your fanny's doing what your butt is supposed to there is every reason to spare yourself further trauma. Did you happen to mention the pain with BM's? G*d, MD's can be such fuckwits.

[babyno3]

That's what I think, we would have to have help for 6 weeks as we don't have family that can help so it's not an easy option.
It'll be the beginning of ds 1's summer holiday and he'll have 9 weeks off whilst I can't drive!

I was always adamant should we have no 3 that I would want a c-section now it's happening I've suddenly got confused!

[Jacksmama]

I guess now it's real vs hypothetical, so it's natural for you to be confused. And it should be considered carefully as it's not like we're talking about a hangnail. But I really believe that you should have the option of a C/S. And as Floria said, if this baby turns out to be smaller than the other two, you can always cancel the section.
BTW - I had a few booing appt's... boo-hooing, that is, after...

[Stefka]

Sod what they think - so what if they think it isn't necessary. You think it is and that is what really counts. They are not the ones who went through what you did and they don't have to deliver this next baby - you do. I think you are entitled to make the decision for yourself based on what you believe will be best for you and if they think you are whining then sod them.

[kitkat9]

my god, you could be me...I am due no3 in about 4 weeks and have been constantly debating whether or not to ask for a section..

I had a similarly dreadful delivery with ds1, (8lb 14oz) he got stuck, ventouse, 3rd degree tearing etc etc etc - I too felt totally traumatised after the birth and it took me months to physically recover. With dd, (8lb 7oz - 15 days early) my epidural came out of my back so she was delivered with no pain relief and it was extremely hard, but I didn't tear too badly and was much quicker recovering. Which was good, but I still detested every moment of my labour.

However, this pg I have had awful SPD, been in almost constant pain, to the point of tears most days, and the thought of going through labour and delivery again fills me with utter horror and dread. I just am exhausted, and sore, where would I find the energy to do it?

I have a meeting with a senior OB/GYN next week to discuss having an elective CS, and as I'm in America I'm pretty sure they'll give me one without any problem...it's taken me a long time to come to this decision but I feel that the weight has been taken off my shoulders, I can schedule a date, it will be calm, I won't be freaking out for the next 4 weeks...(this is if they agree to it!).

[babyno3]

I had a barium enema and a scan to see if there was a fistula (sp?) and as there wasn't they don't seem interested. I was referred to a general surgeon but haven't heard anything since. That was 5 months ago.

The farting is not often but it still happens and the pains have been more recent though it was always uncomfortable just before I needed to go. I am doubled up now and it's a 'hold your breath as it hurts so much' kind of pain.

I was told just after giving birth that I would be checked at 6 weeks at the hospital, then the consultant (different one) who saw me the next day said 12 weeks then the midwife who discharged me said that they don't see you at all as they figure you'll come back if there's a problem.

No-one checked my tear. I was referred to the consultant at my 6 week check due to these problems. (At that time I was still incontinant (sp sorry) of faeces which was God awful)

[mummy2t]

usually i am all for natural births but honey get the bloody c section xxxx

[jabberwocky]

OMG, definitely a section! I had PTSD following a traumatic birth with ds1. Cue lovely planned section with ds2. Don't set yourself up for another bad experience.

[Jacksmama]

Oh, I had the faecal incontinence too!! There is nothing that's ever brought me down so low... I had a couple of days of diarrhoea when DS was 6 weeks old and I had to wear incontinence diapers to leave the house. I still get a bit scared to leave the house when I have a stomach bug.
And the sad thing is it could all have been avoided, but DS's delivery was badly mismanaged by my midwife. I so feel for you!!! Good luck kitkat9, I'm sure you can have a section with your history. That was the first thing out of my MD's mouth when she saw me after.

[zebedee1]

babyno3 you do what you need to do to have the birth you want.

[babyno3]

Have to say this is what I'm thinking.

-What can go wrong now!

[Jacksmama]

Hope you feel a bit better babyno3, big (((((hugs)))))

[Dalrymps]

Having suffered a 3rd degree tear I know exactly where you're coming from. Thankfully mine has healed well but if I was still having the problems you describe from it after this length of time I think I would want a c section too.

I know that a c section is major surgery and I woud usually say that i'd rather risk tearing than go through that but i think your situation is different, you've already had 2 tears, you're still not back to 'normal' and stil suffering.

I would be thinking from the point of view that you don't want to make things worse than they already are 'down there'. I really feel for you, it's bad enough having the problem of passing wind from the wrong place and having pain when needing to empty your bowels .

As you've said, these are not the only factors to consider, there is also the fact you grow large babies and previously had pnd.

I don't think a c section is an easy option but in your circumstances I would sa it seems to be the best option for you. As floria said, you can always change your mind.

One more thing, please don't think you are whining, no such thing, you have really been through it and at the end of the day this is your body and you have to live with whatever happens, not the docs who are 'advising' you. Tell them to naff off if they don't agree it's necessary, it doesn't matter what they think anyway!

[babyno3]

Jacksmama
I remember running to the loo and not making it which I have to say was one of the most upsetting things I have ever experienced. I had to take spare knickers out (for me!!!) for weeks after. I didn't get any warning just 'I need to go NOW' oh dear, I have.

[Jacksmama]

So what you do before you go to your booking appointment is write all our names down on a piece of paper and if they give you any crap, wave the piece of paper and say These women all agree with me so sod off and let me have my section!!!

[SpecialOffer]

I had a terrible birth with my ds (16months), had a 4th degree tear. Year of physio to help me heal - and I haven't had half of the problems you have had.

I am at the moment weighing up an elective cs or to try and get the natural birth I have always dreamed of. Everyone is recommending a cs, but I know I need to reach that decision myself for it to be the relaxing experience that I want (IFYSWIM?)

Good luck in making your decision, they will give you a cs - no problems if its what you want!!