Whats it like juggling a baby with a 2 yr old????

[jackamolsmum]

Ok here goes- have just found out that I am pregnant surprisingly quickly - (we only made the decision 2 weeks ago to have another). I thought it would take much longer TC. I've just done my dates and worked out that the new baby will arrive pretty much the same week as my ds's 2nd bday! Can anyone fill me in on life with a 2 yr old and baby?

I'm very happy about the pregnancy but slightly apprehensive and mildly scared about the prospect of juggling 2 under 2!

[melpomene]

My dd2 arrived 5 days before dd1's 2nd birthday. I prepared dd1 beforehand using this book, which is great. I was expecting it to be tough having a 2yr old plus baby, but it was actually much easier than I thought it would be. Newborns sleep so much (in the day, at least!) so it's possible to find time for the toddler.

If you know that you are going to have a CS then it's a good idea to train the older one to climb into their pushchair, car seat and highchair/dining seat by themselves beforehand, so they aren't reliant on being lifted.

I used a Huggababy sling for dd2, which made it a lot easier to get out and to do activities with dd1. DD2 could sleep (and bf) in the sling. I also enrolled dd1 as a helper (bringing nappies, singing to dd2 etc). Staying active and getting out and about really helped. If you can afford it, it's also nice if the older one can have 1 or 2 sessions per week at playgroup/nursery/CM (especially if they were doing that before the baby arrived). That gives a bit of breathing space for you, time to bond with the baby.

Of course there are manic moments; I remember one occasion when dd2 had a leaky nappy, I stripped her naked on the changing mat and she did a wee all over herself, and then I realised that dd1 had pooed in her nappy and stuck her hands into it. So I had to decide whom to deal with first - dd2 lying naked in a pool of urine, or dd1 heading towards our sofa with poo-covered hands. Then the doorbell rang...

The toughest time was when dd2 learned to crawl; dd1 saw her as a threat and became quite jealous for a while. Most of the time, though, they have a positive relationship and seeing them play together, and care for each other, is one of the best feelings in the world. As they grow, they are close enough in age to have similar interests and enjoy the same toys. They often tell each other that they love each other.

[jackamolsmum]

wow thanks everyone for your stories. There is some really positive helpful advice on here (god I love MN!). I know that the first few months will be hard as I will need a CS- but hey at least it will be winter so we can hibernate for the weeks after!

Thanks again everyone (madmumnika- i really loved your story- thanks for sharing)

[madmumNika]

sorry excuse all the typos - should really previw before posting!! got my two on my lap though!!

[madmumNika]

There is 2.2yrs between my DS & DD, and I have to say although it was chaos at first it wasn't as bad as I feared!
DP couldn't take paternity leave and I'd had a c-section due to PE with DD so we enlisted the help of MIL, who would move it for 3 days at a time to help with the cooking, house maintenance and letting my have time with DS whenever DD was sleeping. For the first month she was a godsend, after that I was back on my feet, DD was going a wee bit longer between feeds & I could drive- suddenly life got a bit easier and more enjoyable again!!

Like others have said it's critical that you try to find time to spend with your eldest as they will need that. At least newborns sleep a lot even if only for short periods so you can do play-doh, painting, reading, singing etc. with your eldest while the LO sleeps without having to leave the house. During the mammoth feeding sessions that DD had we'd resort to DVDs quite a bit to keep DS from marauding around the house causing havoc (he was at that age!) but as he got used to me breastfeeding DD he learnt to play around us- I'd always sit on the sofa to feed DD so DS could sit next to us, often we'd read stories or play little games (the advantage of breastfeeding is having one hand spare!). I very much involved DS with DD's care- he'd help change nappies (handing me cotton wool etc.), bath her etc. To this day he loves helping out and has never yet been violent/aggressive towards her, which was my greatest fear.

DD is now 7 months old and DS 2.10yrs and life has got into a good routine (DD sleeps through luckily, so we have evenings back after they both go to bed at around 7.30pm ), although we are pretty flexible too...

Getting out was tough at first, we have a dog that needs lots of walking and DS needs these too or else will wreck the house (bless) so I found a sling for the baby best- DS is a great walker (I trained him during last months of pregnancy by walking for 30 miins each day with the dog, which worked well!!) so we rarely use a pushchair (only when going into town for shopping). Now DD is in a backpack which is even more comfortable and still leaves my hands free to keep a tight hold of DS' hand!

There are certainly many days where it seems like utter chaos, or takes HOURS to get out of the house (still doing 2 lots of nappies etc.)- and it's taken me a while to not worry about how messy the house is! But watching the two of them together makes it so worth while- DD just adores DS, and he's pretty enamoured with her too. I know they'll fight at times (already she's after all his cars etc. so the word "share" is being used A LOT!) but hopefully their closeness will last.

Good Luck!! And enlist the help of as many people as possible in the first couple of months!

[disneystar]

the age gap between 2 of my boys is 12 mths it was hard gettin into the routine but once there fine the funny thing is they always seemed to sleep at the same time fill there nappies at the same time they were so intune with each other weird there 7 and 6 now and like chalk and cheese but fantastic when they were younger i sure needed me time though albeit hairdressers going out for coffe/lunch whatever some adult time i think is good made me feel im still a person not just a mum im expecting my 7th in july and cant wait people think im mad but as someone already said on here dont worry if plans you have made go wrong improvise and do something else instead im a stickler for routines it works for us maybe not for others but once established its ok but just have fun with your kids i find if i laugh so do they (unless there having a grumpy half hour )

[accessorizequeen]

Oh, I'm glad I found this, I've just found I'm pg again with no.3 and ds2 will only be 22 months. There's 3 years b/t ds1 and ds2 whereas ds2 isn't even walking yet so I'm wondering what on earth I'll be doing with him whilst endlessly feeding the baby. Plus school runs to fit in as ds1 starts school a few weeks before I'm due. I'm finding it hard to feel positive about the new baby, just thinking of ALL the work (2 in cloth etc). Although actually my 2 are 3 years apart and are v.close so I can only hope it will be better. I should know better, but it's different every time.

[constancereader]

What a lovely post Prettycandles.

I am expecting my second in October when ds1 will be 19 months. My main worry is that ds has only slept through the night once or twice, I can't imagine what sleepless nights with two will be like.

I still can't wait though

[JODIEhavingababy]

Here Here jackamolsmum, some great advice I can take on board! This is why I love MN! Feel abit better about it now (not that I can do anything about it now!)

Re buggies, I couldn't resist and have bought a P&T and I'm already using it! Best thing ever! I will try the slingt thing too, but think that if we have a hot summer, baby will be best off with some 'breathing space'

[jackamolsmum]

Thanks everyone for your advice- some really helpful advice here.

Prettycandles your comments really touched me- am hoping that they will be good friends. My ds is a gentle soul so hopefully will take to being the big brother well.

I'll start getting him in training with the book holding too!

[debinaustria]

Good advice from Pretty candles re the book holding.

I had 23 months between my 2 boys, this time there'll be 6 and 8 years!! It was difficult going from 1 to 2 but the baby was easy. Organisation obviously helps and on a good day I would prepare snacks fro ds1 and a mini packed lunch so that if baby was feeding at critical times food was ready which helped.

I had a double buggy and it was invaluable for me, to get them strapped in and out of the house. Just to walk into town for a pint of milk helped to clear my head!!

Thankfully ds1 was still having an afternoon nap when ds2 was small so when he went down I also lay down with ds2 and fed him and had a nap myself rather than rushing round trying to do housework!!

It was all worth it - they are very close now .

[PrettyCandles]

BTW, get your ds used to sitting next to you and holding the book while you read to him. A cushion on his lap can help him balance the book. This will make it much easier for you to read to him while feeding the baby. If you don't have to hold the book, then you have one hand free to cuddle him, adjust latch, scratch nose, etc. It worked very well for us.

[DiscoDizzy]

Haven't read thread, but for me it was not much fun. For me after the first 2 yrs it got better, however my circumstances made it harder - no support from DH who'd just started a new business, no support from elderly parents, no car to get out of the house with. All this has changed now.

[PrettyCandles]

Remember that all the baby needs is milk and love, but that the toddler needs Mummy. I did not take on board this simple advice from my excellent HV, and lived to regret it. Don't split the burden along the obvious lines of mum taking the baby and dad takig the older child. It may seem like a good thing, that the older child gets a lot of concentrated attention from dad, and doesnt' get the baby pushed in his face, but it doesn't work out that way in the long run. My relationship with my 1st child completely disintegrated, and it took a lot of hard work to rebuild our relationship.

BTW, I have a just-over-2y gap between 2 of mine, and a just-under-4y gap to the next baby - the 2y gap was much easier to manage than the bigger gap.

It may seem scarey now, but when you see your baby smiling for his or her big brother, when you see your boy doing his toddler-best to make his baby laugh, when you see how gently those clumsy pudgy fingers can hold tiny delicate hands, when you see how your big boy is both fantastically mature and yet still a baby...you'll know it will all be fine.

Congratulations

[PetitFilou1]

Hard but it gets better (I had a 19 month age gap) and although my two fight a lot they also play together a lot. After the first year it got much easier.

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

We had an 18 month age gap and got away without a double buggy until ds was 10 months, when we got a Phil & Ted and quite frankly wished we'd got it a lot sooner!
I think you can start off with a sling quite easily because newborns like being close to you and they don't weigh an awful lot, but sooner or later they get heavy. You might find with a 2 year gap you can do without, though, esp if your ds likes walking and is prepared to ride on a buggy board.

[jackamolsmum]

was thinking of using a sling to get round the double buggy issue- has anyone had any success with this with this?

[jackamolsmum]

by the look of that thread- Sainsbury's shares in rose are going to go up by November (after my DD lol). yikes. My one consolation is that DS is a good sleeper...now if he can only sleep through a crying baby....

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

It's hard work, fun, and different from only having the one or having them further apart.
You will become very good at working out what elements of babycare are essential and which are unimportant. You will find entertaining the baby a doddle because they have a big brother to watch. You will be tired. It will be noisy. Some days their nappy changes will be perfectly synchronised, other days you will feel like you are changing a nappy every half hour.
You will be very very happy when they play together, and surprised how soon this starts happening.

[Nemoandthefishes]

oh and try to get out for a walk a couple of days a week to clear the cobwebs. I remember really stressing when each dd was due but it was fine and easier than I expected

[Nemoandthefishes]

you will be fine just dont plan too much and take it a day at a time,

[daisyhun]

I need to join that thread too - DC2 due when DD will be 17 months. V scared at the prospect (but happy too!)!

[spugs]

shall let you know in approx 5 weeks time! dd2 will be a month of her 2nd birthday!

[OrmIrian]

Very dangerous I would say. Start off with something easier like flaming brands or knives....



Actually I found it hard when we went out anywhere. My eldest was 2.3 when DD was born and it was difficult. He was a very energetic child and hard to control. I used to dread going out with them both.

And I found it hard that I couldn't spend as much time playing with him as I had done. But as soon as she was able to sit up and communicate with him it got easier. She stopped being a pointless lump and started being a companion.

[jackamolsmum]

Thanks- i'll do that. Am hoping that they'll be good friends- its just the potty training and feeding all through day that scares me somewhat! (If memory serves- I seemed to have my ds constantly on my boob for 6 months lol).