Next to me crib? Partner says it's lazy!

[Butterflies12]

Hi,
I'm wondering if anyone has any advice about a next to me crib. I am 5 months pregnant and think a next to me crib would be lovely because you are close to baby, can't easily pick them up without getting out of bed and they know you are close. I'm also likely to have a c section so think a next to me would be easier to reach baby. My partner has said his sister is going to buy us a moses basket. When I said that was kind but I would prefer to choose myself and want a next to me crib, he said that they are just lazy and who can't be bothered to get out of bed and walk a few steps to their baby. He also said he thinks they sound dangerous. Has anyone got any advice/experience to share? It's our first baby so I don't.

[Sneezymcsneezy]

I just had the cot next to my bed with a slight gap in the middle so I can walk on between, to be honest it was fine as I didn't want to buy another product and our room is big enough. We could technically push it against our bed, remove the rail and adjust the height of the mattress to match our bed but it would have been difficult for me to get our. Having a next to me is certainly not lazy, it's popular for a reason and when you're in the thick of it, you'll sell your husband for anything that will make your life easier

[gertrudemortimer]

Next 2 me crib are great I had one. I found it very very difficult to use as intended after a section as I felt like I basically had to do a sit up in bed to get to the baby. I used it as a normal crib until my stomach healed. I really liked ours and felt like it was one of the few things I got my moneys worth from. Resale wasn't bad either.

[Greenolivetrees]

Please, please, please let him do all the night feedings?

[happysingleversary]

Babies want one thing
to be with their mother
to feel safe
otherwise they cry in waking and they wake frequently as that’s natural

why does he want to make life difficult for him, you and the baby?

[Takeitonthechin]

And how many times has your husband been pregnant!
Get what you want, sod him, tell him baby can be at the side of him and he can do all the night time soothing etc, bet he soon changes his mind.

[sashh]

If he had a major surgery would he want to be getting out of bed every hour or so?

You might not be able to get out of bed, he is an arse.

Can you borrow one of those dolls that behaves like a baby and leave him home with it for the weekend?

[endofthelinefinally]

I had my babies 30 years ago and looking back I wish I had had something like a "next to me" crib. It would have made life so much easier.
Your partner is speaking from a complete lack of knowledge and experience.
Hopefully he will wise up a bit once baby is here and will be suitably embarrassed.
It will be useful to have a moses basket downstairs, however, it will only be useable for a few months, then you either store nappies or toys in it / put it in the loft / lend it to someone.

[HelloBunny]

My baby had to be rocked all the time, my hand was just moving independently of me while I was half asleep. Luckily someone had given me a rocking stand for the basket.
Next2Me sounds great, especially with the incline. I’m sure my baby would have benefited from that, with colic. Let the sister get the basket, use it during the daytime.
Your DH will soon realise that the baby will dictate what happens...

[Tropicaliyes]

Our son is due in July and we got our Next2Me crib delivered last week ready for the right time! My partner has never said anything about my want for a side crib, just asked if I had any ideas what I wanted and when I wanted to get it.. I decided since I’m now past viability point it’s best to at least have it here just incase instead or worrying if the baby comes early and we haven’t gotten ready yet!

May I also add, besides the obvious, what’s the difference between putting a Moses basket next to the bed or a next2me attached or near the bed? Clearly they are two very different products however unless his planning to have the Moses basket on the other side of the room (which is ridiculous) they will both be placed in a similar place (so not understanding how one is more lazier than the other) however a Moses basket doesn’t have a side that comes down to allow easier access to the baby whereas the side crib (especially Next2Me) has got a load of functions as PP have mentioned so kind of seems weird he would have a issue with the one that ticks more boxes than one that will be useless in no time and may not serve it’s purpose..

If his sister is already planning to get the Moses basket or has already bought it without your knowledge then like others said, still take it but put it elsewhere, otherwise if she insists on buying the crib but doesn’t mind which then maybe let her know your preference as she could just be getting it not knowing you would rather something else.

I hope you both come to a mutual agreement and if anything take him to a baby stop to see both of them in real life to see each function both of them provide.. like others said Next2Me cribs don’t have to actually be on the bed or even near the bed so he can still place it wherever he was thinking if that was maybe the issue? Otherwise maybe you need to put your foot down and say you have decided your getting it regardless of his opinions. Remember it’s likely you that will be doing all the work, not him so make sure you can get maximum benefit from whatever you choose if he chooses to not do his part.

[Zipadeebooyah]

Fatherhood is going to hit this man like a smack in the face with a brick.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I'd actually be a bit worried if my partner said this before the birth.

Lazy? Of you? He sounds very much like he's going to be one of those men who thinks you should do all the work, plus more, and he can say negative things to keep you in line.

Tell you what, get the Moses basket, but he has to agree it lives on his side and he has to get out of bed 10 times a night and fetch the baby to you. You'll be recovering from either abdominal surgery or vaginal birth, neither of which is a picnic.

Let's hope the baby inherits its IQ from you.

[Billydaffodil]

Ask him if he'd prefer option A or option B:

A) get up out of bed, walk across the room and back again 6-12 times each night, every night for the next few months.

B) Not do this and stay in bed.

[Figrolls14]

Good god almighty.
please ignore him until such time as he has the experience to warrant issuing these wonder nuggets (ie until he’s personally done 50% of the night wakings with a new baby for a couple of months). In the meantime, you must do what works for you. probably will be a bit of trial and error, which you should should be allowed to go about without judgement. All the very best for your pregnancy and welcoming new baby 💐

[Cas112]

@Moni81

I'm sleeping in baby room for first couple of months ...with experience to be fair baby gets up a lot, my partner works I will be on maternity leave, so it's only fair to let him rest. I am 16 weeks pregnant and I got wooden gliding crib but that's for my living room, so I dont have to run up and down during day, just keep baby for day naps downstairs. If you buy any sort of crib, get it second hand as baby uses it max up to 6 months, you can buy them cheaply in great condition.

Please get a new mattress if you do this

[Eatentoomanyroses]

He sounds clueless. Let him get out of bed all the time then.
We had a next to me but didn’t use it attached because you can’t use breathing monitors with them attached the bed. It was still a very nice cosy crib and got lots of use, more than a Moses basket

[trrk]

Definitely go with whatever makes it easier for you during the night. It is useful to have somewhere for baby to sleep in the living room too (or even just to put them down while you go to the loo/answer the door) so I would also accept the offer of the Moses basket.

For the first few weeks you might not actually want the next to me attached to the bed as it also makes it harder for you to get out of bed.

I intended to use the Next to Me in the bedroom and the Moses basket in the living room but my baby slept much better in the Moses basket initially so we just used that for the first 2 months (on DHs side of the bed for the first 2 weeks while I was recovering from the C-section - he would pick up baby, change the nappy and bring her to me but also ended up feeding her sometimes as she had a tongue tie and wouldn’t latch). We did use the Next to Me after that until 6 months but I never attached it to the bed as I didn’t end up breastfeeding (had planned to but it didn’t work out) and it was easier to leave a gap so I could get out of bed easily to make a bottle.

[Scottishgirl85]

I've had 3 c-sections and couldn't be on the same side of the bed as the next to me crib for a few weeks. It's very difficult to get in and out of bed after a section, so crawling from the other side is not ideal when crib is blocking the usual route! I'd still recommend the crib though, my husband enjoyed the baby on his side and then we swapped once my wound was healed.

[PedroPascal]

What a total prick he is.

Good luck having a kid with him, you're going to need it.

[Bunnyhascovidnoteggs]

Agree the moses basket can be on his side of the bed then.

[Bluesgotaclue]

Hahahahaha. Please come back and update us when the penny drops for him.

[Weallgottachangesometime]

Well I’m sure he’ll be happy to get up with the baby overnight then. As it’s so easy to walk to a baby.

I’d insist on the next to me if that’s what you want.

seriously though. This is worrying. The baby isn’t even born and he’s already saying one of your choices is “lazy”. Eeeek!!!

[Whicmhschool]

@breakfastbagel

That's literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It's nothing to do with being lazy, it's because baby will want to be close to you, and after multiple, multiple wake ups, it's much better for everyone to do as little moving around as possible so they can get back to sleep quicker.

Trust me he will be begging you for a next2me when you're waking him up in and out of bed and walking across the room every hour.

Not dangerous in the slightest.

Ridiculous.

Let his sister get you a moses basket, you can use it downstairs.

This!

[PlainJanePerfect]

And who are the lazy police keeping score on parents?

Tell him it's lazy to use a bottle steamer and he can hand wash them with boiling water.

Tell him disposables are lazy and he's on laundry duty.

Tell him buying premade clothing is lazy and for him to get the sewing machine out.

Tell him that he will only cook and mash the best organic produce.

Tell him to STFU

[SleekMamma]

Oh wow he's in for a shock.
But I bet it won't be him doing the night feeds or much childcare at all really with that attitude.
Good luck.

[ExpectingaRainbow]

I was lucky enough to be gifted a ‘Snoo’ which is horridly expensive and uses smart technology to try and sooth your baby when it stirs….I last 2 weeks before I bought a next 2 me. For all the reasons listed by others, having to get out of bed to even look at your baby, get out of bed to lift baby out to feed etc. The baby slept better from the 1at night in the next2me and it’s so easy when they just need soothing as opposed to lifting out.

I have the side down always and will admit the first few nights I was panicky about the duvet getting into it but I’ve calmed down now and love having baby right there!!