How to budget for a baby when you're the sole breadwinner

[Maya1804]

This is my first post so please be gentle! I've been searching for posts around knowing how much to save before starting a family, which I realise is highly subjective. I am in a slightly rarer situation in that I'm a self employed freelancer with a freelancer partner who earns money in chunks, every few years with in idea of when it might come in. Basically, if I stop earning money, then we don't have any funds. We have decent savings but given the nature of my work, I'm concerned that my clients might dry up if I take maternity leave. So I guess my question is to anyone in a similar situation - how did you manage? How many months of runway did you need to make it work? How can you plan for something that is impossible to plan for basically!

Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but it sounds like your partner needs to get a steady job. A family is not compatible with getting paid unpredictably every few years.

Otherwise, you'll have to save sufficient to cover your mat leave on top of maternity allowance for however much time you want to take off - but are you going to be able to pay for childcare when you return?

I think you can plan for the costs around having a child - although it is not an exact science. It sounds like you might struggle to plan for what you will actually earn (and your partner).

My situation is very different as I have a regular wage. However, in terms of costs you can roughly work out what you actually need before the baby comes e.g. pram, somewhere for it to sleep, clothes, car seat. We did buy a new pram but have got a lot of 2nd hand stuff. We've probably spent £700-800 so far and have got all essentials. However, it sounds like it is more the ongoing costs you are thinking about. I don't think this is necessarily a vast amount in terms of food, nappies etc and you might get child benefit.The main one really is childcare, have you got plans for this? If you are in the UK, this website has some rough child care costs - www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/childcare-costs

I've looked at what maternity pay I will get (you might not be in the same situation) worked out our bills etc and then planned for what savings I expect we will use over the period I plan to take. I do expect us to need to dip into savings as we go on, but I am going to set a limit on it and consider going back to work sooner if we are going over this. We don't have loads of savings ( a few thousand) - some might consider that a reasonable amount but not if the boiler or the car suddenly goes up in smoke. However, I know that I can go back to work easily and my husband also does a job where he can get work easily if needed.

You just have to start working out various possibilities and try to think how you would manage. How long do you think it might be before clients dry up? Can you go back to work a bit earlier or part time? Can your partner provide childcare?

Thank you @CmdrCressidaDuck and @keha, I appreciate the replies. To address the first point @CmdrCressidaDuck, my question was more around savings than wanting my partner to get a job! I have always been the breadwinner, and my partner has a creative career which does pay, just not regularly. Not everyone fits into a 9 - 5 box and the money he would earn by getting a job like that, not to mention the negative effect it would have on him in the process wouldn't be worth it. I make enough (I run my own business) to cover both of us easily and save, so it's not really about that so much. Its more about balancing a freelance quite high pressured career with a child and balancing aspects that come with this, which is why I'm specifically looking to speak to freelancers in the same position.

@keha thanks for your thoughts, really helpful to see how other people manage it. I'll look through the childcare link now, this is going to be my main concern I think, yes and I'm trying to figure it out now. The nature of my work means that I work erratic hours and I'm often leading calls that wouldn't be able to be interrupted, but I do work from home most of the time, so there is a flexibility there and my partner will be the primary carer (he also works from home). This should help a great deal I hope, but I'm trying to be realistic in that we might need a little extra help around deadline times etc.

Looking into support, I believe I would get a government based maternity payment, but not if I worked over 10 days during my mat leave period (which I will), which effectively means that I'll likely end up going back to work part time relatively quickly, which isn't a problem. We have some savings too and as we aren't expecting yet, I should be able to save some more.

Sense check here I guess, is it a horrible way to plan ahead to think that there will be two of us here and I'll have to work quickly again, even if you for a few hours a day, but at least I'll be in the home. I know most scenarios are the mother taking leave and caring for the baby but it just isn't going to happen like that in our house. Would that be a terrible thing, would it adversely affect the baby?!

It won't affect the baby to have 2 carers. Sorry op, it's not totally clear but is your dh going to give up work completely and become a SAHP? If not what kind of hours/flexibility does he have?

You’re happy now with him having a creative career and you being the sole breadwinner.

Give it endless sleepless nights and constant demands for money for this that and the other, not to mention juggling your own successful career with childcare, and his ‘creative’ career might soon start to look like a pile of bullshit.

I wouldn’t be too quick to shoot down posters who suggest that if he wants to be a father, he should probably step up and work out how to do that.

I am self employed and DH is employed.
I am in a similar situation, I am worried about losing clients whilst on maternity leave/pay etc.

Have you researched MA (Maternity allowance) as long as you have been contributing NI/tax etc you will be allocated a weekly payment. It's small but it all helps!
I plan to take 4.5 months off and then return doing 20 hours a week which will then be fine to live off, we won't be rolling in it and will have to be very sensible until DC starts school.

I plan to save around 1500 to see me through the 4.5 months I'm off, that plus the MA a week will give me around 200 per week. DH will cover mortgage and most bills for that 4.5 months.

Sorry for the detail! Just trying to give you an insight!

Thanks @InDubiousBattle I was hoping that might be the case. My partner will be the main carer so that I can balance my workload, his day to day is totally flexible and he's willing to step back from his work for as long as needed.
@Thekindyoufindinasecondhand Really good to chat, I have been looking into MA yes, it looks like it might help us. Your timeline looks similar to what I was envisioning. How are you planning on managing your childcare? Really useful detail, super helpful. We have savings now equivalent to a year's salary, so financially we should be fine, but my business relies on my being in touch with clients and in generating future contracts, so I will need touchpoints throughout any time I take off. Is it the same for you? I have a team in place to take the bulk of my workload for a while but I am concerned about having to continue to self generate when I'll be exhausted and probably not in the zone...

A creative freelance career is one thing, but if he gets paid on a timeframe of years, with no predictability, and doesn't, you know, budget and distribute the money during those years so that it's some use to you... That is just very unlikely to be a viable model for a family, and I think the likelihood of you getting fucking sick, tired and resentful of funding (and doing) everything post kids is pretty high.

(I've known so many male "artists" who are much too "creative" and "special" to get a regular job or be expected to bring in money or do any childcare... and the women who run themselves into the ground enabling their all-powerful Creative Work. Just how many men are enabling creative women in the same way right now, I wonder?)

A baby will in general be fine with dad as the primary parent, but it's worth bearing in mind that if you split, he would then become the RP. Are you OK with that? How much evidence do you have of his reliability, conscientiousness, and ability to be a good parent thus far?

From a budget perspective I found it simple really.

I know how much we spent every month on fixed outgoings like bills. I then worked out average food shops and also knew I'd need some new clothes, nursing bras etc.

We bought pram / cot / sling and we were very fortunate to be gifted lots of clothes / toys etc. So I knew before baby came we were stocked up on baby things.

I knew how many months I wouldn't be earning and also that whilst on maternity leave I wanted money to buy coffee : playgroup fees / swim classes.

We started saving before falling pregnant and for the entire 9 months of pregnancy.

By then We essentially had a lot of money to throw into the joint account to cover the months I would have no income. My maternity pay was then 'mine' to buy my clothes or playgroup fees.

Having a baby was cheaper than I thought it would be and we picked up stuff second hand too. But I would account for you wanting at the very least three months of not working ( mainly based on the worst case scenario of a bad birth and recovery) if you plan to breastfeed you will also get much less sleep. If you choose formula then you remaining breadwinner and your DH being sole carer 9-5 helps. You will need proper nights sleep if you are returning to work

A 'pot' of money ^
Not a lot of money!

I plan to sort childcare by working 2 weekday afternoons and luckily have my mum and MIL to cover one each, then will primarily work evenings and weekends when DH is available, so we are very lucky in the way childcare is free.
I will have to keep in touch with clients but will plan on doing that by correlating clients email addresses and sending a sort of 'newsletter'. Which I will create before baby comes and just tweak as I go.
I am under no illusion (similar to yourself!) It won't be hard going back to work so soon but we are lucky in the way we can set our own working hours at least and have flexibility!

Also, OP, if your partner would struggle so much/be made so unhappy by a regular job, then he should ask himself seriously if being a parent is for him. It's longer hours, more drudgery, and more confining than any job.

Yes, I am cynical. But I have seen this type of scenario play out a good few times.

Incidentally, how was he funding himself before the two of you met?

I know someone (high earner) who went back to work (also self employed) three weeks after her c-section. She managed it by only taking high paying or repeat clients (she’d saved up for the hit in income) so she was only working part time and having her husband compromise his career for the days she needed to work. That’s generally the way it works in most families. Higher earner goes back to work ASAP and lower earner does the childcare.

One more thing! A close self employed friend of mine planned to go back to work within 12 weeks of giving birth. Unfortunately she suffered with really bad PND and was nowhere near up to returning so soon.
She moved her return to work start date several times. This lost her a lot of clients. I sympathised hugely with her situation but it is her who told me to be realistic about a return to work date (if you have to let clients know this).I think I could go back in 12 weeks but to be sure I've just stretched it that bit longer.

Alternatively just wait until he next gets paid (I assume we’re talking six or seven figures at a time here?)

Do you mean something like he’s a novelist and only gets paid when he delivers a manuscript every year or two, but you at least know that will happen and it’s a decent amount or do you mean something like he’s a “painter”, who only gets paid on the blue moon occasions someone might decide to buy a picture and that hardly ever happens? Because it does make a difference.

The simple solution is that you partner will have to be the primary carer and you go back to work.

Working at home with children around is a nightmare. Do you have a set office space away from the house or at least on a different floor so you can't be interrupted?

Hi, I don't have advice but I am in a similar position. My husband works in the creative industry. We worked it out that he (sporadically) earns about 2 days a week pay equivalent to mine.

I have just changed jobs at six months pregnant. So, I don't qualify for statutory maternity allowance. I will be going back to work around about four weeks after I give birth (all being well) as we cannot afford for me to take too much time off.

I can be flexible on hours and work part of my time from home. We justify the situation through childcare costs. We decided that it would be better for one of us to stay at home for the first couple of years and financial circumstance dictates that it is him, and not me.

The only people that seem to have a problem with this seem to be older and set in their ways (i.e. they think the mother should stay at home). I have friends who live in the Scandinavian countries and they didn't even bat an eyelid when I told them my plans (other than to comment that the maternity allowance in the UK is rubbish).

To be honest, he toiled for many years whilst I got the qualifications to enable me to get my current job. Now, I earn the money for him to fully do what he wants to do. The enrichment that his creativity brings to our lives is something that I would not give up and I would never force him to work in a job that he does not want to do. We made these decisions before we tried for a baby.

We will be buying most things second hand and am hoping that a couple of days childcare can be covered by relatives who live close by.

Your DH works in a creative field, meaning what kind of work? If he's in films, he probably can't do much about his income. If he's an artist selling artwork, is there a way to make money come in more regularly - selling prints as well as original pieces for example.

For your business - is there a way to keep it ticking over while you have some maternity leave? Smaller projects that an employee could cover for you? A PA to field enquiries and relay information between you and potential clients? Anything at all for a tiny income?

Thank you to everyone for the positive comments. our situation is non negotiable, and for those of you who clearly are drawing your own (incorrect and unfair) opinions, yours thoughts reflect more on you than on our situation.

I will reply to people who have been supportive separately, assuming they may not wish to talk to me of course. This experience has only reinforced that I should trust my own judgement, it has supported me to build a successful business so far, I have no doubts over my own capabilities or those of my partner and I won't be careless enough to ask people who have too many judgements to throw into the world without there being a point to their comments. This wasn't an opportunity for random people with no experience of my situation to comment because you think a certain way. I won't be returning, clearly this isn't a friendly space to be a woman who has a career and knows her own mind. Best of luck to you all

Beat if luck OP. Just save save save and that will be your buffer for at least 3 months whilst you recover and if you want to breastfeed.

@cmdrcressidaduck your posts aren't particularly helpful to OP. I rarely comment on other people's opinions but I think you've actually been really unfair to a pregnant lady asking other people for some practical, friendly advice.

I find the suggestion you have made that 'he should ask himself seriously if being a parent is for him. It's longer hours, more drudgery, and more confining than any job' particularly unkind.
I have worked for over 15 years as employed and did not like it (hence becoming self employed) so does that mean I'll make a crap Mum?! No it doesn't.

The OP asked for advice on how much to save, and how to manage money for maternity leave. Not criticism on her husband's job or to be questioned about how he supported himself financially before they met.

OP isn't pregnant (yet).

She can take from my posts as she finds them useful or not, as in any internet message board. But she described herself as the sole breadwinner. Not the main one. In other words, her DH's income is both so sporadic and so small that it can't be counted towards the household budget at all. That, and the fact that she is already gearing up to make substantial sacrifices to continue to enable him in his essentially non-paying creative work, is a red flag to me.

Male creativity is put on an absurd pedestal in our society and many women go to soul-destroying lengths to enable it. People who work in minimally paying creative freelancing often also tend to feel that they "need" a lot of free time, lack of disturbance and constraint, etc, which is simply not available with a baby or small child... unless you have a partner who does everything. The "D"H with the hobby "job" he refuses to admit is unviable even while he runs the family finances into the ground is also a well-worn path on here.

Best case scenario, if the H in question isn't that guy at all, the OP loses nothing considering the risks. And anybody who is going to be the primary wage earner while their partner is the primary parent does need to consider that that will leave them as the NRP in the event of a split. Some people would be fine with that; others definitely wouldn't.

OP, after a bit of maternity leave, I will be the main earner and my husband will provide most of the child care. A lot of my friends are doing the same and I have absolutely no concerns about this negatively affecting the baby. I will have to go to an office, it sounds quite nice that you can work from home and although you'll have to set boundaries, at least perhaps you can regularly have lunch together and might be able to juggle your time to do the odd thing in the day.

@peggy2212 - if you are working you will qualify for the maternity allowance (assuming you earn enough). It’s statutory maternity pay you won’t get.

For MA you need to apply to the department for work and pensions rather than your work and can apply once you are 26 weeks pregnant. They seem to have quite a backlog at the moment so I’d get your claim in ASAP.

OP - I don’t have a lot to add. I just did 10 KIT days as a freelancer when I was on maternity leave and then went back to work, but I was able to take more time as I didn’t need to keep things ticking over in the same way. It’s rubbish for freelancers because if you are employed you can switch to shared parental leave (even if you are not actually sharing it...) which gives you an additional 20 days that you can work! One thing to note is that doing more than 10 days doesn’t stop MA like it would with SMP - they just do an assessment based on how much you’ve earned and will then deduct some of the MA. So you might still get it even after working more than 10 days.

Also, remember a KIT day is used up even if you only do an hour, so try to plan any work you do do as being all on the same day as much as possible to maximise them! If you can do a newsletter like someone mentioned above and have them to be emailed automatically then I don’t think that would count as a KIT day (assuming you didn’t tweak them etc before they went) so you could think about doing that sometimes, to up the number of days of contact with your clients without increasing the number of KIT days (but do look into whether they would be ok first).