Parents staying with us when baby is born: really good or bad idea?

[neuroticlady]

Hello. I need a bit of advice from those of you who've already been there and done it. I'm expecting our first baby in Feb, feeling pretty anxious about how I'll cope with the whole experience and also a bit isolated as as we're currently living overseas. (I'll never take having the family down the road for granted again.)

I feel really sad at the idea of me sitting in hospital with our bub and no family around to visit. So Mum and Dad have offered to fly out and be with us. My first reaction was that this would be great. But since talking to a few mums the general reaction has been one of horror: 'there's no way you want people staying with you while you're coping with a new baby', that kind of thing. And they would definitely have to stay with us. So, am I mad? Would it be good to have the support and help? Mum is a dab hand in the kitchen and nobody is more organised about washing/housework (hooray) but she can be pretty opinionated and bossy - can't see the point of breastfeeding etc. Also my dh is pretty worried about them staying as he wants to be able to concentrate on me and bub and not feel he has to be on 'duty' for them. Oh, help. Should we ask them to book flights a few weeks after predicted due date and cope alone or take the chance that it'll be great to have them staying with us for the birth and get them over straight away? Your honest opinions will be greatly valued! Thanks.

[mixedmama]

Betsyboop - with me DH family expected tea and a clean house. No one even offered.

Obviously most people are much nicer than this.

[neuroticlady]

Ladies, thank you. It's been great to read so many of your experiences - it's just what I needed. I think I had my rose-tinted specs on when I originally jumped at the idea of parents being there from the birth onwards. Removing rose-tinted specs for a mo and the reality is as much as I love them, their visits are always stressful so why would this be any less so?! I'm definitely coming round to the idea of asking them over at least a couple of weeks after the birth - or possibly even getting them to hold off and book flights once bub has arrived (love that idea). As for being isolated and wanting someone around who's done it, well I'm thinking of looking into a doula who can be around for a week or so afterwards, too, just as a bit of support to me. DH is great at his desk too but a bit rubbish about noticing when house needs mucking out or anyone needs feeding. And he's useless in the kitchen. But I've got to stop thinking I have to do it all myself and be superwoman and if there's no family about then get a bit of help elswhere from friends/doula etc. I don't like to ask but it's got to be done! And top tips re freezing food and stocking up, too. Thanks a million once again. Oh and yes four days does seem like a long time to stay in hospital, doesn't it? I think it's cos it's private (not because we're Posh and Becks but you're kind of forced to go private for tax reasons here). Though be quite nice to emerge from hospital stick thin and with hair and make up done...

[BagLady75]

Tricky issue - whatever you decide on this, bear in mind if you have more children, you may really need to have your parents around for the birth to help out with the older kids while you are in hospital ...

[hayley2u]

i think it actually be great. when you first have a baby your had is up your backside and it might be nice to say mum...?.
i think if it was your dh's parents coming i would not like that but if its your mum then you dont mind her helping out. she 's probably intending on doing all the cooking , cleaning etc, so rally you and your partner wont have to do anything but spend time with new baby.
just be sure to stand your ground about your issues. sometimes you do really just want your mum though i know i did as can be emotional.
i think its really niceof her to offer coming and its not for long