Pretty down and could do with a bit of perking up...

[MrsTom]

Not sure if I am posting on the right board but could do with a bit of a lift. I'm currently 29+5 with our first baby and I'm now sat here at work crying my eyes out just because I've just had a bundle of CVs handed to me for candidates to cover my maternity leave!

I've just had such a huge realisation that this is it. It's hitting me that I'm going to be leaving my job and that I'm losing part of my identity. I'm just going to be known as a SAHM and housewife from now on - we've decided that I'm going to give up work to look after our (hopefully growing) family.

DH is telling me that it is not 'just' a SAHM and that 'it is an important job' but it's okay for him, he's able to come into work and carry on as normal. Nothing will change for him. He'll get a pat on the back, wet the baby's head and still be MrTom, professional with a career who just happens to have a wife and child at home.

Can somebody please help and give me some positives about the direction things are now going to take as at the moment I just can't seem to stop crying. Please tell me I'm not the only pregnant lady to feel like this!

Sorry for sounding all doom and gloom. Don't know what is wrong with me today. Damn hormones

[bumperlicious]

Hi MrsTom - I'm not sure I have anything useful to add but just wanted to say there is nothing wrong with you, I felt exactly the same. Despite my pg being planned I went into total shock and could only focus on the negatives of having a baby.

I do intend to go back to work but am worried about the affect having a baby then working part time will have on my career. Will I even want to go back to work? All this uncertainty really freaks me out. Have you completely decided to give up work altogether? Do you have to make that decision now?

I also said to my DH sometimes that it is different for him and won't have so much of an effect on him. But I don't think it is true to say that nothing will change for him - and hopefully that is the same for your DH. He will have all the sleepless night then still have to go into work, while you can do what you like with your little one. He will have to go to work leaving his two favourite people behind every day... You will have a fab time, and no decision is irreversible.

Don't apologise for sounding doom and gloom, we all feel like this sometimes, and I have felt like this more often than not this pg. I hope you feel better soon, you just have to do what you can to get through things at the moment. Good luck

[thegardener]

I remember having a big panic when it was my last day at work, i just felt a bit scared of the unknown i suppose if that makes sense!
I love being a sahm, it took my a little while to get the confidence to go to m&t groups but can highly recommend them. You do start a new life when you have a child and make new friends aswell which is great. I used to pop into work now and again for a while after i had ds, must admit haven't bothered for 6 months or so.

[RGPargy]

Hello MrsTom.

Hope you're feeling a bit better now after your slice of lemon cake and a look at your scan pic.

Like others have said, it's normal to feel like that.

I'm currently 15+3 with my second and am sooooo looking forward to staying off work for a bit on maternity leave. When i go back to work i plan to go back 2 days a week because i want to keep my hand in with technology and keep my sanity and identity too. We're lucky enough that my DP's mum will look after the baby when i go back to work so we dont have to worry about childcare etc.

I guess what i'm saying is that with my DS1, i went back to work full time when he was about 18 months old and do quite regret it! I do also remember feeling a bit brain dead from staying at home tho, but i think it's because there was literally nothing to do - not even a computer (this was in 1990 - pre-computer days!).

Things will be different this time around for me. I'm chomping at the bit to be a SAHM and know that i will have my computer for when i need to stay at home but want to speak to the outside world.

So like others have said, get out there, make friends and really really enjoy your baby. I know everyone says it, but they really do grow SO fast!!! I cant believe my little baby is now 17 years old!!!

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

[pinkbump27]

mrs tom,
I know just how you feel. My work has been going on about my replacement since feb when first told them i was pregnant and I have had people jumping to take over my work. I am not interviewing but will have to train my replacement and i know its going to be hard handing things over that i have developed over the last couple of years.

I have been told by other new mums that after baby is born your whole outlook on life changes and you won't care about such and such at work as you will have a darling baby to play with instead.

I am just trying to focus on the baby and at least get to watch other people get stressed out while i can sit back and watch.

Take care and i hope you are feeling better soon.

[FCH]

Just found this - there is a book out at the moment called babyproofing marriage that I read a while ago that I think had some tips in it for the practical side of coping with giving up work. (tbh I ignored that bit as I can't really afford to be SAHM )

[juuule]

Perfectly normal. Especially with the hormones.
Have a look at this site
www.jbaassoc.demon.co.uk/watch/ might help you see that the job you are taking on isn't 'just' sahm but is very valuable.

[MrsTom]

Thanks everyone.

I'm looking at the scan picture of our gorgeous baby which is making me smile now x

[naturelover]

MrsTom, even though I am also planning to be a SAHM, and am looking forward to no longer working because my job bores me, I still have days when I worry about the huge change ahead. I'm 28 weeks with our first.

Today I'm also feeling very blue, and am blaming hormones and tiredness (it is the end of a loooong week at work, after all).

I've already found out about a few mum and baby activities in my local area and I plan to do as many as I can, to meet some like-minded people. None of my friends have babies yet so I feel quite isolated right now. I've also resolved to subscribe to some nice magazines and newspapers so that (I hope) I can keep up to date with current affairs and have something other than babies to talk about. I've mentioned this before on MN but I enjoyed reading the Yummy Mummy's Survival Guide as a way of being realistic about keeping old friends (who will soon tire of baby talk) and also old interests and hobbies. I've decided that Yummy Mummy is a fab job title and am going to do my utmost to be upbeat about it (but I reserve the right to have a good cry and feel despondent on some days too). I'm not keen on the idea of putting small babies into nursery and going back to work, but I've found out my local gym has a creche and have decided that once or twice a week it will be money well spent to have an hour or two off to exercise and hopefully get my figure back (she said with optimism).

Depending on the nature of your work, is there a possibility of doing some part-time or freelance work at a later date? I don't plan to do this for a while but knowing I have the option of freelance work from home, even a few hours a week, is reassuring in itself. I don't claim to know how much energy I will have or even if (or when) I will feel ready to do some work, but having a few options really makes me feel like my life is not ending, just changing.

Sorry this is long, just wanted to say I often feel the same. My emotions (good and bad) are much closer to the surface since I got pregnant and I cry at the slightest thing!

[lizziemun]

MrsTom,

It's normal to feel like this, I did went i had dd but i didn't have to find my own replacement i thinks thats a bit harsh.

If you want to talk to others come and join us on the antinatal club for august (Sorry can't do links)

[Annie75]

Aw, I know what you mean - it's my first too and it is a bit scary, that whole change of identity thing. Physically, having a baby takes you over as it is - you feel like a different person with swollen ankles and face and the threat of stretch marks ever-looming. I think the happiest parents I see are those that are able to reserve some time for themselves to do the things they enjoy, so I'm planning on taking up a hobby at least one evening a week - or, at the very least, try and see my friends regularly.

Re work, I think you can probably ask for up to ten 'keeping in touch' days now while you're on maternity leave. It could be a good way to still feel on top of what's happening where you are and won't affect your maternity leave.

I just bumped into someone at work today who had a baby a year ago. She came back to work and her baby is in nursery. She's enjoying her job again after the break and loving being a mum. It was really nice hearing someone talk about enjoying being a mum and enjoying being back at work - usually all you get are the doom and gloom stories!

Okay, other good stuff - we'll get to meet other mums via classes etc and will hopefully make some good friends from it. It's a chance to step back from the grind stone and think about what direction we want our careers to take. And we'll have a gorgeous baby at the end of it - a new person to watch grow up, chat to, go places with and snuggle up to .

[MrsTom]

Thanks Scorpio.

Thing is, I do want to give up work and think it will be the best thing for our family - up until about half an hour ago I was fine about it! Guess it was just the realisation that things are really going to change that has knocked me for six.

MrTom and I are hoping that this baby will be the first of many and I'm planning to go back to work part-time once the child(ren) are at nursery/school.

Anyway, I've just had a nice slice of lemon cake and feel a bit better

I blame my hormones...

[munz]

oh honney ((hugs)) I felt the exact same, esp as I ahd to train my replacement, all the while saying if you need me ring, and i'll be popping in as well. (was a bit of a cowanne really)

agree with scorpio, being a SAHM isn't the worst thing in the world honestly it's very rewarding, the first time they smile, or roll over, or laugh.

also the first 5 months I stayed pretty much in the hosue not knowing any other mums etc, but then we moved and I made freinds with mums and got out there - I only wish i'd done it sooner, get out there and meet new mums as well, ti's also fun, and it's nice to have other little ones to looks at and pass back!

your DH is right it's an important job - just remind him of that every now and again by leaving baby with him and you taking yourself off out for th emorning

[scorpio1]

i think this is normal and that lots of women feel this.

look to the positive and the new mummy identity you will have.

get out and about with your baby, it helps loads and you an make some new friends who are also mums. it saved my sanity!

if you really do not want up give up work, could you do part time whan your baby is 6 months or something? best of both worlds then!

being a sahm can be fun, but it can be lonely too, IMO.

Good luck!