Bottle or breast feed?

[justanotheryoungmother]

Hello everyone,

I'm currently pregnant with my first child, almost six months, and I haven't decided if I will breast or bottle feed.
My midwife keeps advocating breastfeeding, whilst my mum is against it because it'll allegedly ruin the shape of my breasts (I'm 19), and she doesn't want them to get ruined.
My boyfriend (not sure what the Mumsnet terminology is yet) would like me to breastfeed as apparently that has nutrients that formula milk doesn't have, but I'm not convinced that's him trying to avoid night feeds
I'm not really asking about the scientific benefits to either, as I can find that out, but can people let me know what their personal experiences were/are with either? One thing I'm concerned about is having to be careful about what I eat if I breast fed- don't get me wrong, I'm not planning on drinking with a newborn at all but there are foods that I'd still have to be careful about, which seems a hassle.

Any opinions welcome

[Lovemuffin89]

Firstly congrats!

To start off I completely agree with your boyfriend, breastfeeding has major benefits on the baby's growth, development and immunity. Vaccinations are given at a certain age because by then the mother stops putting all the good stuff into baby through breastfeeding.
A few days off won't do any damage and if breast feeding doesn't work, formula is proven to work, but it doesn't haven't the hormones, or antibodies that occur in mothers milk. Moms also produce special hormones depending on the sex of the baby, so having the natural milk which is intended for the child is a lot better for the baby than power in a tin. Although it is just as good and has the nutrients needed to keep baby healthy.
He sounds like he will be a good daddie and the fact you're asking for advice shows you'll be a great mommy to baby. I'm sure you'll both work together to keep the load off of each of you and take turns.

Your mom sounds like a right poodle. Don't breastfeed because your boobs will change shape? I'm guessing by that comment she didn't breastfeed, and yet are her boobs still saggy? With age comes pendulum breasts my lovey.
Breastfeeding won't change the shape of your breasts, honey. If anything it'll perk the up!

It's also proven to reduce weight, and is an amazing bonding experience with baby!

Goodluck my lovey. X

[Lovemuffin89]

And I'm sure your mom can find more important things to worry about than your boobs... Don't let her put you down or feel insecure. You'll always be beautiful and you're bringing in new life!!
X

[gallicgirl]

I've done both and breastfeeding is definitely more convenient. Don't get me wrong, for a few weeks it's tough and time consuming but then it's so much easier than bottles. No screaming from baby while you wait for a bottle to cool. No need to wonder how many spoons of formula you put into the bottle while half asleep. No worrying about making up bottles to the right temperature while you're out, no worrying about running out of milk, less chance of digestive issues.
I thoroughly recommend checking out your local breastfeeding support group as they can be a huge help.

Congratulations and good luck.

[BertieBotts]

One more thing. I reckon your mum is advising you off breastfeeding because she's anxious for you and wants to be able to help you as much as she can. If she bottle fed herself she probably doesn't know much about breastfeeding and is worrying that she won't be able to support you in that. That's a perfectly normal part of new grandma anxiety and in the end, you'll be fine. She'll have lots to advise you and support you in whether you do things the same as she did or differently. And... you don't have to take all of her advice! :) It's your baby and while her advice and support will of course be extremely valuable, it's also okay to do things your way. There are 100 ways to raise a baby and none of them is especially "right" so you need to give yourself some space to find your own way, what works for you.

[ConvincingLiar]

BertieBotts has a generous way of looking at it. There are some grannies who are not supportive of breastfeeding because a) they didn't do it and think you doing it is a criticism of their choices, and b) they think it'll stop them having a go feeding the baby. Both are completely selfish reasons and not in the interests of you or your baby.

Based on what you've said, I think you should try breastfeeding. There's really no reason not to try it. It's likely to be difficult to start and get easier. Try to identify local sources of help in advance so that you can have support.

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

Congratulations!

Please ignore your mum. I'm not sure why she's so worried about your figure but breastfeeding will not affect that. Changes to your breasts (if they happen) are as a result of pregnancy itself. Breastfeeding doesn't cause breasts to sag or droop.

There's no getting around the fact that breastfeeding is the very best way to feed your baby and provides a whole host of benefits that formula does not. Just Google "breastfeeding vs formula" and do some research. However, ultimately your baby needs a happy and healthy mum so you shouldn't feel undue pressure to feed a certain way.

Personally I found (and am still finding) breastfeeding to be an amazing bonding experience with my DD and extremely convenient. No sterilising and no lugging around and paying out for formula and bottles. It is also kind of a cure-all when it comes to comforting my DD and can be used to sooth a baby in a way that formula cannot. If she's upset, feeling poorly, teething, having a bit of a clingy day, breastfeeding gets us out of a lot of sticky spots.

It was not easy in the early days and there was a lot of cluster feeding and painful nipples (Lansinoh was my best friend) but after a few weeks we were in the rythhm and away. Although I spent the majority of the first month in bed breastfeeding (and watching Netflix and eating flapjacks...) I look back on this now as such a special time, just me and DD cuddled up together, ignoring the world. Especially now she's getting quite independent and doesn't like being kissed and cuddled so much.

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

Forgot to say, for breastfeed support check out La Leche League and also the Kelly Mom website. We also have a local breastfeeding support service and one of their ladies came out to me twice to assist with getting our latch right and help with technique. She gave me her mobile number and would come out the same day I needed her. She also texted me every few days to check in and see how I was doing. They also have a 24 helpline. You could see if your local area offers anything similar m

[savagehk]

You've asked for experience rather than facts, so my experience is that breast feeding was fabulous, very convenient, cheaper (obvs) and it didn't hurt at all for me. The baby slept in bed with us which meant i never had to get out of bed to feed and i think we all were better rested as a result. (Bed sharing is safe, provided you and anyone else in bed don't smoke/do drugs/drink too much - if you want more info let me know as there are a few other pointers to keep in mind.)
You could of course start breast feeding and if it's not working move to a bottle, it's a lot harder to go the other way.
And the breasts being ruined thing is nonsense, whether or not you breast feed your breasts change during pregnancy.

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

Something useful I read on Mumsnet during my first pregnancy- with breastfeeding the effort is front loaded, with formula feeding the effort is spread throughout. So with breastfeeding it can be quite hard at first - both you and baby are learning a new skill - but once you have mastered it, breastfeeding is incredibly easy. I kept this in mind during the first two weeks when I did find it difficult. After that it was wonderful - milk on demand- right temperature, all ready to go, bottomless suppy. Babies are funny little things and sometimes they just want a few mouthfulls, sometimes they want to guzzle for ages, they are often unpredictable. Lovely to have the perfect milk for them on tap.

With my second baby breastfeeding was a doddle, getting feeding established in the early weeks was really easy.

Breast milk is very different to formula milk in composition - lots of immune factors, healthy horomes, healthy bacteria, they really are very different. Also breastfeeding is different to bottle feeding - more frequent smaller feeds mean fewer digestive issues, the latch is good for mouth and teeth development, lots of skin contact.

You don't need to avoid any foods, except not getting drunk. You do need to check medications are ok, most are.

A really good resource is //www.Kellymom.com . they have a great section for getting started with breastfeeding which I found v useful. It is a new skill which was different from anything I'd done before. Also find out where the breastfeeding support groups are in your area (via hospital or children's centre or NCT website)

[QuilliamCakespeare]

I've done both and although breastfeeding is difficult at first (sore nipples and very frequent feeding) it's definitely easier once it is established. This week I've breastfed in Ikea, at the out of hours doctor, and a cafe. All you need is your boobs, whereas making up bottles (not to mention all the washing and sterilising) is a real pain and you constantly have to think about making sure you have enough equipment with you, access to hot water etc. Yes, if you're breastfeeding it's all on you but this also means my husband brings me cups of tea and makes my dinner while I sit on the sofa feeding. I also get unlimited cuddles with my vent because he wants to feed a lot (only 2 weeks old).

As for what your breasts will look like afterwards - it's being pregnant that changes them, not breastfeeding. Your milk will come in whether you choose to bf or not so they're going to be larger at some point regardless.

Finally, breastmilk is tailored to your baby and contains hormones, antibodies etc that you just don't get in formula. For this reason alone I was determined to bf this time (my first child really struggled with it).

[reallyanotherone]

Why is your mother bothered about what shape your breasts are? When will she get to see you naked and judge anyway?

She needs to butt out. It's your body and ahe has no business telling you what to do with it.

It's not breastfeeding that changes your breasts, it's pregnancy. So she is talking complete bollocks.

Sounds like your boyfriend is far better informed, listen to him. Just because your mother has had a child, doesn't mean she knows what she's talking about. Mine was woefully ignorant and gave me very bad breastfeeding advice.

Fwiw i breastfed two long term and my breasts haven't changed. And I was nearly 40 when i had my second.

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

My personal experience was that feeding in hospital was a good experience, very bonding. When I got home it was hard until my mature milk 'came in' on day 5 (this happens between day 2 and 5 so I was unlucky here) - baby was feeding loads to encourage my milk and my confidence dropped and I felt tearful and anxious. Interestingly with my second I didn't have feel upset during this time, I just enjoyed cuddling baby and Netflix so I think it was lack of confidence and worry that made it feel so hard the first time.
By 2 weeks I felt breastfeeding was going well.
By 3 months I was into 'bfing so easy, I barely think about it' territory.

Learning to breastfeed lying down makes a big difference. I figured this out in the first week and it is lovely to doze off whilst feeding

[Jaagojaago]

t's a bit like getting 2000 calories a day from real food v slimfast.

Wow. What judgmental rubbish

And I breastfed for 10 months.

[QuilliamCakespeare]

Oh and you don't have to avoid any foods when you're breastfeeding, just certain medications. You can even have a couple of alcoholic drinks and feed now too.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

Your Mum prioritising your figure and the shape of your breast over the best nutrients for your baby is just bizarre.

You don't need to eat an optimum diet to breastfeed. Breastmilk is amazing stuff, and even if you're in a famine situation, your baby will still be getting an optimum product.

Breastfeeding was the best weight loss regime I've ever been on - it just fell off me. If you feel the need to reassure your Mum.

[HeCantBeSerious]

Wow. What judgmental rubbish

It wasn't meant to be!

[Bear2014]

Your boyfriend sounds really supportive. It's important to have the support of a loved one when bf to get through the tough first weeks, lots of pep talks, pampering etc. Why don't you see if there is a local bf talk or group that you can go to to educate yourselves in advance?

I breast fed my girl for 2 years, i found it really convenient- and free! after the first hump. I never worried about what i ate or drank.

For what it's worth, my boobs are no worse than before and I'm 36. Hopefully your Mum will stop making unhelpful comments and get behind you. Good luck! X

[bettybookam]

Just do what feels right for you. When I was pregnant with my first I hated people trying to persuade me to breastfeed, I just think it's a personal choice..
I bottle fed and I will with my next.. Have no regrets at all my son couldn't be healthier & happier
Best of luck x

[Becciilouisex3]

You're In a good position being young by the way because in my experience, everything seems to snap back a lot quicker so your figure WILL change but not as much as you'll probably find

[riddles26]

I am breastfeeding my daughter and she is 10 weeks old. It is really difficult at the start - the pain went on for 4-5 weeks for me and it takes a lot of persistence to keep going but now I am past that point, it is so so convenient. Don't need to worry about bottles or sterilisers. Can feed them lying down and doze yourself, can co-sleep safely. Also, there is no additional cost (except for the extra food you eat!) and it is best for baby. They get all the antibodies amongst many other things from you. If you get ill (I had an awful cold recently), they get all the antibodies and don't catch it. If they get ill, your milk adapts to help them recover.

Your boyfriend sounds so supportive. You can consider expressing too if you want him to give the occasional feed - I did this in the early days but to be honest, I find it a faff to deal with all the equipment so have built up a freezer stash for when I am out and otherwise always feed her on the breast. For those that think formula babies sleep longer - my daughter has been doing 6-7 hour stretches since she was just over 5 weeks. Since she was 8 weeks, I have been dream feeding her and she now sleeps 11 hours at night. Her weight gain is perfect too - she just feeds more often during the day so she can do a long stretch. Sleeping through the night is luck, not breast or bottle.

As others have also mentioned, the bonding is amazing. The smiles she gives mid feed are incredible and when she gets worked up or upset, the breast settles her instantly.

If you decide to choose breastfeeding, be prepared for a tough few weeks to start with but you get the rewards as time goes on.

[NapQueen]

I formula fed both of mine, after trying and failing to bf dd and then lacking the confidence or (tbh) energy to try with ds.

Whilst both of my children are growing well, are healthy, are seemingly bright and mentally where they should be for their ages, even I can't deny that the best food for an infant human is the milk of a human in the same way the best milk for a calf is its mums and the milk for a kitten it's mums.

There's nothing wrong with giving it a go and deciding you don't want to continue. There's nothing wrong with saying you don't even want to try it. There's nothing wrong with doing it, loving it, and bfing for 3 years. Honestly whatever suits you personally and baby is what you ought to do.

Try and read around it as much as possible. My mum was and is convinced that even bf babies ought to be on a 4 hourly routine. She had no idea babies cluster feed, that they should be fed on demand, that more feeding stimulates more milk. So I didn't really know any of this and expected to be able to be in a routine.

If you throw those expectations out and focus most of your time and energy in those first few weeks into establishing bfing; I've no doubt it will work.

But overall it is your choice and yours alone.

[Notthisyear]

A lot of grannies prefer bottlefeeding because they get to do it too, or because it wasn't the done thing when they had their children.
Your bf can help and bond in lots of other ways.
All other things being equal bf will be better for your baby (ie if it works out, if it doesn't make you miserable etc).
I loved bf though there were hard times along the way too. Important to know that the early days are probably the hardest, it gets easier as you go on. You could consider giving the baby colostrum and then decide what you want to do from there. In can't see why you wouldn't do that part unless you had a medical reason or a particular anxiety about it.
Congratulations by the way

[Notthisyear]

Napqueen excellent post

[Scrounged]

I'm sorry if I'm repeating other posters advice but I'd suggest trying breast feeding and seeing how it goes. If it doesn't work out then you can switch. There is no point worrying about it more than that as you can't tell how it's going to go in advance. Some people really struggle with breast feeding and some don't but you can't know if you don't try.
I found BF easy and enjoyable but I only breast fed each kid for a year which was the recommended time when my kids were little. It's longer now.
I've not read the whole thread so again I'm sorry if it's been mentioned but if you are working or studying then bottle feeding might suit better.
Also don't forget that Brest feeding is much cheaper.
I travelled a lot when DC1 was a little baby from about 4 months and I found being able to breast feed him made it much easier.

[babyblabber]

Haven't read the other replies but for me I'd say, pregnancy will ruin your boobs even if you don't breastfeed! And even if it was the feeding, that wouldn't be a reason not to. It's very personal and I found it very tough for the first 6 weeks so I think you need to be determined. But for me, being handed a baby that lived inside me for 9 months and has just been born into the big bad world, I couldn't NOT breastfeed them.

I don't have anything against formula and give mine a bottle a day from week one, but breast milk is just going to be better coz it's exactly what's supposed to happen!