Talk

Unflip

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

1 2

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Dp says I am selfish for not aborting

50 replies

Drinkstoomuchjuice · 27/11/2016 21:44

I know this has been posted about before, but I am really, really struggling, so could do with some input.

My current contraception ended a few months ago, and Dp was aware of this. He started talking about how it was a great time to have a family and every time we had intercourse he kept saying "this could be it!!", so I thought that he was ok with the possibility of pregnancy. I was thrilled at this, as neither of us are spring chickens, and I was unable to conceive with my ex-partner after two years of trying. He then got cold feet a month later, and I went back onto contraception, and then found out that I was pregnant.

Initially he was nervous but seemed genuinely happy and excited. Now I have been booked in by the midwife and am expanding at quite a rate (this is my second pregnancy, I have a teenager) he is adamant that I should abort. He has called me every name under the sun, I get barrages of hate-filled text messages from him, and feel utterly sick every time I even glance at my phone.

There is no way I can abort. I had an abortion as a teen due to rape, and I still beat myself up every single day, despite it being the best thing to do. I cannot go through that again. I was a single parent for a long time with my first, and was on my own with her from birth, so I know that I can do it again; being on my own does not phase me. It is more being able to cope with dp. I don't feel like I can break up with him as I am carrying his child, and between the horrid texts he keeps telling me how he loves me, and then follows it up with a rant about how selfish I am and how I have ruined his life. I am beyond miserable.

I have confided in two close friends, and they have both said that they think that I am being selfish as it isn't fair to "foist" a baby on him, and I should abort and then cut all ties with him, but I really do not want to abort. I just feel so alone and am worried about the effect that the stress is having on the baby.

OP posts:

Report

Boogers · 28/11/2016 11:54

It's amazing how strong people are when their absolute core is tested. OP, you're a strong woman. You've done this before, you'll do it again and you'll be just fine. Honest.

He's playing every trick in the book. Don't fall for any of them. From what you've said it sounds like he's treating making a baby with buying a car, in that you can change your mind and say you don't want it whenever the mood suits.

This was your decision as much as his. Let's put him to one side for a moment. This was your decision. You had sex with the intent of making a baby, and that baby happened. You wanted a baby. That he got cold feet after the even doesn't change your feelings. You don't want a termination, and reading between the lines you're already planning a nursery and all the other practicalities for a mid-summer birth. You're financially ok to do this again, though if your friends' reactions are anything to go by I'd distance myself pretty quickly in favour of people who are actually acting in your best interests.

You'll be fine doing this without him. He's not the best you can get, it's the other way round. You've not wrecked his life, he's doing that now by being a twat. I greatly doubt he's suicidal, or that he's lost his job. That's just part of the script. Violence/threats come soon, as does begging. Please stay strong, for you, your DC and your baby. You are better than him.