DH wants to travel abroad 2 weeks before my due date - do I let him?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

DH normally goes away with a group of friends 2-3 times a year linked to a sport they participate in.

Their next trip is around an event in France, and turns out to be 2 weeks before my due date. He'd be away for long weekend.

We have a 2 year old already, expecting DC2. First pregnancy ended in my waters going at 40+1 and 2 days in hospital before I was induced.

DH is asking my permission to go - WWYD?

[Iggi999]

My due date changed at my first scan - they stop going by lmp and do it based on size of baby (iirc) at that scan - so your due date could be even sooner. I was physically much more tired with dc2, had spd though I hadn't had it before. It is a time he needs to be with you not his friends. Did he find the birth of dc1 a memorable experience? Is he happy to miss that this time round?
If you were ttc he must have known this could happen!

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

Yes I think it is the prospect of being in sole charge of a toddler at 38 weeks which gives me at least as much pause as the risk of going into labour whilst he's away (but the prospect of giving birth on my own is scary!)

[parlezvousfrancais]

Absolutely not.

So he's not actually booked it yet? No.

I had a 2 year old when I was pregnant and, towards the end, it was REALLY hard and I had no complications etc. My DH stopped drinking about 4 weeks before in case I went early so there's NO WAY he'd be going away 2 weeks before my due date on a jolly that he does 2-3 times a year anyway!! I was 2 weeks early with DC1.

Not. A. Chance.

I can guarantee you'll feel very differently about this when the time comes if he does book it!

[AndNowItsSeven]

Seriously he would risk missing the birth of his child? How selfish.

[JennyOnAPlate]

I gave birth twice at 37 weeks, so it's a no from me! He's being very selfish to even ask.

[ChicRock]

What an absolute cop out to put the decision onto you by asking your permission, and actually quite selfish of him. I can't imagine my DH even thinking about doing something like an unnecessary trip abroad under those circumstances.

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

If you were ttc he must have known this could happen!

We were TTC but more in hope than expectation (various complications meant I'd made peace with the idea DS might be an only child), so we've been a bit blindsided. I was considering booking a skiing holiday just before I got the BFP so it wasn't in our plans at all!

[Stellabystarlight]

bubbins you can statistically analyse this all you like, but actually it's not just the chance that baby arrives during the trip, it's the chance that baby could already be here, you or baby may need extra care, you won't really be up to solo parenting whilst so heavily pregnant.

I am pretty laid back about my DH's weekends away, we both like to get our child-free time, but this is the one time in life where I would not even expect to be asked the question let alone give my blessing.

It's not just you it's unfair on though, it's your 2 year old. They are about to go through the biggest change in their life so far and how that goes could set the tone of the whole sibling relationship. Don't let them remember being panicked and dumped with a random friend. And how will future DC2 feel that daddy was at DC1s birth but was off on a jolly rather than attend theirs. For all these reasons I would immediately be saying "you must be joking, this is not ok with me".

My DH had to be out of the country overnight for one night at 37weeks for an important work commitment and we discussed it very thoroughly, including how we could make it the shortest possible trip and how he could get back quicker the moment I thought labour had started.

[celeryisnotasuperfood]

What happens when you turn all the questions back to him?
Are you prepared to miss the birth of your child?
Are you prepared to leave me alone while heavily pregnant and having to run around after our 2 year old?
How would you like it if I went off on a hobby holiday at a time you were vulnerable?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

stella obviously he'd cancel if the baby arrived before the trip! (I hope ).

We've not had chance to have much of a discussion yet, it's basically been an exchange as I was about to leave the house along lines of:

DH: "Fred's just texted me as he wants me to confirm whether I'm going to France"

Me: "when is it?"

DH: " the Xth of X"

Me: "you realise that's 2 weeks before my due date?"

DH: "oh. Err...what do you think?"

Me: "What do you think?"

DH: "umm?"

Me: "Gotta go, talk later!"

[Stellabystarlight]

Sounds like he just hasn't thought it through. Hopefully, unless he has form for being inconsiderate, on reflection he will see sense all by himself :-)

Otherwise I suggest you point out all the good arguments made by posters here. For me though my single biggest concern was our other child. I don't think he's considered that.

I don't want to be 'that' wife and forbid my husband of anything, but this would be an exception.

[TJEckleburg]

I think your conversation was great. This isn't about you "letting" him do anythn g, it's about whether he thinks it's appropriate to leave his wife in sole charge of a 2 year old when 38 weeks pregnant, and potentially miss the birth of his second child. If he feels ok doing that, he should do it. You should probably also tell him how it will make you feel, and point out that you do think it's only fair for parents to have equal amusing nuts of leisure time away from children and so you will be taking your long weekend away at some point either before or after the birth when you feel well enough.

[Whatsername17]

I'd ask him to miss this one. It's not unreasonable at all. My dh had tickets to some big, important football match and I went into labour. He wanted to go as the stadium was close to the hospital. I was in active labour and told him no. Dd was born at 2am. He still reminds me he could have nipped out! I don't think he he would have gone really though.

[Sparklesilverglitter]

If it was for work I would say yes but as its just a sporting event I don't think I'd be happy about it.

My baby was born 7 days early and dh was away on a 1 night trip to Barcelona for work the night DD was born luckily I had my Mum and dh came back on an earlier flight the next day so all was ok. DH only went on that overnight trip because it was for work he wouldn't of gone for a sport event

[Trifleorbust]

He is running a realistic risk of missing the birth of his child for the sake of a weekend away. How would you both feel about that?

[MoreCoffeeNow]

I can't imagine why he even asked you. Of course he shouldn't go.

[HermioneWeasley]

Is he normally selfish and inconsiderate ?

[AGruffaloCrumble]

spacefem.com/pregnant/due.php

The chances of going into labour by 38 weeks is 8% apparently, jumping to almost 10% by 38+1. My DP wouldn't but I became really ill in the end stages and was actually induced at 38 weeks.

[ChaChaChaCh4nges]

I have three DCs - one was born at 38+0 and one at 38+1 (the middle one was born at 40+0, for completeness). It would have been an outright no from me.

[MadeForThis]

If it was a once in a lifetime trip then maybe, still probably not really, but this is something he has done loads of times before and can do loads of times again. The baby only comes once.
I'm sure when he thinks about it he would rather be there for you and your ds than away with his mates.

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

OK we've had chance to have a longer conversation about it. He was thinking largely in terms of immediate concerns that if he said 'no' he'd need a valid excuse and we're not sharing the news with friends yet. He was also concerned that if he said 'yes' but then pulled out later it would stitch the others up in terms of the logistics of the event. But we've worked out that he can say 'yes', only pay for the event entry then back out later if needed without it being a problem for his friends.

I don't think he's entirely 'got it' yet though (or at least it is sinking in slowly). He was discussing whether he would need to take our car with him and how that might be a problem if I needed to get to the hospital. I had to point out that if I went into labour I would be much more concerned about not having his hand to hold than not having a car!

[AndNowItsSeven]

8% , not true .

[Hulababy]

Another who would not be wanting him took away.

At 38 weeks you are classed as term. So, as I suspect once it's booked he will be wanting to go if you've not yet given birth or if baby has already been born, you will either be:

(A) looking after a newborn baby and a toddler
(B) giving birth and having a toddler to find childcare for
(C) heavily pregnant with a toddler

None of the above scenarios are ideal when your partner isn't there for a few days for non-emergency reasons.

[Trifleorbust]

All he needs to do is say to his mates, sorry, our budget won't stretch to it is year. Done. He doesn't need to tell them about the pregnancy, although he can fill them in later.

You also probably need to explain that you wouldn't be able to drive yourself to the hospital in active labour - someone else would need to step in and do his job for him!

[Lamaitresse]

I'm pretty relaxed with dh but am afraid this would be a no no! Aside from everything else you will be wanting to be as calm as you can, and if your dh is going away the uncertainty of when you might go into labour, and whether he'll be there or not, could cause you a fair bit of worry!