People keep asking if I'm 'excited'...

[Skeppers]

First-time mother to be here.

Whenever I tell people about being pregnant, the first thing a lot of them seem to say is, "Oooooh, are you excited!?"

The short answer is 'no'! I am happy and fascinated and looking forward to having baby, but I don't feel what I'd describe as 'excited'! People tend to look a bit taken aback when I tell them and I'm starting to think that there's something wrong with me. I'm not naturally maternal and don't get clucky around babies generally anyway; I think I'm thinking more about the birth and the practicalities and initial upheaval of such a monumental life-changing event more than anything.

Please tell me that this is a normal first-timer reaction? I think a lot of the people I've spoken to already have children so, for them, it's this amazing, exciting time because they know what's coming...rather than being preoccupied with buying car seats and prams and where to put the crib and having to repaint the house, and sort childcare and maternity pay, etc, etc. which all just feels like a bit of a pain in the arse at the moment, to be brutally honest!

Maybe I'll just start fibbing and gushing; "Oooooooh, yeeeessssss! SO SUPER excited!" instead?

[CrackingTheWhip]

I'm 38 weeks and still wondering if I'll get that excited feeling!

It's daunting. I am terrified.

I'm like you and have no maternal feelings. Stick me in front of a kitten or geckos and I am fine but a baby? Not a sodding clue!

I'm sure it'll come though, my DP is very excited so I'm hoping that'll help me to get my head around all of this.

[batfish]

I hate being asked if I'm excited as I then end up giving the impression that I don't want my baby! I want it very much but I can hardly believe it's there so no I can't say I do feel excitement. Also I am under no illusions as to how much hard work it will be so I'm nervous about that more than anything! The thing that really makes me sound like a stone cold bitch is that I'm not even broody. Yes I'm pregnant with a planned and much wanted baby but I have never been desperate for a baby like some people are, I just knew that I would regret not having kids and as we are 33 & 34 we didn't want to leave it any later as we would like more than one.

I know that when my baby comes I will be mega excited and think it's amazing but I just can't imagine those feelings right now! All I have to compare to is how I feel about my dog (love her to pieces and can never be angry with her) but parents don't seem to like it when I compare being a parent to being a dog owner for some reason

[Justyouwaitandsee]

Yup! I am now 40+1 and agree with everything said on this thread. I definitely think pregnancy is far more exciting for friends and relatives than it is for the person/couple dealing with the various delightful symptoms of nine months of pregnancy, preparing the house, buying endless amounts of baby stuff, trying to prepare for the unknowns of the birth and immediate aftermath as well as the changes which will occur to your life and relationship. Everyone else can just looking forward to buying cute clothes and cuddles!

[knittingirl]

I think it's kind of like wedding planning (!) mega exciting for all your friends and everyone on the outside, lots of stress and worry for the person going through it!

I wouldn't describe myself as excited, happy yes, but daunted, yes. This is my second, so I don't think it's to do with needing to get lots of stuff organised, I think it's just that watching someone else have a baby and getting to have the odd squishy baby hug is much more "exciting" than the reality of pregnancy, birth and the newborn days!

[Skeppers]

...and I totally get what people mean about it being like a 'how are you?' response; people neither want to know nor really care! But I am hideously bad at smalltalk and if people ask me even an innocuous question I tend to give an honest answer! I think I may have to practice making chit-chat...

[Skeppers]

I have said in the past that I'm looking forward to it in the same way that you'd 'look forward' to any major medical procedure! I know there's much more to parenthood, but the birth itself is a pretty big hurdle to get over first! If I could just fall asleep for a few hours blissfully unaware, then someone hand me my baby then I think I would be a bit more 'excited'!

[CityDweller]

Oh god, this response to hearing I'm pregnant drives me bonkers. First time round I was very ambivalent about being pregnant. I felt neither excited nor terrified. This time round I'm far less ambivalent, but still not 'excited'! I'm happy, I'm looking forward to expanding our family, but 'excitement' is not a feeling I associate with the 9-month slog that is, for me, pregnancy.

I usually just deflect the question, or say 'yes'. As saying 'no' then requires a minutes-long justification of my attitude towards pregnancy. To me the 'are you excited' response is a bit like the 'how are you question?'. I.e. no one really wants to know how you are when they ask that, it's just a customary greeting.

[LooksLikeImStuckHere]

Oh I'm just honest! I know it's just a polite enquiry and don't mind telling them that I'm not excited.

Besides, I couldn't keep up the pretence of excitement

[WoweeZowee]

So glad to hear this! I've started replying "yes, really excited" to anyone who asks as I felt people were thinking I was odd for saying otherwise! It's easier just to go along with it!

At 34 wks, with a 3yo DS, FT job and never ending housework I'm afraid my excitement is generally reserved for uninterrupted meals, sleep and lie ins these days... That said, am really looking forward to meeting new baby!

[Madamecastafiore]

If I asked someone that I wouldn't care about the answer to be honest. A bit like saying 'How are you?' But not expecting to be told about someone's piles.

It's a filer question.

[pinkie1982]

Same!
I keep saying 'I'm excited about leaving work first'

[LooksLikeImStuckHere]

Also pregnant with DC2 and everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited.

Excited? Noooo... I know exactly what's coming, so excited is not the word for it.

It's like asking someone if they are excited about a tooth extraction, followed by months of very little sleep

[Chchchchanging]

Pg dc2
Am I excited?
Well I work full time in hectic job have a 4yo dc I don't spend enough time with and a house which resembles a building site
House finished
Maternity leave starts
Time with ds
Get ds into school
Get baby stuff sorted
Then I think I can be excited
(I am thrilled to be pg btw)

[Lemondrizzletwunt]

EAT THE CAKE

[neomamma]

me too! definitely not excited (but very pleased) at 14 weeks...all feels a little surreal to be honest. fell pregnant on 17th cycle of trying although had 1 miscarriage at 4/5 weeks and 2 chemical pregnancies in that time so to be honest we still can't believe it is actually happening (fingers crossed!).

[sophiaslullaby]

YES!! THIS is the post thread i've been looking for. Just over 12weeks so started telling people and that is the most common question.
First time for DH and i too and very much wanted bean so we're happy but too tired and anxious to be excited. And as previously mentioned, 9months is a long time to sit and be excited -life still has to go on, work still needs to be carried out. But i can't explain it to anyone, everone above understands which is sweet!

So, Skeppers, GREAT post thankyou all!

[sianihedgehog]

Totally with you on this! I've been replying with "mostly terrified to be honest!", which seems to go down okay - I think people remember that feeling if they've had kids. I think I'd be bloody strange not to be quite stressed and worried by the whole business.

[lemon101]

Hi Skeppers,

I was thinking about this very thing today - I think being excited or 24hrs head over heels happy would be a really weird reaction as a first timer (which I am too). I just can't be super excited about something that (while very much wanted) is totally going to change my super-selfish, free as a bird current lifestyle. It's just such a massive unknown and also there is the timeframe. If you were cooking a baby up in like 2 weeks it would be one thing - 9 months is quite something else. There is just too much practical getting on with life and feeling a bit pregnancy rubbish in the meantime to maintain frenzied excitement!

It's just a weird experience.

oh and btw lemondrizzle your username is mean - now I want cake!

[tindel]

I keep saying I go from being excited to terrified, but mainly I'm excited. Which is a complete lie - I'm terrified about everything going well and how on earth I'm going to get everything sorted out in time. Don't get me wrong, this is a good thing that we really want to do (first time for me too), but at the moment, it's not exciting.

[blowinahoolie]

You daren't tell people you aren't excited about a baby's arrival, especially your own....DH was asked this by DM and he said 'no' and she was aghast. He doesn't get excited about baby until he or she arrives and is born safely. It's just how he operates. I am of a similar nature as well. I don't get excited until they are born safe and well.

[MrsLovell]

I'm right there with you! I ended up lying to people and saying I was excited just so I didn't get any more confused and and sad faces from people when I said I was more nervous than anything,it made me feel terrible. I'm almost 38 weeks now and still terrified of what is about to happen, but this baby is very much planned for and wanted. I think it is totally natural to be scared and nervous of such a life changing situation!

[LiverbirdNo1]

I'm not that excited either. Pregnant after ICSI and whilst I'm happy and pleased there's also a lot of 'oh-my-god-is-this-actually-happening-hang-on-best-not-get-too-excited-this early-in-case-it-all-goes-belly-up'-itis. I think I'll feel more excited once we've made it to 12 week scan (8+1 at the mo) and I can actually start believing it. Not having much in the way of symptoms doesn't help any, even though we had a scan last week at 7+3 and saw baby and a HB!

[Skeppers]

Phew. I've come on here for wobble reassurance before and I've received it again! I AM NORMAL. Thanks everyone.

Like I said, I am looking forward to having the baby, but I think there is a small part of me that's reserving any excitement just in case something could still go wrong (I'm 25+3) plus- as I've said- just being overwhelmed by all the practicalities. I know that you can never be fully prepared for a new baby, but at least if I can sort out the practical stuff that's half the battle and one less thing to worry about once I have a screaming, puking, attention-grabbing tiny human in my arms! Then it's just the psychological, sleep deprivation battle I have to contend with.

comeagainforbigfudge we've already got our babysitter sorted for Star Wars! And for seeing Vic & Bob live at the end of November Nothing like being prepared!

[comeagainforbigfudge]

I'm the same. 33 weeks and I'm now starting to get nervous. Excitement has bypassed me. Got too much shit to sort out!

I'm also excited about star wars. Already trying to think who I can persuade to look after baby whilst me and OH go see it

I also didnt get that excited when baby started moving. It's just the weirdest sensation!

I'm more excited about clearing up the clutter of stuff we have accumulated!! (It's almost looking tidy now!!)

[Azquilith]

I was not excited at all with my first, and didn't tell anyone until it was literally ridiculously obvious.
This time round I'm about 2 minutes pregnant and I want to tell Everyone!!!
So yes, it's completely normal, don't worry (and don't listen to anything anyone tells you or suggests because it's all a very personal experience).