Help and advice please!

[JRWREN2110]

Hi all, I need some advice. I am nearly 10 weeks pregnant, I have been really sick and tired, so not enjoying it much yet! I am in my third year of university and I got behind as my husband was in hospital and I got given extensions and I still haven't done the work, I am so tired and feel so rubbish- even getting up to do household chores seems too much. I am really struggling and I don't know how to deal with it all-should I quit university and if I do will someone hire me if they know I am pregnant?? Or should I try and carry on? I am feeling pretty alone and overwhelmed.

[JRWREN2110]

Thank you all for your replies, it is so nice to have some people out there in the same position! I have been trying to explain things to the husband but he can only understand so much. I have a meeting with the Student Support team to do with extensions due to husbands hospital stay, they don't know I am pregnant yet-so will tell them then. I don't know about their policies, so I will ask. I know it sounds a little silly but I feel embarrassed-what with all the drama of not attending for a few weeks and now I have another "excuse", feeling a little like a drama queen. I would really like to graduate, but I still haven't done the work i was meant to do, so feeling a little defeated. I will speak to Student Support and see what they advise, bit nervous! I really hope I stop feeling so sick and tired soon!

[leanne963]

I am in the same position. 14 weeks pregnant and final year of uni, I spoke to my lecturer and she suggested that, if I can manage, I could get all my modules in my easter. Or if I wanted I could defer the year too, but I am stubborn and want to graduate with my friends. But, if it gets too much i would defer in a heart beat!
I'm sure you will do what's best for you and baby :) uni is always there to go back to next year x

[BadIdeaBear]

you could certainly intercalate as lunastarfish suggests but does your university have a mitigating circumstances policy alongside extension requests, as the university I lecture at does?

It strikes me that's what you need to tide you over. You've enough medical evidence (!) and that would give you a safety net of a deferral of submissions until next semester/ term when you'd probably be feeling better and able to manage your submissions better. And you'd still be able to gain full marks instead of risking failing and then being capped on your resubmission.

Good luck - your teaching team I'm sure will be sympathetic!

[Lunastarfish]

As it's only November could you ask to defer the year and go back next sept after the birth?

[Kakeypoos]

Hi there - so sorry to hear you are feeling so rubbish :( I'm a first time mum to be myself and completely understand the feeling overwhelmed thing!

I suppose the decision is down to you ultimately and you have to go with what you think is best, however if it were me I wouldn't want to give up. I'm still in the first trimester myself (11 weeks) but things should hopefully get better by the second trimester and the tasks you're finding so draining and difficult should get easier. You've invested several years of your life and presumably a lot of money in your course, and at the end of the day you'll have a qualification which should (in theory!) help you get a better job and provide a better future for you and your child. Also, think how proud your little one will be of their determined mum when you tell them how despite being pregnant you powered on through university when they're older!

Being so mentally exhausted for the worry and stress probably isn't helping you either - this is probably adding to your demotivation and in turn stressing you out more, it is a vicious cycle. If it's any reassurance, I have a friend who has studied all the way through her pregnancy and now has a degree in criminology. You can do it!

If you're worried, try speaking to a lecturer and explaining to them how you feel. I know you have already had extensions but given the circumstances I would expect them to be sympathetic as first trimester can be really hard.

Here's hoping you feel better soon :)

xx