URM -- why do people impose extra stress on pregnant women?

[clemsterdarcy]

So

Apparently I have grossly offended my MIL by requesting radio silence for a few days before labour and a few days after adapting to being a family before visits. Message of 'I'm scared now and anxious being centre of attention with such an important task and tales of labour freaking me out' has been met by claims that I have snubbed her and inconsolable tears.

You try to be honest and tell people what you need ..

Makes me think ... why do people go around stating that pregnant women ARE more emotional and vulnerable ... and yet never actually make allowances for that nor adapt/soften their behaviours/increase their understanding?

Infact, it seems to me that pregancy is an open invitation for everyone to treat you like an icubator, dump their emotional woes and impose their opinions on you ...

Urm -- who is the prgnant one?

Anyone had similar experiences?

[clemsterdarcy]

Just remembered another Aunt of DH who on hearing our name choice YELLED (yes screeched) ... you cannot call her that ... do you want her to be thought of as a manipulative whore!

[oranges]

lol clemster - i have an image of you in flip flops, eating icecream, being followed by a hooded figure preaching doom.

[clemsterdarcy]

Yes -- that's how it was ... I call these types the 'Pregnancy Police' ... they're out to get you ...

I have come to the conclusion that people NEED to exert their opinions/advice etc on to you to justify their own choices.

Best thing to do is probably let them outpour ...

Then run away as fast as your swollen legs/haemhorroids/mammoth boobs/swollen tum will let you ...!

[clemsterdarcy]

And then there are the weirdos who are attracted to pregnant women ... who usually follow you around the food supermarket aisles ...


Friend of mine had an old man come up to her (she was about 8 months) and say, "ooooh don't let me near babies, I love babies"

And I had a young guy who kept 'bumping into me' up and down each aisle and then eventually offered to help me life a packet of biscuits ... I told him I could manage ...

And a woman with her teenage daughter stopped, looked at me ...said 'oooooh dear, oh dear' ... looked at her daughter and repeated herself ... then walked off. I was simply buying a face spritz and even had my ipod in ... think she was trying to tell her daughter that it is wearing being 9 mo pregnant when it is hot ... but I'm not actually a monkey in a zoo ...

[clemsterdarcy]

Other examples of rudeness ...

the neighbour who actually sits on his balcony and watches me lug shopping bags from the car ... and as I walk past says 'you look like you've been shopping'

no shit sherlock

would offering to carry my bags up the stairs be too much ...

ha -- now I'm ranting!

[Creena]

LOL at Clemster's friend's old man experience. Sounds almost as though he had got babies confused with cake.

[thelittlestboho]

Creena, that is seriously funny, lmao. Thought it was only me who loves cake as well, lol

[Skribble]

I also hate the way people feel the need to pass comment when your baby crys. MIL is the worst although I love her dearly "Oh he must be hungry", then sits there expectantly waiting for you to latch them on. She does it to other mums she doesn't know that well too. I jsut want to say shut up I am sure they know if their baby needs fed. She just loves babies and is drawn to newborns like a magnet.

[JaneNZ]

Can I just add my two cents worth here and say that I hate it how people assume you will be more sympathetic to them because you are pregnant i.e. those collecting for charity that I have to pass everyday on my way to work.

I realise they are doing a difficult job, but they zone in on me like I am going to feel all lovely and giving because I have a little baby growing inside of me, when all I want to do is yell "I hardly slept last night, my feet are twice the size they were, my back aches like a b*stard and I have piles - please leave me alone".

[Katy44]

clemsterdarcy, in the supermarket car park couldn't you just have shimmied through the sun roof? I mean, come on, show some consideration

[squishy]

I keep getting the same cashier in Sainsburys who keeps saying "haven't you had that yet" followed by "how long to go"....this has been going on since 34 weeks and am not amused!!!

But I'm quite worried about MIL and FIL coming over (DH wants them to visit their grandchild ASAP after birth, but I really don't find them easy company and I KNOW FIL will say somethings that make me want to punch him - I've only spoken to him 3 times in pregnancy (am nearly 37 weeks) and last time, when he asked how I was (I realise now it was small talk), I said mainly OK but the indigestion was a problem he said "that's nothing to do with me. You've no-one but yourself to blame". What on earth is he going to be like when LO arrives?!

And given that I work FT in a very busy and stressful job and DH works from home (amd I will be going back to work at 3 months), DH was telling MIL I'd be happy to finish work at just after 38 weeks to have a break and she said she worked in a bar right up until he was born!!

Hey ho!!!

[CornflakeKid]

I let in laws and out laws visit in hospital then there is a week of no visitors at all - esp unannounced! I really struggled with ds1 after an emergency section and he wouldn't settle at all - eventually got him to sleep just as they turn up - she kept kicking the bed to wake him up - with me on it too - in the end got really cross!

Am expecting no.3 and have a installed a 'shit shield' to reflect incoming unwanted comments from do-gooders and MIL. My neighbour said he won't say congrats as he thought we were mad to have 3 kids! But the good thing about the shit shield is that amazingly as well as just reflecting comments it triggers appropriate smiles and a silent yet effective 'wanker/f* off' deflection mechanism! Would highly recommend to anyone pg and it's totally free!

I am looking forward to the rest of my pregnancy esp to adding new phrases to the deflection mechanism! I fear that at some point the silent function of the shield may malfunction...though would be very satisfying to say what I actually think back!!!

[Creena]

I've gotta get me one of those shit shields! In fact, I wish I'd had one when DS was born. First day back home, DH's grandmother (the most spiteful, embittered person I've ever known) came to visit. She sat perched on the edge of the sofa, regarding the proceedings with an air of disdain and a sneer on her face. When there was a suitably quiet moment, she announced "well, I don't think we need to ask for a paternity test, seeing how much he resembles his father." I've already told DH she's not welcome to visit when this one arrives.

[squishy]

oooh, some people are evil, aren't they!

I want a shit shield, but with my gob, would definitely need to either fit it with a silencer or have people sign a disclaimer as they approach me, you know, somethign along the lines of "I will not hold x responsible for anything that is said to me in response to my actions/speech/provaocation".....

[CornflakeKid]

oh squishy!!!! I never thought about issuing silencers - what a top idea!!!

[Megglevache]

Message withdrawn

[CornflakeKid]

OMG that is so bad! I think I would have lost it...

[iamapieceofcheesecake]

I didn't mind visits leading up to labour, but I didn't want any of Dps family to see me after the birth as I knew I would look a wreck, but after my ds was born (and I was still highly doped up!) dp asked if his mum and sister could visit and I just agreed. To be honest, I couldn't have cared less who visited.

[Megglevampire]

Cornflake. It's like having Borat's Mother as as MIL I can assure you.

[AmieR]

I am very nervous of the MIL & FIL visiting... they can be very cutting in comments at times and their "Know best" attitude really grates me, DH says to ignore, but at times it can be very difficult to bite your tongue.

you never know, maybe the birth of their first Grand child may awe them into silence!

[carrotcake]

HA! Sorry Amier, but I doubt it mil and fil who have a lot to say during pregnancy usually have a WHOLE lot more to say once baby is born! Well done to you if you can bite your tongue, I couldn't always manage it

[AmieR]

I think I am being very hopeful! They're very forthcoming with suggestions but if anything practical actually needs doing they shy away... funny that?

It is good and helpful that DH actually knows what they're like! Makes it easier at times!

[squishy]

I've tried to warn DH but ultimately have said that I can't be held responsible for hormonal responses to stupidity/thoughtlessness etc and that I expect his support!!