I'm 40. I've just had a boozy holiday with a 'light period' throughout. Just POAS :-(

[ColdComfort1974]

I di

[LadyLuck81]

Women don't find out they're pregnant until they are substantially more than 5 or 6 weeks gone. The first two weeks of that is egg travelling and implantation anyway. After that it takes time for the embryo to start receiving it's nutrients from you. Honestly people gave drunk more, later and had perfectly healthy babies. Frequently. Bus you know stop and there's no reason it won't all be fine.

Congratulations.

[PacificDogwood]

Oh, my, congratulations!

This is good news (as you appear to be happy about being pregnant in the first place) - your pregnancy has as much of a chance to end in a healthy baby as any other.

Many many women will have had alcohol and drunk to excess before they find out they are pregnant - I know you have already been told this, so will shut up about it.

[PacificDogwood]

Wrt "complex special needs": where did you come up with that?
Genuine question.

Alcohol that early in pregnancy will not affect the pregnancy and much as certain risks rise with maternal age the very vast majority of babies born to mothers over 35 or over 40 or over 45 are healthy.

I cannot help you with the 'OMG I am going to be the oldest mum at the school gate' problem as I am one too (44 when I had DS4) - it's fine though, hones

[Annarose2014]

coldcomfort I'm only a few months younger than you, and am 7 months.

I drank LIKE A FISH! before I found out. Unlike you though, I had a ton of friends who had done the exact same thing not realising they were pregnant and all went on to have marvellously robust babies. So I wasn't that worried. I've heard the baby is so tiny at that stage (at week 5 its only the size of an appleseed!) that it won't affect it.

And baby is bouncing away merrily in my belly as we speak.

There are also tests you can get early on (like the Harmony test) which show some serious foetal abnormalities. This enables people to make a decision based on facts, rather than fears.

I am at a critical juncture in my career but I'm just shrugging my shoulders about it. This is my first, and may be the only one I ever have, so I want it, and thats that. I figure my career has another 20 years to recover. It may be different if I had kids already, but I don't.

Mind you it does sound like you want this baby, so I would worry about the effects of a termination on your psychologically. Particularly as conception was difficult, so this may be effectively your last pregnancy.

So I suppose my recommendation would be to get a Harmony test and get the results and see how you feel then.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

I conceived on holiday, drank every evening. Went to a wedding the week after with a free bar. Found out I was pregnant a few days later! DS is a bright and healthy two year old.

[squizita]

Every part of having a special needs child surely is thrown into sharp relief when you are very much at fault, surely? Would they even let me keep it post diagnosis? Would they start looking into my family generally?

Just re-read this. With kindness, it's sort of irrational: like you've decided the less-that-1%-risk is going to happen.
Do speak to an experienced Dr or Midwife for reassurance.

The issues regarding your family dynamic only you know... is there a chance you are underplaying these to the 'damaged baby' scenario to rationalise any difficult choice you are considering? It is not wrong to choose to end a pregnancy for reasons other than health (if your own personal beliefs don't forbid it) - but you need to be very clear with yourself about really why you are considering this. You need to let yourself be ok to exercise your right to choose based on actual risks and actual issues - not an unproven assumption which you fixate on.

If you choose to terminate because you say to yourself it's because there are huge risks of 'special needs' when deep down you know it is untrue and there are other reasons (which might well be very valid reasons in themselves), it could create psychological issues in future for you and indeed your DH.

The 'older dad', 'special needs' and 'like and only child' worries have been reassured on this thread but you keep coming back to them.
The fact you found looking after young kids very challenging and it made you unhappy (which to me sounds a vitally important consideration), your financial and career worries... these are almost said as an aside before going back to the 'I'm only thinking of the others' stuff.
But to me, they sound vitally important and actually possibly the crux of it.
This is your body - you are perfectly entitled and right to make choices based on YOUR hopes, plans, life and psychological experiences without 'I must think of the others' excuses.

It is very unlikely there is anything wrong with the embryo.
Putting that aside, who can you talk to about YOUR fears and the psychological pressure you feel from parenthood?

[Annarose2014]

Coldcomfort I just noticed that you are worrying about social services taking the baby away cos you drank before you knew you were pregnant!

You do know that is an irrational thought to have? Do you have issues around anxiety normally?

Because that. does. not. happen.

[oldandhaggard]

Hi Cold, no decision here, like you I never thought I would consider a termination, ever. We are currently 80% negative 20% positive. Obviously wouldn't consider anything until 110% negative. After so many miscarriages I feel like a termination would be pointless (in that it will happen anyway) although I really don't want to put myself through another late miscarriage.

I wanted to talk about risks to me and the risk of defects with the Consultant last week but he had to go off to deliver a baby so didn't have any time for that. Risk to me is the big one for us right now, we will consider other risks when we have to. We would definitely terminate if the baby had something wrong with it though, we wouldn't want to burden DC with a disabled sibling when we are gone.

Like you we are worried about the whole change thing, DC gets to do so many things because they are an only child - whatever it is we can do it - cost and time are not a factor. We travel a lot and generally have a lovely life - that may be shallow but it is how things are. I too can't imagine doing what we do now with another baby.

I have another hospital appointment in 12 days - I am considering seeing my lovely GP who is also a obstetrician/gynae before then. She is fantastic and really nice to talk to.

I think that coming to terms with the loss of our life plans is probably half the battle, don't you think? I did feel a bit awkward when the mothers of the expectant women in the clinic were probably younger than me! Couldn't imagine telling my family at the minute - hopefully yours would be more supportive than mine.

[ColdComfort1974]

Squizita - you bring tears to my eyes. How generous if you to put such time, thought and wisdom into a strangers mess. Bless you. You are of course correct. The cognitive dissonance after 2 years failed attempts is overwhelming. I wanted another 2 - very much. I thought that ship had sailed. A baby now is a totally different prospect - particularly if I pickled it, but I guess I should put that to one side. When I think 'yes! I want this baby!' I'm thinking about cuddles and little toes and then I think about the stark realities of older parenting, money, the fact that I'd made other plans in my life. All the 'baby' stuff feels like I am being selfish and want to go back and do my two dd's again rather than actually do it all again. Does that
make sense? They're pre teens going on beautiful young ladies and the chance to 'play' again seems delicious - but ultimately that would be a terrible reason to have a child. Sorry for the stream of consciousness. DH is the ultimate pragmatist - he says he will love the baby or the freedom of no baby with equal happiness. I think he's telling the truth. I asked he DD's in abstract if they fancied a little db or ds - resounding NO with rolled eyes. Irrelevant I know. But still there. If I had been 100% healthy and nourished, my dilemma would be little different. Our family is happy and very strong. I don't know if I can mess that up. My heart is yes, my head is firmly no. I can't have a baby because it would be 'nice' surely?

Sorry for the drivel - writing to myself as much as anyone.

[ColdComfort1974]

Oldand oh poor you - being careful for what you wish for )or at least putting in a firm caveat on time scales) seems good in hindsight. Can they quantify your risks? I do feel for you.

[sara11272]

At Christmas 2007, I went out and got ABSOLUTELY HAMMERED at a works do - I'd only just gone back after DS and relished the rare night out, I went mad.

Later realised that I'd conceived my DTDs the night before this drunken rampage. They were, and are, absolutely fine.

And I think that having a baby because it will be 'nice' is a really good reason for having one. Lots and lots of people have babies without expecting that it will be nice at all, in fact actively dreading or not wanting it - I think if that's your mindset you're already well on the way to giving him/her a great start in life.

Congratulations and I hope the shock wears off soon.

[Annarose2014]

With all due respect, it is not terribly likely that both young girls will hate having a little brother or sister and consider it has ruined their lives.

Even pre-teens notice the delightful giggly parts of babies.

[Marnierose]

Your probably more likely to have mc from drinking heavily but the baby is supported by a yolk sac at this stage. Drinking heavily in later pregnancy would be far more likely to cause damage. Start Folic acid ASAP and congratulations :)

[oldandhaggard]

Cold - the consultant came in the room - boomed 'Congratulations, we can do this, etc., etc..' I wasn't sure I wanted congratulations to be honest, he is an expert in recurrent miscarriages and I do believe that with him I have a chance.

The reason for my miscarriages wasn't discovered until just before the last one (at 40 when I gave up trying) and when it was discovered it was too late to help that one - I didn't start trying to have a baby until 36 and spent two years overseas so it wasn't investigated until I was just 40. I literally spent more than three years being pregnant. After the last one I had had enough.

Anyway, I am now taking the drugs and being monitored every 14 days ... just haven't got used to the idea or the loss of our plans yet. If I get as far as the tests for defects both physically and in decision terms we will have to cross another bridge.

My husband has the same view as yours which is nice I think. I completely share your 'my family is very happy and strong'. It is the thought of upsetting that lovely balance that is the worry isn't it (plus the career and financial plans in place). I love the time I spend with DC, I think we are very happy as a family of three. I had friends at school with young siblings and they were often used to help out - something I would never do - but just to have less time to spend with DC is something I am not sure I want - like you, we are incredibly satisfied with our lot.

[Stealthpolarbear]

Op good luck. Yes the risks are raised because of age and also (possibly -not sure) the booze but the risks will still be very small I think.

[Jodie1982]

About 1 1/2 weeks before finding out I was preggy I got absolutely sloshed one night, I would have only been about 3wks. I'm currently 15wks pregnant with a healthy baby. Try not to worry. X

[SineadLegge]

Don't be so hard on yourself love! I fell pregnant beginning of December was drinking nearly every week end till i found out which was the end of January and my baby is perfectly healthy at 35+3 week :) congrats!

[TinyMonkey]

Congratulations! I conceived in March on my 40th birthday. I drank like a fish for the following two weeks (well it was a big birthday), culminating in a massive blow out at a memorial for a friend.

4 days later...BFP.

I'm now 25 weeks, all going fine. I didn't expect it to stick because of my age, and an mmc last year, but the alcohol didn't actually bother me at all. It's far too early for it to do any serious damage.

I'm sure it will be fine, but if it's not, it's highly unlikely that the booze was to blame.

[regularbutpanickingabit]

Another surprised 40+ with a drinking history that is not recommended when ttc or pregnant! I am now 24 weeks and all is looking good. I had the same paranoia but lots of reassurance from midwives and consultant. I also have 2 older children and worry about the big gap but they seem really excited and the thought of being able to see them fall in love with a baby and have that baby fall in love with them... magic,.

[rainbowfeet]

Please don't worry you are not the 1st or will be the last to unbeknown to you be pregnant & have a drink or few!!..

I am one of those too.. Was between 2 & 4 weeks pregnant with ds while on holiday... Not a wine drinker but I have the cocktails a good bashing & a couple of drunken cigarettes..And did loads of heavy lifting in that time too... Ds completely fine!!

[Fairywhitebear]

Fairly sure the baby will be absolutely fine - you are being somewhat irrational (although understandably!)

Also, just to add, I"m 40. I'm sat here with my gorgeous 4 month old, and my equally delicious 22 month old is napping next door.

Im not old nor unsuitable to be a mother. I don't think my kids will have any issue having a 60 year old as a mum when they're 20 - because age is irrelevant if you're a good mum. You're assuming at 60 that equals old/fat/lacking energy/looking old etc etc. Well, to be fair, I know a lot of women like that who are 30!!!

Of course your kids rolled their eyes. All kids of that eye roll their eyes at the subject of babies!!!

[DancingDinosaur]

I did the same when I was pg with dc1. I had a boozy holiday, and christmas / new year celebrations. I was so worried, but it all turned out fine. It would have helped me to have known the baby wasn't even connected to my blood stream in those early weeks. It would have saved all the worry.

[smogsville]

Get on the folic and relax. I had some fine old times in first five weeks of pregnancy with DD. Dad's 60th - up until 4am, a frozen margarita and whisky all day marathon etc. When doc told me I was preg my first comment was 'I can't be - I had half a bottle of wine and a goats cheese tart last night'. He laughed and wished me all the best. DD is nearly 3, happy and healthy. Good luck.

[PlumpPartridge]

Op, I carefully took a pg test on the morning of my 30th birthday. BFN. I merrily went out and got wrecked.

Tested again 1 week later (as I was late, obv) and BFP. I worked out that we must have conceived 2 weeks before my birthday.

He's totally fine!

I also had a dental X ray whilst unknowingly 2 weeks gone with Ds1. He's fine too