I really need some advice, can anyone help me?

[WhatKatyDid29]

Hello,new to the forum today so still finding my way around but I'm in a pretty desperate situation and need some advice please!

My boyfriend and I have only been together for 3 months,but it's all going really well....at least until now.

His ex left him at 20 weeks pregnant after announcing that the baby was not in fact his,never to be seen again so obviously babies are a sore point for him.
At times when his guard is down he talks about wanting babies and says if I were to be pregnant he would be over the moon but this just his fragility I think.

I am now 5 days late for my AF and have cramps, lower backache, wind and, most worrisome of all absolutely agonising nipples! Can't even bear to have a towel or bed sheet touch them. I have a 7 year old daughter and experienced the nipples with her also, and it's not something I hsve ever had as part of my AF.

I am so,so worried that I could be pregnant, and if I am what to do! If he hadn't been through what he's been through I could handle telling him and everything that went along with that, but um scared he will panic and think I'll do the same as his ex :-(

From what I'm describing do you think it's likely I could be pregnant,and and if so at what point is it best to take a test to be sure?

I am freaking out and just need someone to talk to about this. If you can find time to respond with any advice re the symptoms I would be ever so grateful.

Thank you in advance for your help!

K xx

[WhatKatyDid29]

So its amazing news,he definitely wants to keep the baby and wants us to make a serious go at it too so I'm one happy lady!!

Now just to get 12wk scan out of the way and tell my daughter and our families....?? haha I'm sure it will be fine, im too excited to care!

Xx

[WhatKatyDid29]

Oh Marne2 I'm so glad to hear things worked out for you guys! As heartbroken as I would be if we didn't work out, I just want him to be happy with the decision we ultimately make and, if we have this baby which I secretly hope we do as I definitely see more kids in my future, that he has a good relationship with the child even if he doesn't want one with me.

It's so new between us so pregnant or not who knows if we wpuld make it?! Only time will tell I guess.

It's brought up a host of crappy memories about his ex bit he had said he won't let his views on her and that situation determine his viewpoint for our baby. He's working through it in his own time, and he's still here so for that I am grateful.

Xx

[marne2]

Glad he took it well. I got pregnant quite soon after getting together with dh, he had children from a previous marriage and he was finding it hard living in a house with no children ( we moved in together after a few months ), the baby was planned and my family supported us even though they thought it was too soon. We have now been married for almost 10 years and have 2 dd's age 10 and 8, so many people told us 'it wouldn't work' including friends who have since split from their partners after having children.

I hope all works out for you and your partner xxxx

[WhatKatyDid29]

Hrs definitely still shocked but has been asking lots of questions this morning about the do's and don't of pregnancy and what the coming weeks will be like so I am thinking that sounds pretty encouraging so far!

Xx

[CoolCat2014]

Glad to hear he took it so well, have you discussed plans? Is he excited, or still too shocked still?

[WhatKatyDid29]

Hi Rebecca, it went ok!!! He isn't angry, just shocked as am I. We are talking about what we want to do but so far seems positive.

Feel so much better now he knows and is ok. Slept so well last night! :-)

Xx

[RebeccaCloud9]

How did it go? Hope all's ok x

[WhatKatyDid29]

No, the baby is not due until october- this is part of the problem it's all so recent! :-(

The ex said when she was scanned and worked out conception date it couldn't be him as he was away with work that week.

It's all such a big mess.

I would love to have more kids but never imagined it being like this!

I just need to know he's ok, then I will worry about me and work out how I feel about it. He is my priority right now.

I am so so so scared he could freak out and I'll never see him again. Just thinking this makes my chest hurt and the tears come back.

I need to get a grip and just do this tomorrow. I won't know until he does!

Wish me luck x

[PourquoiTuGachesTaVie]

I hope it all goes well, but I am wondering if he ever found out for certain if his ex's baby was or wasn't his? Did they do a paternity test?

[RebeccaCloud9]

Ah, hope it all goes well x

[WhatKatyDid29]

Thank you. I'm so frightened. I really,really don't want to hurt him and selfishly I don't want to lose him either, haven't felt this way about anyone ever in my life,not even the father of my 7 yo. I really hope he's excited and we can worry about the details of it being a new relationship together - I could even be fine for his sake with us just raising the baby together but not as a couple but the thought of hurting him has me in floods of tears as I write this.
He just rang and I couldn't answer the phone, I know he ells hear in my voice that something is wrong. I will let you know how it goes.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this,so being able to open up here is really comforting. Thank you ladies xxxx

[jas1978]

Good luck! Hope everything works out for you x

[fishfingerSarnies]

Well good luck with everything and congratulations x

[MrsGiraffe12]

Good luck OP at telling him. If he was as devastated as you say at the horribly shitty thing his ex did to him, then I imagine he will be pleased.

Do keep us updated though x

[WhatKatyDid29]

Despite ordering shopping for tomorrow I found myself in a supermarket so caved and bought another one.....It is positive. I'm pregnant. At least now I know and have 24 hours to think about how I'm going to tell him. Thanks for all your help ladies. Xx

[WhatKatyDid29]

That's a relief! Tests here tomorrow so will do one and then I can know for sure and if I am,tell him tomorrow night.

Thank you again everyone for your help!! Definitely feeling less stressed than I was before I found this site xx

[magicalmrmistofelees]

Midday should be fine at 5 days late. P

[magicalmrmistofelees]

If you're already late for AF then test now! Tests are designed to be accurate from the day of your missed period.

[WhatKatyDid29]

That's really great advice, thank you! I think he would be very excited on the one hand as he was so looking forward to the baby and then was devastated when she told him it want his, but on the other hand it's so early between us and we are still getting to know each other.

Living together.... if I am pregnant I suppose in time yes but no not right now- I have never introduced a boyfriend to my daughter. I really would like to introduce them and we have spoken about it but I wanted to wait til at least 6 months together so I am sure it's going somewhere before she bonds with him. At the six month mark now I could well be starting my second trimester so makes it more tricky!

Ordered Tesco shop to be delivered in the AM with pack of 2 clear blue digital tests. If I don't drink too much on the morning would I be ok to test at midday or should I wait for first thing? He will be with me from tomorrow afternoon until Tues evening whilst my daughter is away with dad - we've taken time off to spend together so if midday too late will have to wait for Weds! I don't know if I can do 4 more days feeling like this :(

[JennyBlueWren]

I found ClearBlue to be the clearest. It would be best to get it off your chest and tell him. Encourage him to talk about how he feels and his worries and fears (as well as hopes). I take it you don't live together -would you want him to move in with you and DD?

[WhatKatyDid29]

Thanks ever so much. Will go to boots Later whilst my daughter is at a playdateand pick up a clear blue test then. So worried I feel sick and can't eat :-( I am seeing him tomorrow afternoon so if it's positive in the morning I will have to tell him or it will eat me alive and he will know something is wrong xx

[fishfingerSarnies]

Thinking of you. X

[Mumof3xox]

First response are usually good op

[WhatKatyDid29]

Oh bugoven thank you! Had no idea which to choose! Will pick up today and then do tomorrow morning I guess. Thanks again xxx

[bugoven]

I would go for a pink dye test as blue dye can sometimes be a bit less clear if it's early in.

Superdrug own, Tesco or First Response is the most sensitive and clear X