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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Crap, told the wrong gender!!

98 replies

allisgood1 · 11/08/2014 13:42

We were told we were having a girl and I went for a scan this morning (36 weeks growth) and it's a BOY!!!

We have 2 girls, so this is a huge shock! We have nothing boy sorted!! What do I do (other than beg friends for clothes!?). Emotionally it's fine, I am so happy it's a happy healthy baby so gender is fine. But we know about girls! How are boys!?

OP posts:

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GingerRodgers · 12/08/2014 03:43

Hmm, just seen a friends 'potty shot' of their boy and the difference between their pics and mine are, huge .

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flipflopsonfifthavenue · 12/08/2014 07:54

I think cold air makes girls pee too - it's just that they don't have quite the same fountain effect that boys have!
I have a DS and boys are lush :))

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penguinplease · 12/08/2014 07:58

This happened to me. Didn't find out until they held him up in delivery.
Early photos display him in touch with his feminine side!

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Northernlurker · 12/08/2014 08:00

OP my third was my smallest - born at exactly the same gestation as dd2 and 12 ounces smaller. That was a surprise because the medics had been very gloomy about the prospect of a 9lb baby. I felt like plonking her dinky(ish) self on the consultants desk and saying 'see!'

I know nothing about boys though - mine are all girls.

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emummy · 12/08/2014 08:09

OP, we had 2 girls and dc3 was a boy, he's great! Only difference was he was much hungrier than the girls - all 3 were bottle fed, he needed a bottle hourly! And watch out for the wee thing - dd2 was leaning over him during a nappy change and he scored a direct hit in her mouth, she was not pleased! But the change is great and nice to not have to do the Barbie and Disney princess thing for the 3rd time. Am now a world expert on Thomas the tank engine, Cars and Star Wars. Congratulations and good luck!

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mrsnec · 12/08/2014 08:16

I've had niggles throughout my pregnancy that the doctors have got it wrong. Mostly caused by a friend who had this happen to her and is convinced it will happen to me. Like you op it wouldn't be a problem at all I would be concerned that they'd got it wrong after 2 4d scans though. And she said she'd never got it wrong ever and was quite put out when I asked if she was sure.And that also size, facial features, my sickness and movement patterns also say girl too.

I must admit we've been given a lot of pink stuff, but I kept the boyish stuff too (I was given big bundles of clothes from the thrift shop) I haven't deleted my boys names shortlist and most of the equipment we have is unisex.and I haven't painted the nursery.

I did see the potty shot but wasn't given a copy but didn't really know what I was looking at it wasn't very clear.

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allisgood1 · 12/08/2014 09:33

It's funny how we have niggles and are right, we mothers. I had a niggle at 8 weeks when I felt right as rain. Then again I had a niggle when I saw the 12 week scan as there is a slight slight angle. Then again I started having niggles when I wanted sweet things (couldn't stand the sight in previous pregnancies). Oh and when heart rate went from 150's early on to 130's in second trimester...

I know none of these are an exact science but I ignored them all and thought "no I have 2 it MUST be a girl" combined with "they hardly ever get it wrong". Ha.

Why do I get the feeling this little boy is going to keep surprising me?!

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SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 12/08/2014 10:01

Same happened to me. My not a girl is now 8! . It was the only scan that DH hadn't come to (and I was completely fine with this) because, "There really isn't anything new for us to see!" The sonographer gave me a picture of DS's testicles to show DH as proof!!

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JennyBlueWren · 12/08/2014 10:51

This is why our NHS maternity unit won't tell the sex. If you want to know you have to pay and go private.

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MrsAtticus · 12/08/2014 10:55

I have 2 boys and they are wonderful - so loving and affectionate, and I imagine myself flanked by big strapping men when I am an old lady!
As an aside, a few pink baby vests won't harm your little boy I know this as I washed DS1s white baby vests with a red sock so he had to wear pink

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mrsnec · 12/08/2014 10:56

I'm not in the UK but I am finding it interesting that it's the private hospital that are convinced she's a girl. I have monthly scans at the local general with 3 different doctors and none of them will confirm either way!

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MrsAtticus · 12/08/2014 10:57

Oh yes, and on the negative side they wee on you when they are babies, and at age 3+ you will spend all day reminding them to keep their hands out of their pants

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CalamityKate1 · 12/08/2014 11:00

God I love boys. I've got two. They're fab. Congratulations!

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ColdTeaAgain · 12/08/2014 19:51

Yes Jenny a number of nhs trusts are now making it policy not to include gender as part of the anomaly (20 week scan) for a number of reasons.

It can and does lead of all kinds of trouble, particularly if a patient makes a complaint because the gender could not be determined.

It is meant to be a very important and complex medical examination and the focus on gender really distracts from that and often causes appointments to over run as we spend extra time scanning to be confident about the gender so as not to disappoint the parents to be.

Private gender scans are now widely available and pretty affordable, am finding an increasing amount of couples have already had a gender scan before coming to their 20 week appointment. I think that as there is no medical reason to find out the gender in a normal anomaly scan, it should be left to the private sector.

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Badvoc123 · 12/08/2014 19:58

Boys are ace.
I have 2.
They are the joy of my life :)

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allisgood1 · 12/08/2014 20:06

God knows why people would complain just because they got the gender wrong! I am not about to complain. They say anyway its not 100% accurate (although I believe the sonographer based on what I saw with my own eyes!). A baby is a blessing, regardless of gender. even though this has screwed me in terms of preparation

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ImBrian · 12/08/2014 20:14

Really interesting to read this, I have 4 girls and I'm pregnant with a boy. Been told boy at nuchual and anomaly scan as well as at a private scan at 16 weeks. Fingers crossed they're all right as dp is very very excited!

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ColdTeaAgain · 12/08/2014 20:18

It's a bit sad isn't it OP

I find it particularly frustrating on a day when I've had to refer a couple to fetal medicine because they have a very poorly baby and then later another couple will come in for their scan going on and on about what they want baby to be before I have even had a chance to introduce myself!

Its just human nature I know and of course it's a very exciting time, I don't think they are bad people but it's frustrating all the same!

Anyway, don't worry about preparedness, few babygrows and vests and you're set!

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JennyBlueWren · 12/08/2014 20:28

Agreed Cold. Even if we were allowed to find out I would prefer they focused on checking everything's okay with the baby rahter than the sex.

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allisgood1 · 12/08/2014 20:39

I think if the sex isn't easy to see then people shouldn't be told. Rather than spending a good chunk of the scan time looking for gender when what you should really be looking at is whether or not everything is ok. Do people not get how important the 20 week scan is? Or do they just think its to find out gender? Perhaps NHS should give a leaflet prior to the scan explaining just what they are looking for and why!!

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ColdTeaAgain · 12/08/2014 20:52

Sadly some people genuinely do think the purpose of the scan is to find out the sex, luckily these are very much in the minority. It's very poor practice on their midwives part as they should have put them right about it long before they get to their appointment and it just shows that the midwife has clearly not bothered to talk to them about the scan and what they are screening for.

Thankfully, most people do understand why they are there and take it very seriously.

As far as the spending time checking gender at scan is concerned, let me assure you that this is last on my list of priorities

If people want to know the sex, I tell them I will look for them but will not be saying anything until the very end as I have to concentrate on checking the baby for them. I will keep an eye out for what a baby is throughout the scan but do not spend any extra time on it until I have checked all the anatomy and am happy. Usually there is a few minutes spare at the end for checking gender if I am still not sure but sometimes the anomaly scan takes up the full half hour and this where we end up over running and then the next person has to wait longer for their scan. It's rare that I have to tell people I don't know and I always get paranoid that a complaint letter will be heading my way in due course (has happened to colleagues)!

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TheHonourableLady · 12/08/2014 20:52

I have two girls then a boy.

My boy was considerably smaller than his sisters (girls both just over 10lbs, not under 8lbs).

Boy was worst sleeper and only one with colic.

Behaviour wise I saw no difference until 12 months then BAM the high energy boy behaviour hit and I was amazed at how different it was. I tried to be all gender neutral but all DS wants is cars, balls and to run in the opposite direction to wherever I need him to go.

He is gorgeous but exhausting.

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mrsnec · 13/08/2014 06:29

I only went for a private scan because the doctor at the general hospital didn't see enough detail at my anomaly scan in general. She couldn't even get any measurements let alone tell me the gender so she referred me for a private scan herself. At the private scan the gender was the first thing I was told because they assumed that's why I was there. Not for any other reason. After that I just started to mentally prepare more for a girl than for a boy but it's still in the back of my mind. I agree with what was said upthread about getting organised.

All the tips about boys are very useful though.

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MummytoMog · 13/08/2014 08:45

Just nearly choked on my coffee - we had a private scan for gender and asked at the growth scan if they could tell and were told both times DC3 was a girl. I really need her to be a girl, I don't have any of DS's stuff or a boy name and my pram is bright purple. I thought my DC2 was a girl until 16 weeks, but actually it was quite a different early pregnancy so I don't know why I thought that. This one has had a reliably high heart rate and looked like a girl at every scan, but I'm still worried because in my head I've bonded with her as a girl.

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mrsnec · 13/08/2014 09:02

I do feel like I'd cope. I wouldn't have to buy too much in the way of extra stuff but it's just mentally I suppose. We have chosen a girls name for example and both got very set on it. It has a distinctive meaning. It's been hard for me to buy things and set up the nursery because I had a loss before this pg so the only thing I've bought for the baby so far myself is a dress with an appliqué design that represents the name we've chosen.

Everything else we've been given and most is unisex. I have a friend who's daughter is due the same day as me and she's convinced she's having a boy and has her eye on some of the unisex clothes I've been given and some more boyish things mil knitted but I'm not parting with any of it yet.

To an extent I agree things can work for both like maybe the purple pram but certainly not the pink bootees that I've been given for example.

I totally get the bonding in your head as a girl though.